I lost my father on 1-11-11 his Name was Gabriel Loya Cano He was born on 5-25-1950 he was found on the sidewalk where he laid all night. People thought he was drunk passed out. He died of a massive heart failure. His heart valves were 70-90% blocked and his heart was enlarged a normal adult male heart is 360grms his was 510grms. he didn't know he was this sick. I never thought I'd feel all the emotions that I have felt from him dieing. Because he did not raise me and all my life I never forgave him. He has lived in the same town as me. but I can count on 1 hand how many memories I have of him and I. His funeral was on 1-28-11 and all the arrangements and decisions were left up 2 me and my sister since he wasn't married. I ended up doing what ever my Grandpa's wishes were. Because I wanted to respect his feelings and wishes. well I want my dad to know I forgive him. I only wish I had done it while he was alive so we could have had a father son relationship like we should have had. That i will be forever sad for.

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Comment by Warren Washington on February 27, 2011 at 7:04am

Well, believe it or not your story is not uncommon in fact it is very similar to my own. My dad had lived with us until I was 16 then he had a stroke which reduced him to an infant like state. His condition was all new for me and my siblings I had known nothing about the illness except that it can be alcohol induced. So now I should tell you that as far back as I can remember my father was an alcoholic. He would drink and become this very mean person who had myself and all of my siblings scared to death. When he wasn't drunk though he was this sweet gentle man whom which I knew from a distance. But the times he were so mean and abusive to us weighed heavily on our minds even then so we stayed away. Now here he is stuck in this nursing home for the rest of his life and I maybe came to see him 4 times. When I was 31, 15 years later my dad died I never knew it would hurt me so bad but it did I was crushed. Not only that but I felt guilty for not going to see him more often.

 

Until I realized two things 1st my not going to visit wasn't all of my fault part of it was his because he failed to establish a good relationship with his children that is what's part of what kept me away. And secondly I take great comfort in the possibility of seeing him again as the Bible mentions he'll more then likely be resurrected to a paradise earth and if I do all that I can to be there we can have until time indefinite to reestablish that father and son relationship I so crave.

 

WHAT HOPE FOR OUR DEAD LOVED ONES?  

WHEN we lose a loved one in death, we may become overwhelmed by grief. The Bible tells us that Jesus wept when his dear friend Lazarus died. Yet, just minutes later Jesus performed an astounding miracle—he raised Lazarus back to life! (John 11:32-44) In doing so, he gave all mankind solid grounds for faith in the amazing promise he had made earlier in his ministry when he said: “The hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs

Comment by Dianne on February 1, 2011 at 4:41pm
Hey Gabriel, how are you doing today?  I am sorry to hear about you dad.  It is so good to be under a doctor's care.  We have to take care of ourself the best we can.  I am quite sure your dad did the best he could and I do know that you should not feel guilty.  Believe in your heart that you did what God put you here to do; and that was to take care of your dad's needs at the end.  So, yes, right now you are sad and you have every right to be.  But know that your sadness will turn into joy one day in God's own timing.  So what you have to do now that you have forgiven him is to be an advocate for your family and make sure that your loved ones get the best health care possible.  Get the family to have a total health assessment done through their doctor.  There are so many health screenings that are given free.  Your dad's death is a wake up call that is going to help others.  You are your father's spokesperson.  I lost my father to suicide and hated him for over 40 years for what he did to my family and that was leaving us in a pool of sadness and depression.  But it was later in my life that I came to grips that it was not my fault that he killed himself.  And that's when my healing came from that understanding.  I know that all is going to be well with you; so keep the faith and hold on to God's unchanging hand.  Take care

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