Webster’s definition of surrender:
To give oneself over to something (as an influence)
To give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
Synonym: Relinquish --give up; to withdraw or retreat from
Sometimes grief is so painful and your loss so deep that you might want to surrender to your darkest emotions, but society tells you “you must be strong.”
What if society’s definitions of weak and strong are incorrect?
What if being stoic or strong is really weak because it avoids dealing with one’s true emotions?
What if surrendering to how you really feel is the way to move through your grief in the healthiest manner?
Take into consideration that in spiritual terms “surrender” is the most important concept to embrace in order to be able to achieve enlightenment, which is a movement toward the idea of universal human progress. In order to move forward onto this plain of enlightenment, one must surrender to his or her circumstances.
For example, take the case of a man struggling in quicksand. What happens? Each time he fights to stay above the sinking ground, he loses more and more of his footing. If he can only relax and surrender to his circumstance, he will be able to stay on the surface long enough to see a branch that may be extended to him.
In a three-step process, you might try applying this concept to your life.
1. Surrender to your circumstances of the loss of a loved one
2. Accept your circumstances
3. Understand how the circumstances of your life have changed, and that they are not necessarily better or worse – just different
When your mind is able to stop fighting or denying the circumstances of your life, as they now stand without your loved one, the knowledge of how to rise above your negatively perceived place may come to you naturally. This is the true meaning of the term “going with the flow.” By tearing down walls, you allow the flow of energy to lift you toward “the answer” or enlightenment.
Ellen Gerst, a Life Coach who specializes in grief and relationships, is the author of several books on grief, including A Practical Guide To Widow/erhood, born out of Ellen's own experiences as a young widow; 101 Tips and Thoughts on Coping with Grief, an easy-to-read reference guide filled with suggestions for every day use on moving forward through the grief journey; and Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story. "Love After Loss" is a blueprint on how to use her successful method to redesign your life to include a new love connection after the loss of a partner. Join the conversation on Facebook for Love After Loss. Click for more information and to order grief related services and books.