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Signs

Signs come in many forms (Daffodils, Photo via stock.xchng/redster) When I am talking with someone who is grieving, the conversation often turns to the signs they have received from their loved one, letting them know they are still around. They range from the subtle to the incredibly direct.

One woman said she saw her husband approach, felt him kiss her on the cheek and heard his voice telling her that he loved her. Most are not that clear. One woman told me that she had wanted to plant flowers at her husband’s grave. The cemetery’s policies did not permit this and she was quite upset. However, when she visited his grave in the spring, buttercups had popped up all over. It seemed that even if she could not plant flowers, there was no rule against nature providing them! I know a man whose wife’s grave had the grass fill in everywhere, except for a perfect heart shape that remained bare. Signs…they come in all forms.

There are four steps to receiving signs from your loved one:

First you must notice it. If you walk by and are not aware of those pennies being placed in your path, you may miss the message.
Secondly, you must recognize it as a sign. As one grieving mom told me, the white dove that flew around her tree every afternoon at 2:00 p.m. was a message from her daughter (not just a bird of habit).
Third, you must interpret it. What does this mean? I was walking with a new widow when we almost stepped upon a large beetle. It was unusual to see this type of bug in my area and it was not moving when she nudged it with her cane. I did some research and found out that in ancient Egyptian times the beetle or scarab was thought to represent the transition of the soul from life into death.

For ancient Egyptians the beetle or scarab represented the soul's transition from life to death (Photo via stock.xchng/mferraro)

Finally, you must believe it. Do not just write it off as being “in your imagination.” Notice how you feel when you hear a special song everywhere you go; or if when you are thinking of your loved one, their picture drops off of the wall at that same moment.

Signs… they come in no particular way or at any set time, but when they show up, they can bring you the comfort you have been seeking.

Nancy Weil is a leading authority on humor and grief. She serves as Director of Grief Support for eleven cemeteries and is a Certified Funeral Celebrant and Grief Management Specialist. Through her company, The Laugh Academy, she offers products to ease the stress and pain that grief can bring. Bandages for Your Heart on DVD or CD, Laugh for the Health of It on CD and her new book, If Stress Doesn’t Kill You, Your Family Might, can be ordered by clicking here.

Top Image: stock.xchng/redster

Second Image: stock.xchng/mferraro

Tags: connection, coping with loss and grief, faith, hope, how to, remembering, signs

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Comment by Nancy Weil on April 30, 2012 at 7:28am: Melanie, I am so sorry for your loss. Please do not take it personally if you have yet to receive a sign that they are okay. Sometimes they come to others or they do come to you and you don't realize it. There are so many subtle ways they let you know that they are with you and even if you don't get a sign, you can still take comfort in knowing that they are with you always and that the love you shared will never end.

Comment by Melanie Stracner on April 28, 2012 at 10:52am: I ask for signs from my recently passed long time boyfriend and from my dad who past 20 years ago, we were best friends, but I never receive anything and I am always looking. I feel very hurt by this. Other people have gotten signs from them but why not me??? I loved them so much, they were my whole world and now they are gone and I am left here alone; it's not fair

Comment by Nancy Weil on March 6, 2012 at 7:55am: Elaine,

What beautiful signs your husband has given to your family. Our loved ones want us to know that they are fine and that they are watching out over us. While not everyone gets signs as strong as you have, you illustrate why you must be open and aware when a sign is shown. I know someone who had a blank text message from her husband months after he died show up on her phone. As difficult as it is to not have those we love around us physically, it is so comforting to know they are still around us through our connection of love.

Comment by Elaine Wilkinson on March 3, 2012 at 9:17pm: I asked my husband, who was dying of pancreatic cancer, if he could, would he send me a sign that he was OK. He agreed. Then when he was in the hospital, within a couple of hours of dying, I reminded him about it. He shook his head yes. About the sixth day after he died I was looking at my facebook page and it said I had a message from my husband on June 19th, three days after he died, but the message was blank. My grandson was over and he thought he could get the message another way. So he took me to a page that I had to type the two words to prove that I was a human being and not a computer. The words that came up was something that didn't make sense and heaven. I was astonished. I had a blank message from Brian and the word I had to type was heaven. I took that as my answer that I wanted. There are thousands of words in those programs, what's the odds that heaven would come up for me?

#2 - My daughter has a tree in her yard that is 19 years old and was dug out of a ditch by her father. When he dug it,it was fall and it had beautiful colours of floresent orange. Never has it been colourful again in the fall. This year about four months after my husband died, it was beautiful again, of course much larger, and floresent orange! She took that as a sign from her father that he is around.

#3 My other daughter had a dream and in that dream my mother was talking to her. She told her to not worry about her Dad, he was in heaven with my parents and they were taking good care of him. My mother knew that our second daughter was taking her Dad's death hard and came to console her. She knew she had a sign that her Dad was OK.

#4 - Our only granddaughter for 12 years had a sign from her Grandpa who thought the world of her. She was his favourite and she still sat on his knee until she was 18. At the cemetery, all the grandchildren let blue balloons go to the sky as a symbol that he was free from his illness and pain. About 5 months later, our granddaughter was driving home from work and it was foggy, so foggy she could hardly see where she was going. From out of nowhere a blue balloon was in front of her car and it stayed there till she got home and then disappeared as fast as it appeared. She took that as a sign that he was leading her home and looking out for her. She cried about 3 days after that.

#5 - My friend was on facebook and she noticed a message from me. While she was reading it, my husband's picture came on the monitor and came to rest right beside me and stayed there. She called me to tell me about it and to tell me that this means that he will always be by my side to guide me and protect me. That was a day of crying!

So, was this all our vivid imaginations, or was this really signs from my husband, Brian? What do you think?

Comment by Donna Lundgren on February 27, 2012 at 5:19pm: My dad passed away in July of 2011. Before his passing, he told me of a woodpecker that visited a tree in his yard frequently. After he passed, I moved into his house. The day after we moved in, the woodpecker was "knocking" on a tree. I haven't seen or heard the bird since. I have a woodpecker decoration that hangs on the wall that I've had for a long time. That is my constant reminder of my dad, he made sure I would never forget.

Comment by Nancy Weil on February 15, 2012 at 7:37am: George, How wonderful that you were aware enough to notice the references. Words that keep popping up are definitely something to pay attention to. Take comfort that Denise is still around you sending you love.

Comment by George Bragg on February 14, 2012 at 10:08am: I got what I think is a very good sign... The day after I found out that Denise had died, I ran across a couple of references to lobsters while doing unrelated online research (Salvador Dali used to walk his pet lobster; Jean-Paul Sartre believed he was being followed by a lobster in later life). Then, the very next day, I found a pewter lobster pin on the ground. There's a few reasons I believe this is all a sign from her: first, she used to call me "love bug", and the word "lobster" has the first letters of "love" and "bug" in it. Second, she was a big fan of the show "Friends", and I found out afterwards that there's a reference in an episode of that show to lobsters being "mates for life". So I think she sent me a message from beyond that she's still there, still loving me, and now I have the pin to remind me of her.

Comment by Nancy Weil on February 13, 2012 at 7:31am: Crystal,

How wonderful to receive such a clear sign when you asked for it. Wish it could be that way for most of us, but it doesn't usually show up that way. Electronics are known to be used for signs - lights going on or off, tvs suddenly turning on, etc. It is comforting to know that your brother continues to be around you. I am so sorry for your loss- siblings have a special bond for you share memories of childhood. Continue to keep him in your heart.

Comment by Crystal on February 11, 2012 at 3:48pm: I lost my brother on January 27, 2012. Im still in shock that he is gone. I was in his room sitting in front of his laptop, I began to question if there was a god or if there was anything after death. I said just give me a sign let me know you are here. His laptop shutoff right then & there. I was a lil scared at first then started to ask if his laptop would normally do that. I realized I had received my sign.

Comment by Kathryn Sheffler on February 6, 2012 at 10:03pm: I had started taking an anti-depressant, and as the medicine was working in my brain I was experiencing some incredible lows. I was more miserable and heartbroken than before I started the meds. I could not break out of the sadness, no matter how hard I tried. By the end of the week, I was feeling at my worst. That day I had to get out to run errands earlier in the day. It was gloomy, dark and dreary. It really felt like my mood at this point in my life. On my way home from running my errands, I paid a visit to the cemetery to visit my parents' graves. I start talking to them about the hurt and pain I was feeling. I was crying uncontrollably and felt swallowed up by the grief. Then a few moments into my visit, the gray clouds parted and the sun started shining brighter than I could have ever imagined. There wasn't a cloud in sight near that sunshine. Normally, I don't believe in signs from above or things happening like this. It felt like a dream, or a movie sequence even. No doubt though, I felt the warmth of that sun as a gently hug from my parents. It helped console me a bit, and I take solace in the fact that they are watching over me. Thank heavens for my camera phone letting me capture that beautiful reminder.