Cynthia, you have been on my heart today & in my prayers. I got your messg. the other night on my regular email, but haven't had a moment to get back in touch until now. We have alot in common. Gene sounds like a very sweet, funny man. I know how you feel about him and not wanting to even think about someone else.
Some times I think it would be awful to live the rest of my life alone, but I really am not ready to consider anyone else & believe I will be better off on my own. I have several aunts, a grandmother & a great grandmother who all lived many years as independant women & seemed quite content. I've had a few men show interest & it just makes me sick/mad. Weird, but true. I think why is this scuz here but not Larry?- really God, is this what you want for me? Of course that is not what God wants for us but I'm 1/2 crazy now & have lots of odd thoughts & responses that I would never have had before. I say all this because I know other widows have felt this way too & when they told me, it made me feel better about myself. I hope me sharing my whack feelings helps you feel better about you. Maybe you'll think "Hey, at least I'm not as messed up as Christy!" ;-)
On a good note let me share my excitement: I just got the acceptance letter from the IRS saying our nonprofit rec'vd tax exemption status! Praise God- Hip hip hooray! This is the best news I've had since I don't know when. Hopefully now people & businesses will be willing to donate $ to help us operate.
I'm sorry this is so long, but it may be awhile before we talk again & I have so much I need to get out as I'm sure you do to. PLEASE write to me anytime to vent or share, or whatever. Take good care of yourself. I do hope we can meet in person someday.
Hi- it's been a long time, but I wanted to check in and say 'hello.' I hope you are staying busy and adjusting. Everyone here seems to be progressing at very different rates now, although there was a time when many of us seemed to be in the same dreadful boat. One friend, Kathy, is engaged now- it's been right at 2 yrs since her husband passed. Another,Linda, like me, still has not put away her husband's things. My heart still hurts and I still cry at some point most days for any number of reasons because Larry is gone. It still seems surreal to me 1 and half yrs later, but I am o.k.
Thanks Cynthia for your comments & prayers. Good luck w/ your kitchen. I have had paint swatches on my bedrm wall for over a yr. now where we were planning to paint on Labor Day weekend & trying to decide on a color. It looks awful, but haven't been able to make myself do the neccessary prep work which would mean moving (disturbing) Larry's things piled here & there in the rm. That's the hard part. I kind of started last night simply because my daughter needed to swap dressers with me. I broke down at 1 pnt. & had to leave & go for a ride- get away for a bit, before finishing it. Being a widow is so much harder (emotionally, financially & every kind of way) than anyone would guess. I think of you & say a prayer more than you would guess. Take care. Hugs~ Christy
I haven't seen a post from you in a while & wanted you to know I think of you & say a prayer. I hope you are doing well. I have faced some rough spots recently but I'm hanging in & trudging forward. Please let me know when you head this way. My cell # (770) 633-5661. Hugs, Christy
Oh Cynthia ...... I feel for you ..... I too lost my husband in a tragic accident. He was killed when someone ran him off the road on his motorcycle. I, too, wasn't notified until the next day either. Larry was killed in the early morning hours of June 15, 2010. He was going from one ER to another to see a patient, but never made it there, instead someone ran him off the road and left him for dead. My husband, too, was on a curve and someone not paying attention came into his path of travel and when he swerved to avoid being hit head on, his tailpipe hit the curb and he was thrown from the bike and hit a wall face first. He was killed instantly. I know when I went to the site, it was horrible. I found pieces of his broken eye wear, pieces of the lights from the bike, stones with blood on them ... I even found hair of his that was ripped out of his head. My husband was my best friend also, and he was what completed me as well. I miss him terribly and often wonder how I am going to keep going on in such a lost state. It has been 10 months and I am still as lost now as I was on June 16,2010. The day I was notified. Wow..... I just noticed the date for your husband. October 21, 2010. My husband and I were married on October 21,2000 and had he not been killed we would have celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary that day. I love and miss him trememdously and always will. I don't know what I can say that will ease your pain, but I can tell you that you are not alone and I am here if you need to talk...... Lanne
Cynthia, I'm sorry you (we) have to go through this. All I can do is say a prayer that God will give us peace over all the sorrow & pain we have. I agree it seems so unfair that bad, or really sick, or really old people are still here but our good, healthy & young husbands are gone. I try not to think about it. Instead, I am thankful for the promise Easter brings of everlasting life. That is my belief & without it I have no hope of making it through each day. Yesterday was the first time in almost 8 months that I went all day without crying- or if I did cry it was so brief I don't remember. I cry so much it's hard to believe I might have gone through 1 whole day without tears. It's not easy but try to stay focused on good things & let go of the rest because it can destroy us. Today is Good Friday~ I hope you find comfort this Easter weekend. Hugs & best wishes~ Christy
I just read your post that you went to the accident scene today. That must have been so hard! I cannot belive you found a shirt of his - that is really something. I know that finding things that remind us of them (our spouses) can be bittersweet.
I have to drive past the accident scene of my husband almost every day.... I try to block it out when I come upon that area and pray. I also am so confused on how this accident could have happened and cannot bear the thought that he had to suffer in pain. I know you must feel that same pain. My heart and prayers continue to go with you.
I understand. When I say I'm getting used to it, I mean things that most people do, like drive to work alone, is something I haven't done much in the past 7 years so it takes getting used to. I have gone about 1 week now of driving into work without crying so hard I can barely see & it's been over 7 months now! I certainly miss Larry every moment all day long still, so while I am getting used to him not being by my side I miss him more & more.
I'm glad you are not going alone & that you can place the plaque & cross there. I wanted to do something like that but was not allowed & it really hurts. As for the woman that caused the wreck, didn't she die also? I know how you feel about her causing Gene's death because others are to blame for Larry's death also, but I find a small bit of comfort in knowing it wasn't done deliberatly- it was stupid, neglectful & avoidable, but at least it wasn't done on purpose. Last wk. at church our pastor said God requires us to forgive others as we wish to be forgiven and that He will never ask us to forgive others more than He forgives us. That's something to consider.
It's good you went to Disney but I'm sorry to hear you didn't enjoy it. I haven't experienced any guilt, but maybe that's because I haven't really enjoyed anything. You know Gene would want you to enjoy your life while you can. I just think none of us know if we will make it through the day so I try (not easy) to relax & let people know I love them & care about them & try to do a little something each day I want to do whether it's watch a movie with my son, or visit afriend... I don't want to waste the time I have been given.
Hang in there~ we will be alright if we don't give up :-)
Cynthia, I hope things go well for you on Thursday. Will your in-laws be going with you to the scene of the accident? Six months can feel like 6 days & 6 years all at once. It's been 7 for me & I believe I'm getting used to it more while missing him more. I wish you the best. Your in my prayers.
Cynthia, So happy to hear good news. Things have been a bit rough for me the past few days. I look forward to seeing you. I met w/ another widow from Legacy last Saturday. It was really nice to have someone that could relate. Our conversation was jumping all over the place but that was o.k. We talked for 2 1/2 hours! I am also planning to meet two others when I travel to N.C. next time. Kathy King lives in S.C. near Augusta, GA/Aiken, S.C. and Linda Gordon lives 45 min. from my brother in Clemmons, N.C.
I'm glad to hear the sod is growing well, I need to replace some in my front yard & go today to hand pick tiny weeds from the sod at the cemetary. This sunshine sure beats the storms that came through Monday night/Tuesday morning!
I look forward to hearing from you soon~ Hugs, Christy
I just readyour post regarding you putting down the sod & having a true friend. I put sod down at Larry's gravesite in Set. & have been fertilizing it- hope it will spread & look nice this year. The tiny weeds are a battle to keep in check- you can't use weed & feed on new sod. I love that you have a friend like you do- the world would be a nicer place if everyone could say that. sorry to hear about the 2:00 a.m. sleep interruption but I've been like that for 7 months now! The most sleep I get is about 5 hrs, but I wake 1 or more times every night. It's awful. I'm envious of you getting to to stay home & work in the yard though- that's something I've always enjoyed. Take care, enjoy the sunshine -HUGS, Christy
Thanks for the well-wishes,; I need them! Yes you are blessed to havegood in-laws. When this first happened, I thought most people would have the love & support of thier husband's family, but I have learned that's not true in most cases. One lady here was married over 40 years & her in-laws have shown her & her sons no support. It's shameful. Just know & appreciate what you have, while you have it. You take care, HUGS, Christy
I can certainly relate to your loss - my husband was also involved in a semi accident but he was driving a pick up truck. We still do not know exactly how this happened but the tires of the semi drove right over him and crushed him. I only hope he didn't suffer too long before he coded. The miracle of this is that he was taking our two grandchildren to school (their mommy died 5 years ago after a surgical procedure and we have been helping our son with their care ever since that). The kids were fine since they both were on the right side of the car.
I cannot imagine how heartbreaking this has also beeen for you. I am at month 4 and it seems like reality is so difficult as each day passes. if only I could see him one more time - hear his laughter - feel his hug, etc. We were married right out of high school and were married 36 yrs. I grew up with him so we knew each other for 46 years. It is so painful to not have him here in my life.
I do the same thing~ think he's away & one day he'll be home. It helps I think, for now. My family lives in N.C. also- in Charlotte, Harrisburg (at Lowes race track) and in Mooresvile/Lake Norman. Where's yours? I'd love to meet you sometime. It's good to get away for at least a little while. Take care & be good to yourself~ HUGS, Christy
I just read your post regarding Gene's birthday and the upcoming fund raiser. You hang in there! I am praying for you. You appear to be handling this so well, but I know you are devastated just as I am. It's especially hard when they are taken from us so suddenly & we never get to lay eyes on them again. We just have to believe words we don't want to believe~ that they are not coming back~ at least not in this lifetime. No words for what we are feeling every moment of every day. We just do our best to love & honor them just as you are doing. It's an awesome thing to have this event to look forward to & to have the support of Gene's family. Take care of yourself~ HUGS, Christy
Thank you for writing to me Cynthia. Today I met with another woman who lives near me that lost her husband of a heart attack a year and a half ago. We sat at a coffee shop for over an hour just sharing stories. I plan on getting together with her again, it was healing. I miss my John so very very much. We were so lucky to have had a beautiful love affair. Not a day went by that he didnt say "I adhore you". I hold on to those words always. Gene is a very handsome man, you are very lucky to have had him in your life. Hold on to that. We have to be thankful for what we have and not what we lost. I know thats hard to accept, I have trouble with that because John was only 54 and I feel cheated, but I try to remember how beautiful my time with him was and I have zero regrets. I always told him daily how much I love him. We were best friends. Take care of yourself, go to a church support group. I did for 6 weeks and there were 10 people in it and I really looked forward to it every week. I now am attending another one, but it is not as enjoyable as the first one but I still go. Hugs to you.....