Dear Karen...I just read your tragic story of the loss of your son Kenny. There are so many similarities in my story of losing my son. Although my son was older (39) he also died in his sleep, had the flu the day his passed but the autopsy report called it an accidental OD. He too worked in heavy construction and 10 yrs prior had a swimming accident and broke his neck. He had major surgery but was able to return to work to support his family within a year. But with that injury came the pain meds. He needed them to continue to do his job at work. Then a nasty divorce came and then the anit-depression meds were added to the mix. So between the meds, the flu, and undiagnoised sleep apnea he left (very peacefully) in his sleep. Then his (widow) X actully acquired all that he had, even though they had not been togther for 1 1/2 but she wouldn't sign the final papers. This is all water under the bridge now and out of that marriage came 3 wonderful grand daughters we dearly love.
In reading through your posts we too tell them all, "we love them to the moon and back!!!"....
For me going on 15 months, I miss him everyday, wake up to his pictures by my computer and go to bed saying goodnight to his smiling face. He was a good guy, best friend of his Dad (my husband) and just a loveable guy that never met a stranger. I think I will ask "why" forever, and never know the answer. I just have to learn to live with our loss, keep him in our memories and try to love his daughters forever.
Sorry for your loss....we will always wonder why our sons?
I miss you my young son! I will always be your biggest fan and cheerleader! i hope you know how much you touched my life and everyone that knew you! I will hear your laugh! Always missing & loving you :)
today it is 2 years since Kenny took his eternal nap!
Kenny is eternally 23, (my hope to see him again someday!)He died in his sleep and I miss him like crazy even today! Desiring to see his smile, here his laugh, feel his hug! However what I choose to do is live,fore through my memories he will live on.Sorrow,is PAINFUL SOMETIMES PARALYZING BUT.......... I am thankful to everyone Kennys' friends my family & friends. Often in the last 2 years I have not been my best. Also often I reflect on and terribly miss my Kenny his humor,funny,honoriness etc. . Most days I really just have to remember to keep breathing! THANKS AGAIN TO EVERYONE WHOSE LIFE KENNY TOUCHED
This has become my new journaling space, almost cathartic. I manage to pull myself together get through a day,I'm supportive of is all others I'm in contact with. The families are faced with good & or bad news: Their Mom/dad,brother/sister,husband etc... now is ok(good news) or OMG: HE/SHE needs bypass surgery or Worse "there's nothing that can be done to help maybe medicines etc...)I do my best & its OK to cry with families while consoling and informing them.
thankyou for the kind words &,support. It's been 22 mo. since I have seen or spoke to my son. I miss him all of the time, I manage to pull myself together get through my day,be supportive of the families faced with both good & bad news: I lost my son to Sudden Cardiac DeathI am a Cardiac Cath Nurse/Tech See Hearts are my life & to loose my son to a disease I deal with everyday kills me with each breath I take, the day our Lord took him I knew something was wrong, I had spoken with him Monday & he had flue symptoms, Tuesday he was not up for a visit, Wednesday he & his wife were fighting,Thursday I left him a voice mail, Friday @ around noonish I left voicemails and texts to him, his wife , my ex-husband and felt my life and energy be sucked out of my soul. I went back inside to work & to my workmates I need to go to Kenny's house Somethings wrong, in his own way God????? sent in an emergency heart patient and I was to be the scrub on the case.....So I said to myself ok I'll go to Kenny's after work! I went back into work mode I felt empty but functioned & b4 I knew it, @ 5:18 PM THE LAST PERSON called kENNYS MOM! I arrived stopped by the cops! Saw my dead son hours later police were there investigators etc. & i was the last person to see him my baby Kenny @ 23 yes he will always be my baby! IT FEELS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY! THE NEWS SEEING HIM LOOSING HIS BODY FOR LIFE! OH I CAN NOT WAIT TO SEE HIM AGAIN!
Of course! the bible says to "console the depressed souls"
I'll keep you in my prayers. I can't wait to see my two uncles i never got to meet, one of them i was named after :) ... It will be a great time won't it, when we can live forever with our loved ones in peace! ( Pslams 37:10,11) thats my favorite scripture actually!
is Karen your first name? Your son was very handsome i am sure your grandchild is just as beautiful.
Dear Miss KMD i am very sorry to read of your loss. That must have been heart breaking for you. You are in my prayers! and take comfort in the ressurrecton hope. You and Ethan will see Kenny again. :) Jesus spoke of it in John 5:28,29 Do not marvel at this because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out"
kmd here i am 3-31 in the morning, by baby justin birthday was monday the 1st. im still struggling it is so bad i feel sick all over,i didnt even go put flowers are let any ballons go. i can hardly make myself to get up. it is so much harder this year its been 16 months. hoppfully today i will get up. just know i no how hard it is for you, and my thoughts are with you and your baby.pam justins mom
It seems we are in a very similar place. Last night I slept 2 1/2 hours and hopefully tonight I will sleep longer.
I still also struggle with the grave site, no on wants to join me either, and I have made it ok with me. I'd rather be there by myself, I can clip the grass or clean his stone and just talk and cry and talk more. I don't have to worry am I upsetting the other person, In the company of otehrs I am a caregiver and don't take care of myself! I guess it is like that for most moms.
I am so sorry for your tragic year 2008 first your mom than your baby boy Justin. Yes they are always going to be our babies. Waiting to see him again! Get some rest tonight and Know that Justin Loves you and those shadows you may see out of the corner of you eye every now and again. I believe it may be him or someone he has watching over you and loving you. These are a few crazy things that get me through the day. Take care karen
thank you for writing me back,mrs. kmd oh how true it is what you said,it is harder and yes i've been in the fog today was hard its 3 in the morning and here i am awake thinking of my baby,oh how we miss them am i ever going to be okay, i don't think so my heart hurts as i'm sure yours does. I have to get a picture of my dear son on here so everyone can see how good looking he was like your son. my son had the most beautful eyes and heart he would always tell a new girlfriend if you dont like my mom we cant go together. a lady is wanting me to go to a grieve support weekend i just dont think i can is it going to make it worse are they going to say stuff to upset me more.the pain is terrible no one can understand, i go to my sons site all by myself it seems like if they dont want to i am i'm going to make his and my mom place nice as can be. my mom passed june 20th and my baby oct. 3 08 so much loss my mom was sick with cancer and we new she wasnt going to be with us long i thought that was bad which it it i loved her so, but the pain for my son is so differant i would not wish this on anyone. some times i just cant go and other days i go and dont no were im going just lost without him even though i have two other kids no one can take his place. you hang in there and we just have to keep going as hard as it is until our time comes to go home. thinkig of you just rember all the wondreful memories. JUSTNS mom Pam
It's been 21 months since I heard: I love You from my Kenny.
I read through your wall and this is my brief recollection of the first year after Kenny died:I explain to folks: Sorry...,have I met you? Do I know you? I've Been In a Fog since 4/18/2008. I lost the first 14 months after Kenny's death. The pain was so intense that I would sit for hours and cry, or go to the grave and just sit or one Saturday when it was raining I took dirt rakes and seed out to the grave and re-excavated the site, to my standards filling divets etc. KENNY WAS A CERT. HEAVY EQUIPMENT OPERATOR. So a messy grave is totally unacceptable.:)
YR1:I attended support group for a short time, but could not connect with the group.
I went to counceling 6 months 1st.& this is what I learned:
YR.1: FOG, NUMB,all phases of death/dying grief is experienced sometimes in the same hour. Emotions wax & wane. Intense Pain
YEAR 2 : Worse than 1st. WHY? BECAUSE NOW YOU REALIZE YOUR BABY HAS REALLY GONE AWAY/ now you're only hope is to see him again
YET I (and you may too) wish that you don't wake up in the morning,& when you do,you go do whats expected of you.
So here I am @ 21 months later I still cry, I still talk about Kenny ALLOT, sometimes if the person doesn't know he's dead they'll ask me where does he live? & how often do you see him?
My response is the address of his grave site & we visit 2-3 x's a week and I change the subject
I have nights where I can't sleep,etc....I read I journal,surf the web, Mostly I pray the hole in my heart would get smaller but it still feels GIGANTIC! The pain is still the same after this time Many say it gets different with time....... Always loving my silly man Kenny
dear kmd so sorry for your big loss and not noing how everything went,i'm sure the pain is terible to lose two. my son passed on oct.3 of 08 he had twins on the way he never saw bitter sweet i love them so but always thinging how there dad would be loving it. you are not alone our life will never be the same never without our son. Justins mom pam