my hopes of sharing on here is to connect with others who have lost. for me I lost the love of my life to a 5 month battle from pancreatic cancer, he was only 52. although we had 15 wonderful years together I wish everyday he was still here he passed away on July 6th the very day we met. he was kind and loving and we had only 1 argument in all that time. every second with him was pure joy. I was able to spend every minute these last 5 months by his side. He had many stays in the hospital and they let me stay there with him always. he was coherent  the entire time except the last day when he was on so much pain medicine that he just slept while his eyes rolled around. at one point a couple hors before he passed, he awoke pulled me close, gave me 5 kisses on the cheek and said I love . that was our goodbye, each day I think I will not get through this. I do not have the luxury of doing nothing because we rent an apartment and he was the only one working at the time so I will be able to pay rent for 2 more months then I will have no place to go. neither one of us have much in the way of family perhaps it was because we are both male they didn't like that. even if I have to live on the street I will still have the greatest memories one could ask for. this is my first time on here and I know I will be reading stories of loss. I hope in some way we all can just feel a bit better knowing we are not alone