Hello Janice. I totally understand how you feel. I loss my son six years ago 14 Nov 04. He was killed in Iraq. There is not a day that I don't think about him and his dad, I lost him on 23 May 04. I understand your pain because I too felt physical pain. Literally, my heart ached 'like it was broken'. I have been in a state of denial because my son was stationed so far from home and was away on three deployments in three years that I expect to see him come home any day now. I know it is not rational, but I am able to function and go to work.
I understand your feelings and you can always vent to me. I wish I can give you a hug.