i lost my son to suicide in oct. 2009

when my son committed suicide his x wife and family pushed him into it but I never told my two grandsons what happened now my oldest grandson is graduating and he wants my husband and I and his mom and his other grandparents to take a picture with him at graduation day we have avoided his mom and her family since Oct. 2009 we can't stand looking at them for what happened to our son were compromising to see our grandson graduate what do  I do?

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Comment by Barbara Rieger on May 27, 2015 at 10:45pm

Hi Brenda,

Please accept my sincere condolences for the loss of your dear precious son. I lost my only child/son Joe.  After leaving our house Easter Sunday Joe was unfairly taken from all his family and friends who love him when a drunk driver was driving carelessly.  I have no grand children that I know of, so I can't speak to you with any back ground or experience concerning your question as what to do for your grandson's graduation. However, I'm really curious as to what I read that your son's ex-wife and her family pushed him into it? I realize it's not any of my business I'm just wondering about it.  I take it that you do have some connection with your grandson because he wants you and your husband to take a photo with him at his graduation. My suggestion is that if your grandson has tickets for you and your husband to attend his graduation then you can both attend the graduation. You may want to tell your grandson exactly how you feel in that you're both uncomfortable to be with his mother and his maternal grandparents taking a photo with them. Or you can just tell your grandson that you and your husband will be delighted to attend his graduation. But that you want to be selfish and would be more comfortable if just the 3 of you took a photo together because he is so special to you and his grandfather. Furthermore, that you want to place the photo in a special place in your home to have bragging rights as his father's parents.  Let him know how happy it would make you and his grandfather. If on the other hand your grandson knows about the negative feelings you have for his mother and maternal grandparents it could be that he believes that he can get you all together again because of the event taking place in his life. If that is the case then you can still handle it as just wanting a photo with the 3 of you. Then mention nothing about about your feelings at this time if he doesn't bring it up. Hopefully, he will go along with just wanting a photo of the 3 of you together.I'm sure he loves his mother and maternal grandparents too. If you don't attend because of whatever reason due to his mother and grandparents you may end up regretting not going. I've regretting not going to some parties because I had some negative feelings at the time toward someone in my family. I believe that it is now held against me by a few people. Good Luck and please whatever you do don't miss your grandson's graduation! Best Regards, Barbara

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