I lost my husband of 32 years 18 months ago and can't seem to get past the guilt and the denial. After 2 months in ICU and him being paralyxed on one side of his body including becoming blind in one eye  from the stroke, I took him off the ventilator. He died two days later. I have gone for counseling and at times think I did what was best for him. He ws the kind of person who would not have wanted to live n a wheelchair and need people to help him do oeverything. Part of me knows that but another part says I coud have helped him. I know that is selfish but I really want him no matter what. The days are pretty much Ok. I try to keep busy, but the nights are the worst. I talk to him all the time and that helps. For a couple of weeks the crying was a little less and not as intense, but this past week it has gotten worse. I know I have to create a new life without him, but it seems impossible. Everyone tells me how strong I am, but they don't know what it is like behing closed doors.



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Comment by Chicago Beard on July 26, 2013 at 10:39pm


Welcome to the club nobody wants to join. What you are feeling is not unusual. I am sure he is grateful you did not keep him alive artificially. You made the best choice you could at the time considering the circumstances and your emotions. 

Coming to this site was a smart move. I am going on three years of losing my wife of 30 years. This site and the support and understanding I got from fellow bereaved is what has helped me the most in my grief. I hope we can provide the same for you. No one who has not gone through truly understands. I am a psychotherapist who has been working in mental health since 1973 and I did not realize what I did not know until I lost my Rose. Be as well as you can and I am sending a virtual hug to you.

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