this is a different kind of loss.  My job will be ending in a couple of months.  I have let it settle in, that this is coming.  I have slowly, gathered my thoughts about this and prayed.  Am currently praying to St. Joseph The Worker, (for employment).  I still am having a hard time wanting to look for a job, now that I have to.  I was looking for a job since I was starting after 2 1/2 years getting to the point where I felt was not learning much more and where to learn more.  Almost kind of a dead end.  I learned a lot on my previous job, a lot of job experience and knowledge added to my already knowledge from my past 30 years of employment and college. 

I really feel like an idiot for settling with the job that I currently have and will be losing along with my co-workers.  I have much more experience than what I was doing. It was nice to just exist and have something easy.  

My last job I really like, was with insurance.  I acquired a lot of knowledge.  I was layed off of this job along with others.  I took a little time off to just relax since I was somewhat stressed.  My parents went to be together, mom first then Dad a few months later after having surgery.  I ran myself ragged afterwards, not wanting to stay home.  I attended a lot of grief support workshops and services etc.  It was helpful. 

 Now it is time for me to move forward.  I am having a hard time putting my resume out there under specific companies for employment.  It is out there just have to be specific.   I just seem to find every thing else to do.  Now I need to get going and am wondering how my step back in job skills will affect my change to receive really good employment.   It was a nice break and really am now want to get back into insurance and learning more.  I have sat still with knowledge sort of, for that past almost 3 years.  

I've had a lot of thoughts about the job that I have; mostly what am I doing there. I have more skills that I am using. I should be a supervisor or a manager.   I really struggled with this a lot, a lot of embarassment, feeling like an idiot, and like I am wasting all my past experience, skills, knowledge that I attained.  Nobody knows this, I have kept this all between myself & God.  So maybe now losing this job is a blessing from God.  I have prayed and meditated on this a lot. 

Any suggestions. 

Even though during the course of this employment I was discerning my call to be a religious.  So in one area I have grown sufficiently. 

Thank you for allowing me to voice my thoughts.

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