I really feel as though something has broken in my brain. I've told my head Dr. about this and she said its PTSS and severe trauma from loosing so many family members. I've lost 2 husbands from illness, my mom from suiside and my brother for a needle stuck in his arm with drugs. With the passing of this last husband I've never seen anything more horrible ever in my life. He weighed 68 lbs when he passed. It was like a horror movie and I  can't get that vision out of my my head at night when I go to bed.  Could I be permenently damaged by this? Will I get past this vision and seek new memories.  I want to! I don't want to be alone but it hasn't even been a year yet and the visions are as though it was yesterday.  I don't get out enough and see diff things to take it off my mind and I sit and play the same horror movie over and over again.  I don't think I will ever been the same again and to know how he suffered is more than I can bare. I should have done something to stop the madness and pain he went through. I almost joined him in his bed at home with an overdose for both of us to go together but its a sin and I so want to see him again in heaven.  Anyway its bedtime again and get ready for the visions. Pray for me and that this will stop soon.. Love to all of you.

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