Hi my name is Sandra and I lost a child 10/14/2002.  My son, Danny, was the older of twin boys. It has been bitter sweet to see my surviving son, Sammy (or Sam as he now likes to be called) as he gos through his milestone growth years.  This is always a hard time of the year for me as the anniversary of his death approaches, even after this much time has passed.  Even though there are still some people out that think you need to "get over it".

The day my son died started out like any other day.  It was a Monday morning and I was in the hustle and bustle of getting my husband out the door to work, my kindergartner ready, the twins (19 months) ready and myself ready for work.  My stepmother was the caregiver so I would drop them off and head out to work.  While at work I got a message on my voice mail in the afternoon around 3:30 that I needed to go home right away because something happened. So, needless to say, I dashed out the door with a million things going through my head and at the same time called my husband to tell him of the message so he could head out there.  I had to drive 12 miles to get to the house and it seemed like hours, as I hyperventilated the whole way there.  As I got to the road where I needed to go there was a road block, which of course only added to my already frantic stage.  After questioning me they let me through and then I get to my parents house and there are police cars, fire trucks, ambulances and other cars all over the yard and streets.  So I quickly park and look for a familiar face and as I finally see my husband I see a blank look on his face and can only imagine the worse. He tells me that we lost our son Danny.  I just remember saying "no, no" and pushing my way to the road where I seen something going on but they did not let me through. 

Apparently, what happened is that my step mother put them down to sleep and she thought that they were sleeping.  She went to use the bathroom and they both went outside.  One Sam went in one direction (toward the back yard) and Danny went across the street toward the mail boxes.  He was crossing back across the street when a large construction truck hit him.  He as killed instantly.

This was a rocky road to be on for a long time because of the nature of the accident and the parties involved. My husband and I separated for 3 years and that was hard. Also, I never "blamed" my step mother but I had issues with her because it was like she blamed me.  She never talked to my husband again until she passed away 7 years later and she wanted to see him to say she was sorry. 

The death of a child is not only hard on the parents but on the surviving siblings.  At first I would hide when I was crying and if my kids asked what was wrong I would say I had a head ache.  Then one day my daughter said to me (she was 7), I want to help you.  Then I knew I needed to open up more and help my children cope as well. We did go to counseling for awhile but then I didnt feel it was doing me any good after 6 months because the counselor was probably wasnt the best one for our situation.

Finally, after several years what has really helped me to be stronger is knowing that God is with me.  If I didnt have my relationship with God that I do, I dont know how we could have survived.  I give thanks to God everyday.  And though I know that "you dont ever get over it", you do learn to cope. 

I have wanted to be a support to others with the lose of a child. So that they know there are people feeling the feelings they feel. We may not have all the answers but we can be there for each other.

Thank you for this blog/support group.

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Comment by Sandra on September 29, 2013 at 3:04pm
Thank you Barbara for your comment, it means a lot. I know that I can't change things that happened but I have hope to one day seeing my son again. I also heard something one day on a christian radio that was so beautiful and helpful in my healing. It was a story about someone that had lost a loved one and they were asked the question, if someone told you in advance that you were going to have someone come into your life, but only for a while and you would love them and they would love you and you would have great times together, but one day they would be gone and you would feel like your heart was ripped out and you would feel so very lonely, would you still want that person to come into your life?

I know that I would never change anything about my son coming here, even if it were for a short time. That story made me look at things a little bit different and also be thankful that I did get the time with him that I got.

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I have not experienced that loss, but I can only imagine that it is so very difficult to lose your spouse or partner.
I pray for you that as each day passes you may look to God and the people that are close to you to give you strength and comfort.

Peace and Love to you Barbara...and a huge HUG!
Comment by Barbara Sullivan on September 26, 2013 at 12:28pm

Oh, my dear Sandra!  I cried for you as I read your story -- a mother's worst nightmare happened to you!  May God bless you and give you comfort at this difficult time.

 I have not lost a child -- my husband died 5 months ago from cancer -- but, thank you for sharing your story because, at least, I know I am not so numb from grief that I can't feel someone else's pain, as well.

Your faith in God gives me hope for peace for myself someday, too.

Prayers and love.

Barb

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