Since I first posted about my husbands death(it is now over 2 years since he died) I have been sent right back to the deepest grief because the only family I have, my sister (whom my husband and I took on holiday with us for over 16 years until his death, after her husband died) and my two nieces have deserted me and I am now losing many "friends" because I cannot come to terms with my husbands death.    We meant everything to each other and did everything together so where am I now supposed to go and also where is the compassion?   I have spent my life caring for other people (both parents) andy have always been there with a willing ear to listen to any problems my family and friends had (and there were many) but where are they all now I need the support - gone with the wind thats where.   I have about 5 friends I can rely on to let me cry when I need to and talk about my husband all I need to and that is it.   I expect I shall lose them as well soon if I don't buck up and get over it.   Well that is never going to happen  so I suspect I shall end up friendless and without family (we never had children).    I had never experiences much in the way of happiness until I married and suppose I never will again until (Ihope) we meet again.

How in God's name to other widows cope with this loss of friends and family just when you need them most?

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Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on July 22, 2013 at 2:39pm

Shirley  I am so sorry for your loss and I know the pain  is deep.   It is nearly three years for me now and the pain is still the same.   Don't believe the platitudes about time being a great healer - it isn't.   It just enables you to put a face on in public whilst you are dying inside.   Sometimes even now if I meet someone whom I haven't seen since Morley (my husband died), I can still find the tears rolling down my face out of control.   My husband dropped dead at my feet from an aortic aneurysm - good death they say for him, terrible for me as we were in holiday in a remote cottage in Yorkshire.   The ambulance were trying to find us but my husband had booked it and I could only conjure up snippets of information.   We rushed through York with all sirens blaring but I knew he was already dead.   They would not let me close he eyes or his mouth so I could leave him looking as if he were sleeping and two policemen watched my every move (sudden death, I could have killed him).   I will never get over this and neither I suspect will you.   We had no children, if you have that will help and you will come back to some king of normality.   Someone likened this kind of death to a tsunami wave rushing in and when it leaves, you are left all alone on a barren desert with nothing and no one .    I really do feel for you in your loss,.   Don't listen to people who think you should be getting on with life..   I have had every hurtful thing said to me about my lack of getting over this but everyone grieves at their own pace and in their own way.   You have to do the same.   I am sorry for your loss.   I just go to bed every night praying I will wake up in his arms tomorrow but tomorrow comes and this pointless, useless life goes on.   Come on here and pour it all out as I have just done.    There are thousands of us on this website feeling just like you.

Comment by Shirley Wry on July 22, 2013 at 1:39pm

I lost my husband and best friend February 3, 2013 we also did everything together. I found him in his chair I could not believe he was gone I touched him and rubbed his legs and arms and head I just could not believe he was gone.  He had been ill for a while but I was not prepared for him to leave me, I miss him and my friends and family thinks I should be getting on with my life. I just wanted to share this with you.

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