My mother died August 12,2009.It's a year later and I am so sad still.I still cry a lot and basically wish I was dead.I'm so hurt and think life is a waste of time and too difficult to continue. I have no energy to do anything.I have completely isolated myself from my family.I pushed them all away.They had a memorial service for her yesterday, at a my brothers catholic church.I didn't go.too sad. I left my children with their father after she died because I can't parent.I abandoned them.I'm unemployed.I have nothing.My friends help me.My dad helps.I can't keep a job and I drink a lot.Everyday I feel hopeless and worthless.My electricity is shut off right now.I didn't have the money to pay it, and I still haven't paid rent.I've become a complete loser.I hate myself and don't know how to recover.This seems so excessive.I feel so lonely.I feel like I can't talk to anyone.Everyday is a struggle.I feel like I'm dead too.

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