Dear Chris,

I miss u so much I don't know what to do with myself. I go to work and put this stupied smile on my face and hope and pray nobody sees through to the real pain.I can't get anyone to help me I have tried so hard to find a lawyer to say the dr's done something wrong but that in it's self is a good thing because I made all the right decisions. I often wonder if I had turned left instead of right would that have changed your destany. God I hate living. I hate my life. I can't believe some of the things people say to me like God don't put more on u than u can bear but that isn't true. This is way to hard. I find myself wanting and wondering why the battle was so long and so hard and just to loose it.

I made u a walk to remember or it is in the process I pour a sidewalk and each step has a word that reminds me of and your friends and family of u. I need this I need to do this. I can't let u go. Nobody will ever know what u did for the world. You inproved cancer treatment for everyone. Nobody understands that u are now in the Medical Journals with help to others but nobody will know that. I don't want u ever forgotten.

Wake me up when Sept is over is a them for the month. This is the month u were born,this is the month your illness came back for the 3 time. This is the month they gave u the chemo that took u away. I hate this month. I wish I could take a pill and just sleep through the month and not face it.

My counsler thinks it is time for me to get rid of your stuff but I am not ready. I will not ever give up on the hopes of seeing you again. I know this isn't healthy but it is how I survive. I want to see u walk through the door and wake me up that this has all been a bad dream. He also states I need to get on with my life but I don't know how. I have put my life on hold to take care of u and would do it again. Seven years I sat by your bedside. I don't know how to start living or nor do I have the want to. I just don't understand.

I saved a little boy from getting killed by those dogs u hated. They almost killed him by the time I got to him. I drop kicked one and punched the other. They left and I started to help the little boy and called 911 but they came back and I once again threw myself on top of him and knocked the dogs away and u guessed it they left and came back again.The entire time I was praying and I know if you were here u would have done the samething. Everybody ask me was I scared no there was no time,what was I thinking that little boy was not going to die that day in my arms not again. There was a big thing made about it. I changed my phone number to keep the media off me. You would have been proud. I got a few bites but as I see it, all the bites I took was less the boy had to take. He is scared and hurt but alive.Amazing that as small as I am I fought off 2 pitbulls from killing a 11 year old boy.I still have dreams of the little boys screams and fighting the dogs. Maybe that is why I am still here. I was to save the little boy. I don't know I am just trying to make since of all this. I am trying to figure out how and when my life took such a turn. I am not a hero nor am I proud of it. It should have never happened.

I miss u so I would do anything to have 10 more minutes with you. I want to hold u and let u know everthing is ok. I want u back. No parent should ever have to let go of their child. I write this to you because it lets me know u are still here. I look around and Chad has your eyes. Kaden acts like u, Kenny is the one u look most like,everywhere I look u are alive.

Love always


Views: 28


You need to be a member of LegacyConnect to add comments!

Join LegacyConnect

Latest Conversations

Profile IconChantel Brown, Stella Wilson, Daryl Geisheimer and 1 more joined LegacyConnect
Theresia Wolf-McKenzie updated their profile
Aimee M Gallagher is now a member of LegacyConnect
Nov 23
Profile IconSally Parkman and SUSAN GORDON joined LegacyConnect
Nov 22

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2021   Created by   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service