On January 19th, 2011 I lost my sister in a very sudden death. It was completely unexpected. I find that I still have so much trouble sleeping at night. Any moments not spent working I think about the horrible things she must have endured right before she died. I try to spend as much time with my parents as I can because they are dying inside. I have siblings that are also grieving so very much. I find that I don't talk to them as much because I know they have enough to deal with. I look to my husband and friends for my grief counselling. However, I am finding that they are all ready to move on. Sure they still tell me they are with me and that anything I need they will help me with, but when it comes down to it they really are at a completely different stage. I get that there are varying stages based on your relationships, but I don't understand why they don't get that. I am not just going to get up in the morning and find that everything is okay. I am not going to walk down my hall tomorrow and not cry at the pictures of my sister. Things will continue to be difficult for me and I have to deal with this on my own timeframe. I am not a broken vase that can be glued back together. I am a flower that has withered and it will take me time and love and effort to bring me back. I keep hearing from them now that I need to speak to a therapist. It has only been a month. Everything I have read has told me that I am as on track as all others before me. I don't understand the reason I can't grieve. I don't understand how to move on and the pushing only makes it harder. I now feel very alone. I feel as if I need to cry by myself, I need to be alone. I don't really want that, but I cannot just move on. I cannot just deal with it. I feel as if the world has stopped spinning and really don't want it to start again. A world without my Brenda is not a world that I want to be. I am not thinking about hurting myself or anything as I love life so much. It just amazes me that I get more support from my beautiful son than most that I believe should be supporting me more. Maybe I am just not normal anymore and never will be. Any suggestions or comments anyone. I would appreciate your stories and how you dealt with this.