On January 19th, 2011 I lost my sister in a very sudden death.  It was completely unexpected.  I find that I still have so much trouble sleeping at night.  Any moments not spent working I think about the horrible things she must have endured right before she died.  I try to spend as much time with my parents as I can because they are dying inside.  I have siblings that are also grieving so very much.  I find that I don't talk to them as much because I know they have enough to deal with.  I look to my husband and friends for my grief counselling.  However, I am finding that they are all ready to move on.  Sure they still tell me they are with me and that anything I need they will help me with, but when it comes down to it they really are at a completely different stage.  I get that there are varying stages based on your relationships, but I don't understand why they don't get that.  I am not just going to get up in the morning and find that everything is okay.  I am not going to walk down my hall tomorrow and not cry at the pictures of my sister.  Things will continue to be difficult for me and I have to deal with this on my own timeframe.  I am not a broken vase that can be glued back together.  I am a flower that has withered and it will take me time and love and effort to bring me back.  I keep hearing from them now that I need to speak to a therapist.  It has only been a month.  Everything I have read has told me that I am as on track as all others before me.  I don't understand the reason I can't grieve.  I don't understand how to move on and the pushing only makes it harder.  I now feel very alone.  I feel as if I need to cry by myself, I need to be alone.  I don't really want that, but I cannot just move on.  I cannot just deal with it.  I feel as if the world has stopped spinning and really don't want it to start again.  A world without my Brenda is not a world that I want to be.  I am not thinking about hurting myself or anything as I love life so much.  It just amazes me that I get more support from my beautiful son than most that I believe should be supporting me more.  Maybe I am just not normal anymore and never will be.  Any suggestions or comments anyone.  I would appreciate your stories and how you dealt with this.

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Comment by Warren Washington on February 27, 2011 at 7:17am

Well, my dad had lived with us until I was 16 then he had a stroke which reduced him to an infant like state. His condition was all new for me and my siblings I had known nothing about the illness except that it can be alcohol induced. So now I should tell that as far back as I can remember my father was an alcoholic. He would drink and become this very mean person who had myself and all of my siblings scared to death. When he wasn't drunk though he was this sweet gentle man whom which I knew from a distance. But the times he were so mean and abusive to us weighed heavily on our minds even then so we stayed away. Now here he is stuck in this nursing home for the rest of his life and I maybe came to see him 4 times. When I was 31, 15 years later my dad died I never knew it would hurt me so bad but it did I was crushed. Not only that but I felt guilty for not going to see him more often.

 

Until I realized two things 1st my not going to visit wasn't all of my fault part of it was his because he failed to establish a good relationship with his children that is what's part of what kept me away. And secondly I take great comfort in the possibility of seeing him again as the Bible mentions he'll more then likely be resurrected to a paradise earth and if I do all that I can to be there we can have until time indefinite to reestablish that father and son relationship I so crave.

 

WHAT HOPE FOR OUR DEAD LOVED ONES?  

WHEN we lose a loved one in death, we may become overwhelmed by grief. The Bible tells us that Jesus wept when his dear friend Lazarus died. Yet, just minutes later Jesus performed an astounding miracle—he raised Lazarus back to life! (John 11:32-44) In doing so, he gave all mankind solid grounds for faith in the amazing promise he had made earlier in his ministry when he said: “The hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear [Jesus’] voice and come out.” (John 5:28, 29) May the precious hope of a resu

Comment by Judie Arriola on February 26, 2011 at 5:47am

Hi Laura ,Im so sorry to hear about your pain , believe me I understand,I lost my only sibling, my younger brother in a devastating accident, I to am in so much pain over my lose , and like you I have a loving family , hubby ,3 sons and friends that I know love me and would do anything for me, and I love them so very much , but at the same time, even with the love and care they offer to me ,in my heart its not what I want ,of course I want my brother back , but I know better than that , but its like the family doesnt get that part of my heart and soul, is gone and will never be the same , even if I do get to the place where I can laugh ,have fun again , seem as I am moving on , I will always carry my brother in my heart , and that pain will surface over and over, and I will feel like someone has knocked the breath out of me and I will cry, and thats ok , and I dont care what anyone thinks, they wont know till they live it , they cant know this kind of pain , void , ,they think they do , but we know better, I wish you many tears they cleanse the soul, and our loved ones I think just are afraid they might upset us even more, if they only knew, I would love for a member of my family to sit down and want to listen and talk about someone that meant the world to me , and cry with me and hold me when Im at my lowest, give them and yourself time, and you do it your way its your pain , hope to talk to you again ,  SO SORRY FOR YOU LOSE , LAURA

Comment by shannon churchill on February 25, 2011 at 1:09pm
So very sorry for loss of your sister.   I too know all of the feelings you are having.   It takes your heart and twists it and you just don't want to breathe.  I love my son and I know that I will get to see him again.   And I will live everyday holding on to that hope and I will never let his memory fade in my life.   It will happen for us both.   May God Bless you and keep you safe and comfort you in this time of grief.  One day, we will live in a world with no more pain, no more sorrow and worry.    Hurray!!!!!   My Tommy is waiting for me there, and time is going to fly by!!!!!!!!  

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