It’s been about a month since I first posted to this thread.
Thank you, to all that reached out to me. I’m grateful for your care & concern. I apologize for not replying sooner. I’d read comments & often wanted to provide an update, but – honestly – stamina is hard to come by these days.
I’ve had trouble sleeping – it’s hit-or-miss day-by-day. I often struggle to “quiet” my mind. Sometimes I fall asleep but wake-up throughout the night. Sometimes it’s plain old stare-at-the-wall insomnia. Sometimes it’s sleep without any rest.
I asked my psych doc for a sleeping aid, so he prescribed Lunesta. Not the greatest of experiences though. I found it very strong with a lingering metallic aftertaste.
The first night I took it I overslept the next morning. To my embarrassment - well into a mid-morning timeslot wherein I was otherwise supposed to be leading a client presentation, at their offices, roughly 20 minutes away. Needless to say I was highly embarrassed; thankfully my company & client – who have both been incredibly kind & supportive – understood.
My sleeping patterns have gotten better though. I’m usually in bed by 11:00 PM most nights, sometimes earlier. I wake at 6:30 AM – that’s a good 7.5+ hours of sleep. I’m starting to feel more rested.
I split the pill now – if I feel I need one – the half works fine. I’ve read that these meds can interfere with REM cycles though; so I generally prefer to not take them.
But my current challenge is energy. I find myself feeling exhausted at times. I’ve been leaning too heavily on coffee & Diet Coke to push me through the workday.
It’s been just over two month’s since Michael passed. I miss him incredibly. I simply don’t know how not to yet. I’m brokenhearted every day. This is going to take a lot of time & effort to go through.
I’m doing OK otherwise. I’m adjusting to my “new normal.” I see a counselor weekly; he’s been a great help. My friends have been tremendously supportive.
I still wear my wedding ring. I’ve been wearing Michael’s wedding ring on a necklace that a dear friend gave to me.
I fumble horrendously on plurals. I’m still trying to transition my thinking from “we” to “I” and from “our” to “my.” Because sadly there is no “us” now. It’s just “Jesse, Party of 1.”
My house is in need of a good cleaning. I’m tackling this challenge over the long holiday weekend. It’ll involve going through our stuff; but it’s time. I’ve done moderate cleaning but I’ve realized I have a more stuff than I know about; so I should probably step back & take stock.
I’d let Michael control the entryway closet; the carport storage bin and a few junk drawers. I need to check out what’s in them. The hard part is that it’s also an opportunity to clean-up a bit.
I’ll touch-base after the weekend cleaning. This may be harder than I expect.