They said the 1st year was the hardest, and that doesn't even begin to describe it, but honestly, I don't see the "getting easier" part so many promised. You're still dead, I still miss you and am more lost in life than ever and not a fing thing is going to change that. So, yeah, the first year.....worst year of my life thus far.....1 year Mom....I can't even describe the rollercoaster of mostly depressing, dark and rather selfish emotions it has been filled with. I miss you so much and just NEED my Mom back. I love you. I know you can hear me. I just wish you could hold me.