Hi my name is Sandra and I lost a child 10/14/2002. My son, Danny, was the older of twin boys. It has been bitter sweet to see my surviving son, Sammy (or Sam as he now likes to be called) as he gos through his milestone growth years. This is always a hard time of the year for me as the anniversary of his death approaches, even after this much time has passed. Even though there are still some people out that think you need to "get over it".
The day my son died started out like any other day. It was a Monday morning and I was in the hustle and bustle of getting my husband out the door to work, my kindergartner ready, the twins (19 months) ready and myself ready for work. My stepmother was the caregiver so I would drop them off and head out to work. While at work I got a message on my voice mail in the afternoon around 3:30 that I needed to go home right away because something happened. So, needless to say, I dashed out the door with a million things going through my head and at the same time called my husband to tell him of the message so he could head out there. I had to drive 12 miles to get to the house and it seemed like hours, as I hyperventilated the whole way there. As I got to the road where I needed to go there was a road block, which of course only added to my already frantic stage. After questioning me they let me through and then I get to my parents house and there are police cars, fire trucks, ambulances and other cars all over the yard and streets. So I quickly park and look for a familiar face and as I finally see my husband I see a blank look on his face and can only imagine the worse. He tells me that we lost our son Danny. I just remember saying "no, no" and pushing my way to the road where I seen something going on but they did not let me through.
Apparently, what happened is that my step mother put them down to sleep and she thought that they were sleeping. She went to use the bathroom and they both went outside. One Sam went in one direction (toward the back yard) and Danny went across the street toward the mail boxes. He was crossing back across the street when a large construction truck hit him. He as killed instantly.
This was a rocky road to be on for a long time because of the nature of the accident and the parties involved. My husband and I separated for 3 years and that was hard. Also, I never "blamed" my step mother but I had issues with her because it was like she blamed me. She never talked to my husband again until she passed away 7 years later and she wanted to see him to say she was sorry.
The death of a child is not only hard on the parents but on the surviving siblings. At first I would hide when I was crying and if my kids asked what was wrong I would say I had a head ache. Then one day my daughter said to me (she was 7), I want to help you. Then I knew I needed to open up more and help my children cope as well. We did go to counseling for awhile but then I didnt feel it was doing me any good after 6 months because the counselor was probably wasnt the best one for our situation.
Finally, after several years what has really helped me to be stronger is knowing that God is with me. If I didnt have my relationship with God that I do, I dont know how we could have survived. I give thanks to God everyday. And though I know that "you dont ever get over it", you do learn to cope.
I have wanted to be a support to others with the lose of a child. So that they know there are people feeling the feelings they feel. We may not have all the answers but we can be there for each other.
Thank you for this blog/support group.