This is what I say and it may be helpful or you may not like it, but I would cry my heart out whenever the mood strikes you.  Let your other children see your grief, then they will be able to express theirs.  There is no need to be strong now.  Crying helps us to let out those awful feelings.  I would walk around the block for hours, crying, thinking, raging, and people pretty much ignored me.  And that was ok. Many seem to think that we should be over our grief in a certain time period.  And that is not true.  Everyone must take as much time as they need to grieve.  Losing a child is the hardest thing any of us will ever face.  There is nothing close to it.  The shock lasts for a long time for some of us.  

 

My oldest son had a horrible time when his brother died.  He quit going to work, broke up with his girlfriend and pretty much gave up.  He is now coming out of it and getting his life back together again.  He was my rock though.  He has been there for me since Travis passed away.  I have tried to help him talk about his feelings, but he can't.  I think he has found others he feels more comfortable talking to about it.  And that is ok.  He was the oldest, and he felt he should have protected him.  He felt his brother should have lived and he should have been taken.  And I think we all feel that in some way, that it should have been me, take me and let him live.  It doesn't work that way.  

 

I guess for about two years I just stayed in my room, and watched TV and cried, and thought about how many things I should have said and done.  I tortured myself, pretty much, and now, I have learned that moving on means letting go.  Letting their spirit soar to where ever it is meant to be.  I have his memory always with me in my heart.  He will never be forgotten, as he was so loved by so many.  He lives on in his children, and his legacy is one of love.  For five years I couldn't watch any movie that dealt with the war, or military subjects.  Then I watched the Pacific on Veterans Day, and I felt amazed at what these men went through, and survived, and I wept for the ones who didn't.  It showed me how very closely these soldiers are bonded together.  I am in awe of their bravery and sacrifice through the years.

 

After five years, I am still working on the acceptance part.  A wee small part of me still expects that the phone will ring, and Travis will say, "Mama!"  I know it won't happen, but that hope is still there.  Now, I am glad when I hear his voice in my dreams.

 

So, yes, when the grief is new let it out.  I don't care if you scare the dog, or the neighbors, the most important thing is that you let the pain out. Don't put on a brave face.  Different cultures handle grief in different ways.  I think wailing is a good way to deal with it.  Its what comes out of us when we hurt so bad.  We should all learn to wail.  

 

God bless everyone this Christmas Day.  God be with you in your pain and give you comfort.   

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Comment by Mary Ann Squires (Macs) on December 26, 2010 at 12:19pm

Thank you for your words of wisdom, they bring comfort at a time my heart and body are breaking.  My son Logan, will live on forever in  everyone's heart that he touched, and just knowing that helps me get through a day at a time.

Thank you and God Bless,

Macs

Comment by Debra on December 25, 2010 at 10:33pm
If I can help you in some small way, then I am indeed blessed.  God bless you this Christmas night, and always.
Comment by Phil's Mamama on December 25, 2010 at 6:49pm

I have never read anything that spoke to me with words I need to hear.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

Philips Mamma

Diane Dillon  NC

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