My wife passing

My wife died 6 months ago and I haven't really talked about it since it happened. I don't know what I want anymore. We'd been together for 5 years, we met abroad, she is from VA and i'm from England, we lived abroad for a while then in England for a couple of years until we decided we'd move and settle in VA, so we seperated while the paperwork was being processed and she got a job + apartment sorted while I continued work at home and saved for the move.

After 6 months of being apart and talking every day, she had an accident. Paramedics found her unconscious and not breathing, they got her heart beating but she still couldn't breathe without machines. I immediately flew when I got the news, when I arrived at the hospital, she was brain dead. The doctors said she had had multiple seizures while I was flying and after several days I had to take her off life support as her body was failing.

She just looked like she was sleeping, I was terrified, they took her breathing apparatus off and I held her untill her heart stopped. 6 days later my visa was approved. It was all like some kind of evil joke, and I thought I'll call her to tell her about it when I get home, that was my mindset because we talked every day over skype while apart.

I went back to England completely stunned, everything I looked forward to is gone and I don't feel like i'm getting over it at all; I hate where I am and hate what I do and I dream every night that I'm finally going to get my visa so I can move to be with my baby. 2010 was meant to be a good year for us.

I'm anxious and tense most days and I'm trying to figure out what I want, its like I need a new life plan. I've lost my best friend and I can't imagine starting a new relationship and having that again. She'd just turned 24 and i'm 28 now. None of my friends can relate, which I guess is why I joined this site.

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Comment by Susan Mayer on October 28, 2010 at 2:26pm: Brian, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband, Steve, in an accident, too. Although we're both rather older than you are, we also looked forward to so many things - slowing down from work and having time together, watching our granddaughter grow up - we even had a vacation planned for the week after he died. I remember asking him if we should get trip insurance, and he said, "nothing will stop us from going now." We never, ever dreamed he would die accidentally.

I am sorry, too, that your friends cannot relate to your situation. It's good that you joined this site, and you might look for other sites and/or support groups for young widows/widowers. I'm quite sure you are not alone, but finding like-aged people in similar situations may take a bit of looking.

Don't worry yet about starting another relationship. I suspect one day you'll be ready, but give yourself time to grieve and heal. Come back and share with this group any time you feel you need to, and take good care of yourself.

Comment by Deana Fletcher_mower on October 19, 2010 at 2:45pm: Hello, Brian,
I can totally relate to the idea of being stunned. I lost my husband in February and the description of the feeling that I am experiencing is that I am numb. God has another plan for us to follow, as much as we might not like it.

Deana

Comment by Janice on October 16, 2010 at 11:46am: Brian, I'm so sorry for the lost of your loved one. I can feel your pain as you speak of your lovely wife and the plans you had, my heart goes out to you, just know that when you feel you can't share with friends and family you can always share with us. We're here for you and this site offers a lot of advice and guidance. Please take care of yourself. A friend in KC, Mo.

Comment by Kathy King Kates on October 16, 2010 at 8:09am: So young to have to go thru this heartbreak. We do feel for you Brian and all feel like we've lost our best friends so know exactly how that feels. It takes time (can't say how much cus it's been different for each of us) but it does get "calmer". Do come back and share and vent anytime. Feel free to ask any questions. I've found the many links attached here to Legacy have lots of helpful advise about all the necessities you must take care of so hope it helps. Try to spend time with "people", seek out a support group. It doesn't "solve" anything or diminish the aches and pains but it smooths things one day one hour one minute at a time. Many hugs your way..