My beloved husband Ernie passed away April 27, 2011

I an so relieved to have found this blog as only those that have lost a spouse or child can feel the pain and loneliness that we have been feeling and it is different than losing one's parents.  Ernie and I have known each other 45 years and married 39 years this August. Unfortunately we were not blessed with children and I've been feeling so alone. I am blessed with family and many good friends, but until one has experienced this type of death they cannot begin to imagine what it feels like.  Even with family and friends around I feel alone; like a third or fifth wheel; I can cry without warning; feeling I am walking on 8" of foam rubber and have to try very hard to keep busy.  Some days I just sit staring into space; crying and then I suddenly remember I promised Ernie that it was 'OK to go' and I would be fine because it hurt to see him in such pain, so with every fiber of my being I make myself get up and get moving, but nothing seems to take the pain away.  I have come to detest weekends which I feel are the loneliness because all of my friends have spouses.  Week days I can fake it basically thinking Ernie is at work and will be coming home even though I am well aware that is not the reality of it all.  A wise male person who had lost his wife at the age of 36 told me that when you lose your spouse you are on 'auto pilot' going through life one step at a time and after the Memorial is over family and friends get on with their own lives without meaning too they expect you to keep up, but that each person grieves at their own pace and to take my time.  I am not making any rash decisions and planning on staying in our little rancher home with the lovely gardens that my husband loved so much.

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Comment by Jerry on June 13, 2011 at 9:36pm
 Next week will be the  40th anniversary of my wife Karen and I's first date. I know this is going to hurt more then most other holidays. She always made more of this day then our wedding date. I belive things will get a little better for you as time goes on, but most likely never the same. I too still talk to my wife out loud at times, and when driving a song wil come on the radio and I think to my self just how many times we listened to it together while driving and I will bust out in tears. As far as staying in my house or moving is concerned, I just dont know,sometimes I sit out side and remember the times Karen would say to me she loved our house and I think I have to stay,other times I think it would be best for me to move. It has been 15 months since she passed and I still have all her clothes just were they were . I am sure some would find this strange,but at least from what I have read on this site I am not the only one doing this. I know I was in a much worse state of mind a few months after my wife passed,so I believe things should get a little better for you as time marhes on. At least I hope so. God bless you.
Comment by Marsha H on June 13, 2011 at 6:07pm

Hi Chicago Beard ...

 

Thanks for replying.  I also talk to Ernie as if he was still here with me as you do your dear Rose.  I often wonder if this crushing feeling of the heart will ever leave any of us so we can breath properly once again.  Oddly enough I find the evenings more peaceful as most people have settled in for the evening, but the days are difficult for me.  Some days are extremely lonely.  I have been trying to keep busy, but I'm in no shape to go out anywhere with friends yet (cry at the drop of a hat) or find a part-time job which I know in the present will help me.

 

I am happy to have you as a friend and hope to make more friends on here.  We are all limping through a fast paced world (no time for the wounded of heart) but we have each other to lean on for as long as we are needed. It feels good to express one's feeling of losing a loved one.

Comment by Chicago Beard on June 13, 2011 at 4:44am
Marcy, welcome and I am sorry for your loss. You described what most of us are going through beautifully and succinctly. As you may have already read I lost my Rose last September and I still cry everyday which I expect I will do for some time to come. I keep myself busy because that is one of my coping mechanisms. I still come home to an empty condo and it hurts like all get out. I talk to Rose constantly telling her how much I miss her, usually when I am driving. My head knows she is gone but my heart refuses to accept it. I imagine that will continue for a long time to come regardless of what happens in my life. Welcome and I am happy you asked to friend me.

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