I just lost my mom on April 1, 2011.  I am really struggling with this and am having a hard time moving on.  It almost seems that it gets harder each day.  I feel completly lost without her.  She was my everything and we had such an awesome bond.  She had a cancerous tumor on her calf and had her leg amputated July 14, 2010.  The cancer was sarcoma.  They said the next place it goes is the lungs.  Never in a million years did I think it would come back.  We found out on Jan 3, 2011 it was back in both lungs and very aggresive.  At this point they said it was nothing they could do and put her on hospice.  They gave her less then a year to survive.  She lived just about 3 months after the cancer came back.  I helped take care of her every night once she came home from Rehab from the leg amputation.  I don't know what I am suppose to do now with my time.  The nights are extremely hard for me.  I feel like I should be at her house helping her.  Then reality hits me.


I do have a wonderful husband and child but I am struggling trying to learn to let them become my focus again.  I believe that she became my focus.  I made it my mission to help her and do everything I could to keep her happy and comfortable.  I thought we had plenty of time left with her.  She was doing good then 7 days before she died she started going down.  The Sat. before she died Hospice said they didn't believe she was entering the dying process by Monday they said yes she is in the active dying process and has about 7-10 days.  She died 4 days later.  I am just in shock over how quick she went.  It was so much I feel like I didn't get to say or do with her.  I find myself angry, sad, confused, let down, frustrated and just so overwhelmed with grief.


I can not imagine going on without her in my life, she was everything to me.  She was such an amazing woman...strong, courageous full of faith and never one time complained about any of her problems.  She was always worried about the other person and their feelings.  She was truely a special lady.


I do thank God daily for blessing me with her as my mother, what a wonderful gift I was given.  Now if I can just learn to pick up my feet and breathe again.  I pray that day will come soon.  I miss her so much.


Thank you for loving me Momma, I love and miss you more each and every day.  Jesus please hug my mom tonight for me and tell her how much I love her.  Thank you God for loving me. 

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