I lost my husband of 32 years 18 months ago and can't seem to get past the guilt and the denial. After 2 months in ICU and him being paralyxed on one side of his body including becoming blind in one eye from the stroke, I took him off the ventilator. He died two days later. I have gone for counseling and at times think I did what was best for him. He ws the kind of person who would not have wanted to live n a wheelchair and need people to help him do oeverything. Part of me knows that but another part says I coud have helped him. I know that is selfish but I really want him no matter what. The days are pretty much Ok. I try to keep busy, but the nights are the worst. I talk to him all the time and that helps. For a couple of weeks the crying was a little less and not as intense, but this past week it has gotten worse. I know I have to create a new life without him, but it seems impossible. Everyone tells me how strong I am, but they don't know what it is like behing closed doors.