Hello. I am new to this page and am seeking comfort with others who are survivors of suicide. I have tried a support group but it's just not the same when you lose someone to suicide.
My son was 27 years old when he took his life on January 6, 2009. As you know words could never describe the pain. I have no understanding of why he took his life but I am told that I would never find an understanding. He may have had issues with schizophrenia but I don't know for certain. Unfortunately he lived on the west coast and I didn't get to see him that much. He had a rough life during his teenage years and I have regrets everyday that I didn't do more about it. He knew how much I loved him. I told him everyday and showed him whenever possible. I too knew that he loved me. I just don't understand why he didn't talk to me about his troubles. I think maybe he was protecting me in a way.
I protect myself from my feelings by not really looking at his pictures or think to much about him. I am so afraid of being back to the beginning of this grief. But almost every night I go over and over the day I was told that he died. I want to step beyond that and learn to remember him with an open heart.