They say, writing is the best way to sort your feelings out, I do not know if thats true, but it's worth a try.
I have lost so many loved ones in my life, some of the most important people I lost at a young age.
My Uncle by marriage has always sent me pictures of the past, he does it mostly to keep in touch I think.
I received two pictures the other day and they have been haunting me. Pictures have never bothered me until this recent set came along.
This child, she must have been 5 years old in the first picture and seven years old in the other, in both there were smiles and laughter. She was unaware of what the future held and how many times her heart would be broken to the point she would never fully recover.
I have begun to mourn for this little girl and I can't seem to get her out of my mind.
You see, I'm 57 years old and that child was me.
I cry for her loss and yearn for some memories of the innocence she had.
It's like she is a stranger to me, but I want to wrap my arms around her and protect her for always.
The adult in me, knows that the child is me, but still I see this girl and pity her and the sad life she will grow up in.
In one way or the other the grieving process lasts a lifetime, you go along on your merry way, than something as innocent as a picture draws you back into the darkness.
Why am I now , 49 years after my parents deaths, set off into this realm of mourning for the little girl in the picture? I look at her and want to Mother her and take her future pain away. Why?
For the life of me, I can not figure out why?
Is there other orphans that feel this way all these years later, is it something that a young childs mind blocked or wasn't mature enough to know the meaning of final loss?
Or is it just me as a adult looking in and longing for the past once again and taking for granted that my parents would always be there.
All I know for now is that little girl in the picture is mourned for by me.