I  have completed 1 full year without the most important person in my life. It has been surreal. I still find it difficult to believe that this is the way it is. Death is not supposed to happen. I feel kind of like a fake- like I'm not really here living a life- I just look like I am to some people who don't know better. I have aged a good bit over the past year. Larry was 8 yrs younger than me & always sd. he was keeping me young, to which I would reply I looked older next to his baby face. Now I think he may have been right! I have been sick for most of the year too, which I have been told happens. We are spiritually/emotionally drained & it effects us physically as a result. Makes sense. I have cried at some point almost every day for over a year now. I cry out of confusion, for his son, for the life we shared that I LOVED and MISS, I cry for the future we will never have, I cry for the injustice, for all the wrongs people inflicted upon him & therefore me, I cry longing for his touch and gaze into his beautiful hazel eyes, I want my peace back, I want all that he is here with me until the day I die. Blessed are the couples who die together.

Over a year now I have been faced daily with a reality I dispise! I argue & reason with myself and I persevere because I must. I continue with the tasks we together had begun. I want to live each day in such a way that it would be pleasing to him. He was the best example of what a person should be in my opinion. He was  the most Christ-like person I have ever known. So forgiving, patient, full of peace & joy always with a twinkle in his eye and a smile quick to break loose, and clean- never smoked, never tried drugs, didn't drink or curse- he loved old black & white westerns, The Andy Griffith Show... he was 38 years old! I miss him and want him as much now as ever before. I wish he were here. We need him & love him so much. I am thankful that I know he was a happy man, satisfied with our life & he knew he was loved, but most of all I am thankful to know beyond all else, that if Heaven is real, Larry is there!

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