I am in just a daze sometimes. Seems like the pain and agony will never end. I just don't understand living again. I sometimes just would like to go into a coma and not deal with the hurt and pain anymore I miss my son and picking up the pieces of what is left of my life is a hugh undertaking. I often ask why and then I see my grandsons and realize life goes on. Weather I want to be in it or not. Something are just to hard to let go of. My grieve counsler told me once that cant isn't an apporiate word. But he is wrong sometimes I really just can't make it through. I force myself and nobody seems to understand. I really can't do this nor do I want to. I am forced to live in this hurt. I am forced to keep going and sometimes I really can't do it. I go through the motions of living. I go through dailly life with no real meaning and propose. I find myself not caring if I wake in the morning or not. Jeese I just hate my life and all that I pretend to be and I hate putting on a stupied act of supposed living. I could go on and on about this stuff but it won't solve the problem I still have to wake in the morning.