It's been three months and still.... My life doesn't make sense, when men talk to me I get nauseas in the stomach, my mind races, I constantly stay busy. I know if you are looking down on me right now, your probablly saying "calm down beavis". Everytime I close my eyes, I see you laying in that casket. I can't delete your text messages, can't even listen to my voice mails. I can't celebrate occassions with my friends, and get jealous when they talk about their significant others. I wish on every falling star, and pray for a miricle that I know will never happen. My selfishness is getting the best of me, and I don't know how I am supposed to enjoy life again. I send you emails occassionally hoping you'll reply, and look at your profiles often just to see your face. I know I have to let go, and move on, but it hurts to even think about letting you go. My life is crashing down around me, and it seems like I don't care. Every song on the radio reminds me of you, and I can't even bring myself to listen to that special one. I feel detatched, like i'm living a terrible nightmare, and none of this is real. I am angry, sad, lost, confussed, distracted, lonely, guilty, insecure, numb it's like I have died with you. I miss my smile, my laughs... I get up in the morning, get dressed, drive to work, sit at my desk, go home, and stay busy until I lay down again. People keep telling me I need to talk to someone, and get it out but I fear if I do that then I will be letting you go... Closure is so final. I fear the day I forget your crocked smile, the color of your eyes, the way you smelled, the sound of your voice. I miss laying in bed watching tv with you, cuddling up so tight you couldn't even fit a piece of paper between us. Am I being silly, babe? Am I doing this to myself? Why does it seem like it is getting worse?