Hi. Never imagined I'd be doing this. Just 2 months ago I lost my husband, business partner, confidante, and best friend. Got a phone call from my son about 15 minutes before he and my husband would have been done work. The most dreaded sound I ever heard--my son screaming and not able to speak in the phone--trying to tell his mom that his dad was dead!  My husband went to work one day and never came home.  He was 51, in perfect health, extremely happy in life and very hard working.  With our kids getting older (22 and 15) life and just come back around to "us" time, and we had so many plans, including winding down our business after the next 5 years and doing more things we wanted to do.  My husband had so many plans and goals for himself that I can't believe he's not able to do them.  It's very difficult even after 2 months to believe this really happened.  I cry every single day.  Sometimes several times.  I worked with my husband, we've been together for 30 years, married 24 next week, and were the lucky ones that never ran out of things to do or talk about.  I lost half of myself, having been together since we were 22 years old, and don't know how to spend a day in my life without him in it. 

My husband was killed in a senseless and tragic work accident that should never have happened.  The problem is no matter what or who is at fault, he's not coming back.  I have a hard time accepting that, because we were the kind that always thought you could get through anything or fix anything.  I can't fix this.  I'm lost, and so devastated that we don't get to watch our kids enter adulthood and make their own way in life, enjoy grandkids someday and family gatherings at our home with everyone here and happy, and watch my husband and son continue to work together in business so my son has a path carved for his future, even after his dad retired.  My world is so uncertain.  We always thought we'd grow old together in this house we've lived in for 27 years already, and now it seems like I don't even know if it makes sense.  I think about his dreams and goals and how cheated he was not able to finish the things he was looking forward to.  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Everyone loved my husband, he was the most positive and happy guy anyone would ever meet.  My kids are devastated and it's so unfair that they've lost their dad and best friend.  He was the perfect dad--not perfect but that's what makes him that way.  In fact our whole life was that way--so unperfect that it was perfect for us.  Ups and downs but a wonderful family life and great relationships with each other.  How does one get through a loss like this?  It's so unfair, and you hear these things on the news all the time but never have I ever experienced any of these tragedies so close to home, especially this close.  Every day I think about what we've lost and what my husband lost, and the only thing I can say is I really hope he is in a better place because I have now begun to live in hell on earth.  I don't even know what else to say--I just can't stop crying and missing him.  I truly lost my soul mate, that one person not everyone finds but I was lucky enough to. 

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Comment by Terry Kent on March 5, 2014 at 9:04am

Thanks for writing Elvira.  I'm trying to figure out this website and I don 't know how to answer anyone.  I hope this is correct.  I replied last night but I don't think it went anywhere.  I appreciate hearing from you.  I'm so lost, and the one person I would go to with everything was my husband.  We ran 2 businesses together, and now I'm trying to do it all and haven't even had a chance to really grieve, and I feel like my world has been silenced since he was the one I talked to all day.  I can honestly say I feel your pain, and I just can't believe with all the plans we had for our future that we don't get to finish our lives together.  We didn't even get to enjoy our 50's--we both just got up to 51, and these were the years that were coming back to us as the kids are getting older and we have more time together--now he's gone and I don't know anything else but being by his side.  His hobbies and interests were mine, and it's been that way for so long that I don't even know what to do when our busy season slows down and I'm not overwhelmed with work.  My kids are still home and we've all lost so much.  I'm sure you can relate to the loss--it is devastating and if you're like me you feel like a part of you has died but you still have to somehow live too.  I always thought I would die first--this kind of life was never part of my plans and I know it wasn't part of my husband's either.  He loved every day of his life and woke up and went to bed with a smile on his face.  Why does this happen?:

Comment by Elvira Castellanos on March 4, 2014 at 6:52pm

Terry, I am so sorry for your loss, I am reading your post & know exactly what you are feeling, I lost my husband of 33 yrs on Feb 9th of a cardiac arrest, we were together since high school, I was 15, he was 17, he had just turned 59 in January, I too am devastated, all I do is cry & can't make sense of what happened, he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in January with no symptoms til middle of December, he had just turned 59 on January 7th, I feel the same as you, I feel I can't go on without him, like you said, life is not hear & right now I question why it happened, I am deeply sorry for your loss, wanted to share you are not alone, my sons are older than your children but my youngest is getting married in July & it is not fair, he won't be there, you are so right, living hell on earth.

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