When Gi was pregnant with Timmy, Live, an alternative rock group from York, PA, released their album Throwing Copper. There was a song, Lightning Crashes that put a fear in me. The song was about a woman dying while another gives birth. The image of an angel with pale blue eyes stood out in my mind. This angel standing between two events of life and death; witnessing the confusion of the human condition of grief and joy as she closes her eyes as the “old mother dies” and opens them as a baby cries for the first time.
Every time I heard the song I would tell Timmy how it reminded me of his birth. I know he got tired of hearing me say it; but when the song came on the radio he would turn up the volume to the maximum. He asked me what was it that hooked me on the song and I told him about the angel.
When he was an infant, he would look up to the corner of the room. When asked what he was looking at, I replied an angel. I believed that babies can see things we can’t because of their innocence.
It was around the same time that the show ER had an episode of a woman dying during child birth and the father having to face raising his child alone. I sat and balled my eyes out. I felt like I was about to live that moment when Timmy was born.
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