Barbara Rieger's Comments

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At 12:19am on October 29, 2012, David, BERNIE's dad said…

Main thing is to walk around the house in both directions, and take in anything that is loose, especially metal objects. They can KILL. Anything too big to be taken in must be attached safely so it cannot move! Secong safety measure is to put tape in an X on any large panes of glass. Even if they shatter, it will stop the glass going all over the place! Third: fill lots of containers with water, clean ones for drinking; anything for washing AND flushing the toilet, in case water is cut off. Non-electric can opener; extra bread for sandwiches; LOTS of hot soup (remember: microwave GONE!); batteries for flashlight; turn freezers to coldest NOW, so that they stay colder longer. Try not to open them unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. Move cars away from trees, and prayers. 

At 11:46pm on October 20, 2012, David, BERNIE's dad said…

Thank you Barbara. Not that he looked all that bad, or that I had forgotten. It just brought back the reality of those 26 days at the Hospice, brushing his hair, trying to trim his mustache, feeding that horrible puréed food every day. It was so different to the previous two months in the adjacent hospital. That terrible feeling that so many people mention, wondering if I could have done more. It is so difficult.

At 11:16pm on October 20, 2012, Penny (Mary's mom) said…

Barbara, Mary was a bit of a medical miracle.  I was told she wouldn't live past the age of four, and I wouldn't accept that, and she lived another 20 years.  Doctors couldn't understand it, I did.  Her angels were always surrounding her, can' tell you how many times I woke up in the middle of the night for no reason except I thought I heard wake up, each time Mary was in severe respiratory distress or had anaphylaxis reaction.  Mary is one of a kind and would do anything to help anyone, and still does.  I've spent the last few days trying to make certain people in her life know how much she cares about them, and how important they are to her. They know, but sometimes we think we will have forever to say the things to people that need to be said. 

I tell my friends with children, never take a single moment with your children for granted, hug them, no matter how old they are.  Your life can change in an instant, and your entire world come crumbling at you feel.  Believe it or not, some times I hear, no it can't ever happen to me. I tell them no one wants to think that but, it can and does happen to parents every day.

Mary was pretty mature for her age and her health problems, acceptance doesn't mean she she gave up, she didn't.  She fought to the end, but I told her not to fight anymore, she was fighting to say for myself and Emily and that wasn't fair.

Your son and Mary may very well be friends, she loves people, she just had a hard time being around them. Now though it's not a problem, she can go anywhere do anything.  I'll admit when I tell some people that I've seen Mary and she's happy and healthy, they look at me with pity and think I'm a real nutcase or as Mary would say, bugnuts. I'm not though, our when our children pass that doesn't sever our connection to them, we will always be their parents.  Thank you for all your kind words.

At 4:17pm on October 10, 2012, Susan - Donny's Mom said…

This is too funny....the long haired child is my grand son before he had his hair cut....broke his Mom's heart when he told her he wanted it cut off.  But he was tired of everyone thinking he was a girl.  Here is his new look

He is my buddy here making cookies last week.  He is quite the character and really has been our saving grace in life.  Just keeps us plugging along and enjoying him.  He and his Mom(my daughter) live very close to us, and we are together all the time.

Donny was the biggest sweetheart .  He was kind to everyone and at his work (which was for a utility Co. in SF) customers that dealt with him doing construction by their homes actually wrote letters to the Co. with his name on the letters explaining how nice and helpful he was during the work.  They made a wall at work called "Donny's wall of fame" and encouraged other workers to be considerate to customers being inconvenienced.  he would have given the shirt off his back to young and old, man or woman.  He was just such a kind soul....the world needs more people like him.  And yes that is me in the middle....I am only 4'11" and Donny was 5'10" and 250 lbs no one could believe he was my boy.....but he ws tiny at one time.  Good chatting with you.


At 10:46am on October 10, 2012, Susan - Donny's Mom said…

Morning had chills when I read your post to me.  Most of my favorite photos of Donny have that "direct eye contact" look.  Hes on my screen savor and on my hutch (another picture) and I know what you mean.

When I go by the picture on my hutch I always say HI to him and touch his nose. It seems like he is looking right into my eyes too.  I think that is wonderful you felt something from his pictures.  That picture with the family together (with the B-day cake) was one of the last shots ever taken of him. It was November birthdays and he left us in December.  No the cute blonde in not me it is his middle daughter, Chloe.  The dark haired girl with the bun is his oldest daughter, Chelsey and the little one in front of him is his youngest, Carli.   The lady holding the knife is my sister in law, Karen and I am in the middle to the right of her.  I treasure that picture.  Thank you for sharing the feeling you had looking through my page.  To me I like to get a feeling with pictures of the person I post too.  I am one of the older ones on Legacy.  I am 65. But Donny was not one of the oldest.  But a child is a child no matter what age they left.

Hope you got some sleep last night.  Seems like your life is pretty full.  Like I said before you are an inspsiration to many on the site and always post quite good advice.

Hope you have a good day during these warm, sunny Fall days.


At 10:07am on September 13, 2012, Phyllis Estes said…

YOU Barbara..are such a good friend!  Thank you for sending me that sweet letter.  Thank you for pouring your heart out!  You amaze me with all your words, and I wish I could express myself like you.

I don't know why he said that to me.  I just know it hurt like hell.  Maybe he did it to "hurt" me.  But...he shall answer.  I am filing for divorce, because I just can't take it anymore.  Got enough on this plate of mine you know? 

Chris is "not right" and I can't have anyone in my life who is that messed up.  Even if he said it to hurt me...why??  Why would anyone want to hurt his wife that way?  It's unimaginable to me.  But..that's just me.

I love you for being here for me.  Seems nobody else is.  I guess you have to be "active" all the time on here or something.  ?? 

Anyway, your words helped me.  Really!  I will get on chat soon so we can talk.

I love you Barbara!  You are One Of A Kind!!!

At 4:17pm on September 3, 2012, Jill H. said…
Hi Barbara, thank you for writing, your note made me feel better about wanting to connect with my son's friends. Saturday is Derek's birthday and I have already heard from 2 of them this week via text (his 2 best friends) and a couple more who I have never met sent me friend requests on Facebook. The friend Derek was on the way to pick up when he had the accident asked if he could stop by the house on Saturday with a few friends. Makes me feel better, even though it will also make me sad, but I think coming to the house helps them feel close to Derek and they are doing right by their friend by checking in on me. When they are here i am just going to casually ask them if they would like to spend some time in the room where I have his urn and just see what they say. I think they will want to, but are probably afraid to ask just like I have been apprehensive in asking them. So I guess it goes both ways! I appreciate you sharing how your son's friends asked to "visit" with him. Hugs to you!
At 8:02pm on July 11, 2012, linda colvin said…

Hello Barbara, I know you fill my pain because you too have lost a child i dont think it matters boy or girl hurts so bad i still cry daily it is so hard to accept the fact  thanks for chatting back im crying just typing very nice to meet you


At 3:58pm on June 29, 2012, Phyllis Estes said…


I just knew you would respond to my post! :)  You are so sweet and caring, and I knew you would send some positive energy my way!  Thank you.  Gosh, it helps when people do care, and take the time to say so.  You're a doll!!

Hugs and love to you, and yes, I will take your advise.


At 5:21pm on June 24, 2012, Martha - Carrie's mom said…
Thanks Barbara! You are such a voice of reason, I really am aware that I am blessed in many ways, some days the whole thing just overwhelms me so I appreciate your comments, they help get me back on track
At 7:32am on June 24, 2012, HYTHA BROWN said…
Thank you be blessed this is not a easy walk I just dont understand how our sons lives could be so unappreciated by the justice system I have the same problem justice not being served.
At 9:36pm on June 23, 2012, Martha - Carrie's mom said…
thank you Barbara. Carrie's smile could light up a room and I miss that terribly. 8 weeks tonight. i wish I could go back in time, keep her close to me. I hate that time passes, don't want her to disappear but we are trying to figure out how to keep functioning. our younger daughter has made it her personal mission to keep Carrie's son close to us and so far, our son-in-law agrees so that helps and yet after I see him, I'm a mess. Very hard to pretend to be normal when your heart carries this enormous weight. How long til the fog clears and I can focus again?
At 9:21pm on May 14, 2012, Martha - Carrie's mom said…
Thank you for your comment, you've read my mind. I'm still in disbelief, then the tidal wave hits although as I read many of these posts, I feel somewhat lucky in that although my daughter became increasingly ill over the past 5 months, we had time, and were able to make some treasured memories. Still, even as sick as she became, I dearly wish we had her back. Did you find that there was a strain within your family? My poor husband is struggling, our younger daughter is trying to prop up others. Any guidance is appreciated, this is a sisterhood you just dont't want to join, but I don't think it's possible for anyone else to understand how awful this is.
At 12:40am on May 12, 2012, Kathryn Augie's mom said…
AndThankyou for saying Augie is beautiful I always would grab both sides of his face. And say "Augie you r beautiful" his reply " mom boys are'nt beautiful" I would look into his eyes and say"you are son". I miss him and his. Birthday is this Sunday Mothers Day. I a20 years old. I love him more and more everyday just like I did when he was here, not even death can stop a mothers love .
At 11:46pm on May 3, 2012, judy mcadams said…

Thank you so much I feel some what better I look at my grandkids slepping and it makes it worth living but the one grandson I have not seen since my Son past away that is what hurts me so bad thanks for being there for me I needed this Mikes Mom 

At 8:04pm on April 29, 2012, kathy andrews said…

Barbara I am so sorry for your loss.  It was very hard to be there because I thought of all the things he would be doing on his birthday.  If you cannot go that is fine we are all different.  But we are all the same.  We all have lost a precious child.  I go to stores and it is hard my son as he got older loved to go to stores.  Since he had a job he liked to buy his clothes.  He liked to look good.  So when I go to stores I think of how he would be looking at different things I just want to cry but I try not to because I don't want everyone looking at me. I ask myself why did this happen but I am sure we have all asked that.  But I guess we will not know this here on this life.  I know  I will see my precious Tyler again someday, but it hurts that I can't have him here with me now.  My faith does help me with the knowledge we will be together again.  I miss my son so much on May 1 it will be 2 months since he passed.  I cannot believe I have not seen his smiling face.  He was always smiling.  He loved people he helped them.  He never made fun of people.  He was just a good kid.  I hope I can make him proud in the things I do.  I know I was very proud of him.  I give my love to you.  

At 2:04pm on February 27, 2012, JoAnn Brozowski said…

Hi Barbara -- thanks for your post.  Since Tyler's death I have become much less concerned about what others think of me.  My husband gets annoyed because I only want to socialize with my sisters and a few very close friends.  I don't want to get together with his cousins and it annoys him.  I've told him to go himself and just tell them that JoAnn has not recovered from Tyler's death and feels more comfortable not attending many social events.  He won't do that.  I know how torn you are about the party.  My brother-in-law wanted to have a memorial dinner on the first anniversary and invite all of Tyler's friends so that we could trade stories, etc.  It would have been a wonderful idea except that neither my husband nor I could possibly bring ourselves to attend.  We've been invited to weddings for his friends, can't go to them either.  Now a few are having babies.  I want to keep up with what's going on in their lives because I loved all of them.  But then I become extremely sad thinking that Tyler will never experience any of these things.  Someday maybe, but I don't know.  I was even thinking about a short ceremony to dedicate the tree that was planted at his church.  His pastor could do the dedication and I would invite his friends.  But I never got up the nerve to actually put it in motion.  Oh well, I am just a different person than I was and I will never be that old JoAnn again.  If people don't like it, I can't help them.  It is what it is.

Love - JoAnn


PS - You are a few short months behind me, so we can compare war stories and share where we are at!

At 10:12pm on February 13, 2012, Tim's Mom, Vickie said…

Hi Barbara,

 I'm sorry for not answering sooner, I left the group for a bit. 

I wish I had met your son, but I'm happy to know he's with Tim. He needs to surround himself with good people that can't and won't hurt him anymore. 

  It's scary that we both lost our sons on the exact same day. Tim was 2009, and I just had to stop and look because it doesn't seem like almost 3 years, it still feels like last week. 

  I'm not sure when or if I'll be back to this site, I'd love to keep in touch though. My email is


At 7:58pm on January 3, 2012, Martin Connors said…

Hi Barb:

Thank you!  Timmy is my heart!  When he was killed it along with my world shattered.  He was a kind hearted kid.  Sometimes shy, sometimes overtly mature.  He didn't know how much the other kids liked him - he was sensitive to teasing, even light hearted kid stuff.  He tried so hard to be friends with people and would get upset if rejected.  I told him so many times with people like that they will need you before you ever need them.  I only wish that adage wasn't true with his death.  I miss him every moment of the day.

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