I stumbled upon this website tonight because I could not sleep. I have nights like these every once and a while. But when they do come about, they are so difficult. I was always a home body. A family oriented italian girl. I loved smelling my mother's cooking from the street when I played with the neighborhood kids on a Sunday night. The sound of my dad playing the piano on my birthday was never a tradition I could imagine living without. Never did I expect that one day, my family would be gone. My mother was my best friend. I spent every waking moment with her until the very moment she took her last breath. My mother lost her battle with cancer when she was 61 years old and I was 23. She was first diagnosed with breast cancer that spread to just about everywhere, when she lost her battle from cancer in the lungs after a very long nine years. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. My very best friend. The person who know me better than anyone. She died in April 2009, as I was sleeping in her hospital bed with her, my head lying on her chest as she took her last breath. She waited until I fell asleep to know it was her time to go. My father died only 6 months after. My father became ill and his liver failed. After my mom took a turn for the worst with her health, he did not handle it well. I said goodbye to my dad on a December evening in 2009. Since my parents have left, I don't know who I am anymore or where it is that I can call home. I have two older sisters, but sometimes I find that even as the youngest, and now at around 26 years old, I am the only one who can hold us together. My sisters and I are not the same. There are a lot of arguments, and disagreements, but mainly because there is now the pressure to be close that it is basically tearing us all apart. I find myself lost and without the answers that I wish to find. I need to hear that things are going to be okay, but the only people I wish could tell me that are my parents. This website intrigued me because I feel like we all share similar stories. It was comforting to see that I am not alone. Even at the age of 26, perhaps we all have our stories that make us different and stronger all at the same time...

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Comment by Leslie Kann on September 24, 2011 at 3:23pm

I am new to this site...I too, cannot sleep.  I love my dad about a month ago and my mom has breast cancer, though her prognosis is good.  

I was struck by the sensitivity in your post, and how the feelings we share are so similar.  I am very sorry you lost both parents when you are so young yourself.   I pray God will give you strength.  I understand the sister component very well...it is so hard....Good luck Sarah. Take care of yourself and please know, you are not alone.  That is why I am here tonite instead of sleeping...I need to know I am not alone.  hugs.

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