Marie's Comments

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At 4:57pm on December 13, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Hi Marie, havnt been on the site for awhile. Just wanted to wish you a happy holiday season, the best we can have.. In my thoughts, hope your doing ok.. It's still a struggle, trying to get use to my life without him. It's a very slow process, doing the best I can.. Stay well, I'll check in with you soon
At 5:02pm on October 22, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Marie, haven't heard from you in a few days or from Barbara, hope you are maybe just a little bit better, last weekend was one of the worst weekends & I don't even want to think about the weekend coming up, on Sunday would have been our anniversary & it's one year that we sailed on our last trip together, who would have guessed? I still feel it is surreal & can't stop the crying, not once or twice, sometimes countless of times a day, hope u are doing better than me.

Many Hugs,

Elvira

At 10:23pm on September 11, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Marie, so sorry you are feeling so sad, I understand you completely my friend, the sadness doesn't ease up, on the contrary, at least for me, I miss him more & more everyday, I was just packing & crying at the same time, thinking how happy he would have been to be going on vacation, my stomach has been very upset lately, nausea all the time, my sister says I am getting sick because of all the anxiety & crying, says I have to try to control myself because I am going to wind up in the hospital, I really do try, I am on anti-depressives & sometimes I need to take anti anxiety medication or I can't function.

Yesterday was also a bad day, my neighbor's 2 year old baby almost died from a pool accident, I couldn't control myself, because originally they thought he had died, I cried & cried & said to myself, what else is going to happen, I am scared all the time, expecting something to go wrong, if u must go on anti depressives, then do so, u can't battle this sadness without help, many people tell me to see a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist but u know what, nobody will take away what I am feeling, so it makes no sense to me, if people want me to talk it out, I do, to my Pablo, to God & family & some friends that understand, must say most of those are male friends.

Marie, wish I could console you & tell u that the sadness will subside but you are ahead of me on the grieving process & that hasn't helped you, we feel what we feel & I pray for all of us to start to accept what has happened in our lives & I ask God every single day to help me & to give me acceptance & some understanding why it had to happen to my family,

I will try to keep in touch even while on vacation if I can, I pray I can at least have some peace of mind while I am away.

Many Hugs, u need then more today & don't ever forget he is always near you although not how we want them to be.

Elvira

At 8:00pm on September 4, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Marie, we are going to Florida, staying first 3 days at my aunt's house in Hialeah, then going with a high school friend & my sister for 3 days to Key West, then will staying 1 week in Miami Beach & the last 3 days close to Ft Lauderdale because my friend lives in Miramar, should be back home on the 28th, when I get back only have 1 week left to get ready for baby shower which will be on the 4th of October, anyway I totally understand your feelings, I too try not to cry in front of people, they seem to understand just for a small amount of time but then they think you should be moving on with your life, I just can't the more time goes by, the more I miss him, right about this time last year we were going to Vegas & then on the cruise in October, just like u say, sit & cry & then cry some more.

haven't been feeling too great either & my sister thinks it's all the stress, I had an appointment with my doctor for this Monday coming up & I canceled it for when I get back from vacation, can't think about any appointments or blood results right now, don't want to get more stressed than I am already, need to relax my mind, work has been extremely busy & I have been basically working 2 jobs for the past 3 weeks.

Hope u are at least feeling calmer, believe me, I understand u so well, like you, I feel that both u & Barbara have been a blessing in my life.

Hugs,

Elvira

At 9:05am on August 30, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Hi Marie, read your post but like you, I haven't had the energy to write, usually off on Fridays but had to work yesterday to cover a co-worker, trying to keep busy planning the baby shower which will take place only 1 week after we come back from vacation but even things like these make me miss my hubby even more, I sit with my sister at a restaurant & just cry, people must think I am nuts, but u know what, I don't care, every little detail just reminds me of my Pablo, he would have been with me & the preparations every step of the way, I miss him more & more each day & I just can't stop the crying, in the past 6 and a half months since his passing I can tell you that not one day has gone by that I have been able to control my tears, don't see it coming any time soon, dreading that plane ride without him, he was my comfort & eased my nerves when we took off or landed or when it started to get shaky, I would practically tore his arm off & he would laugh & say, you should be used to it by now.

Just keep asking God every single day, Why him?, why my family again, too many deaths in such little time, I get terrified that something else will happen, I worry about my boys.

Now I am the one getting you all depressed, but know that both you & Barbara understand me totally.

I hope you are feeling somewhat better, sorry it hasn't gotten easy for any of us.

Hugs & Prayers,

Elvira

At 8:38pm on August 25, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Hi Marie, don't know if u are back from vacation yet, if not hope you are having a good time, I will be leaving Sept 13th, looking forward to the rest but not looking forward to going on a plane & on vacation without my love, nothing has changed from my side, tears everyday & extremely busy at work, doing 2 jobs because my co-worker is on vacation.

Hope u are doing better, always in my prayers.

Elvira

At 8:27am on August 5, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Good morning, so happy to hear from you. Seems the best comfort, I have is connecting with you and Elvira. Yes it was five months this week and I'm still struggling, trying to make sense of all that has happened, but no answers come. Try to be positive when I'm with others, but it's a false face I show. When I'm alone it's still empty, and lonely. I feel as though I have no purpose any longer, and don't have a clue, how that is going to change. I know I'm not the only one that has gone through this, but I don't know how to live again. Every minute of every day there is a memory of him, and what we had. Hope you can enjoy your trip, even though it will be different for you. Try to make the best of it. You will be in my thoughts, and prayers. As always thanks for your support, it helps so much. Write when you return, and stay well
At 9:12am on August 1, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Marie, I hear you, crying every day has not stopped for me, do it on a daily basis, still waiting for the day that it gets better, it hasn't, I can imagine your feelings about going on a plane by yourself, I am going with my sister but not the same, I miss from Pablo making all arrangements and reservations for all the vacations, these he looked forward to every year, will miss sitting next t him on the plane, I am not fond of planes & I would hold on to his hand really tight both when we took flight & landing or when there was turbulence, he said I was a scary cat, had to book a different hotel then the one I would stay with him in Miami Beach.

I hope you enjoy your vacation with your son & daughter in law & her mom, you will have someone with you that understands your feelings.

Take good care & try to enjoy, my vacation doesn't start til Sept 13th.

Sending hugs,

Elvira

At 8:58am on July 27, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Hi, Marie, I too have been busy, with a house full. Yes it is keeping me busy, but I miss my husband even more, as he loved to entertain, and loved everyone visiting, he always sails the more the meerier, and he was always a great help, he loved to grill, and cook.. So it's so different without him. Trying my best to put on a happy face for everyone.. I'll be lonely when they leave. I hope you have a great trip, and do the best to enjoy yourself, as hard as it may be. Our lives are not the same, and I'm trying hard to adjust, I don't like it much. So stay in touch, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers, stay well
At 3:53pm on July 23, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Marie, don't eve apologize for ranting, we all do & that's what we are here for because we can do so without being looked at as being weird,because we all can understand what we are going thru, I made it thru the wedding, cried some but tried to compose myself because my son did not deserve me crying all the time on his special day, on the other hand this past weekend was even harder, my mind & thoughts were constantly on Pablo, cried a lot, even though my son & daughter in law were not very compassionate, you would think that they would try to console me but all they did was ignore me every time I cried, for them is not the same, they have each other, me on the other hand & even though I live with my sister & she is very helpful & compassionate, it's not the same, we are used to waking up every morning with a partner next to us & when you are use to married life, being alone is terrible, at least for me, I keep hoping things get better but I can't stop crying, I think at all he is missing with the wedding, becoming a grandpa & vacations are even more of a killer for me, I feel horrible & guilty if I catch myself having fun or smiling, I think that he would have never chosen to leave me & makes me think of what he is thinking if I have a good time, don't even know how to explain my feelings.

I sure hope it gets better for all of us & soon.

Always in my thoughts,

Elvira

At 9:11pm on July 21, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Hey Marie, sorry haven't checked in with u girls, 2 very busy weekends, first the wedding & then this past weekend  my sister and I wet to Gettysburg with my son & daughter in law, so needless to say, was very busy but not a minute went by that I didn't think of or cried over Pablo's loss, I hope you girls are doing better than me, I can't stop crying, missed him so much today because every time I went for my mammogram he would always call me to see how everything went & that call never came.

Hope you are doing better,\-

Hugs,

Elvira

 

 

At 6:04am on July 12, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
I'm sure it willbe a tough week end for you. I'm glad to hear that your daughter is with you. Ican understand your pain about your son, as my daughter feels guilt also about her Dads passing, as she was here with me when he passed.it was very hard on her too, and she is having a hard time. I try to tellher, it was Ingods plan and she could not have done anything to prevent it. So like you, I try to make it easier for her, even though I'm hurting too. Maybe one day you an get to NY, to visit with your daughter, and you, me, and Elvira, can meet. I hope she will make it her sons wedding today with, some happiness, although iknowshe will besad that Pablo, is not by her side. I wish you both some comfort in the days ahead, keep in touch, as we have each other to lean on, and I'm thankful for that. Sending you my friendship and prayers.
At 4:25am on July 11, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Goog morning, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking and praying for you today, I know how hard it is for us all, and the support from each other is so helpful. I hope you will not be alone today, and find some comfort with friends or family. I wish we were all closer so we could comfort each other on these hard days. We are all together in spirit, feeling the same emotions. The struggle for us seems unending. Didn't sleep well, up way to early, as I sit here in the dark with my sorrow. So you know, you are not alone, we are all traveling the same journey, and it's not a fun one. Pray you get by today ok, and remember you have us to lean on. We understand. I hope that we can all , remember the good times, and maybe one day smile again.. Let me know how your doing, as you are in my thoughts everyday. I also know how hard it is for Elvira right now, and my heart breaks for her too. We have come to this site for comfort, and I'm so glad we found each other.. Try to do the best you can today, and cry , scream, do what ever you have to do, it's ok. Hope to hear from you soon, sending hugs your way.
At 10:20pm on July 10, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

So sorry Marie, I know how hard it will be for you tomorrow, you will be in my thoughts and prayers, as I also ask you for your prayers, I just came back from the hotel to drop off be bags for the hotel wedding guests, it was very hard to contain myself from crying because my son was with us, just thinking he won't be there for any of these events is killing me, even though we have family, w feel alone because they were our soul mates, cry if u must, I feel it helps me with my anxiety & my frustration and anger also, yes lots of anger, because I want answers that I know I won't ever get, the questions of why him still invade my mind all the time, such good men when there are so many bad people out there, why take the good people, we still needed them here, you are not alone tomorrow are you? I hope not.

Marie, my heart breaks for you, because only us here on this site know exactly how we are all feeling, not even family knows are desperation.

Hoping you find some peace, I know the next few days for me will be filled with anxiety as it was yesterday with his 5th month anniversary.

Stay in touch, in my prayers and thoughts.

Elvira

At 9:47pm on July 1, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Thanks for answering back so soon, happy for you that you will be with family the next couple of weeks, where are you going on vacation with your son? I took my vacation time in September with my sister, we took 3 weeks & we are flying down to Florida, few days with a girlfriend in Key West, 1 week in Miami Beach & 3 days in St Augustine, looking forward to it & not because Pablo loved going on vacations & just to think of him not being there with me is just so totally unreal & sadness overwhelms me, but I realize I need to get away also for some relaxation since the stress level is so high, it is actually pathetic.

I will post pics of centerpieces once the rehearsal dinner gets here, it's a surprise for both my son & fiancé, I don't think I got your friend request, I am in facebook as Elvira Padron- Castellanos, only because the friends of high school knew me by my maiden name, send me the request so u can see wedding pics also, what is your last name, so I know who is sending the request, I have gotten so many friend requests from people I don't know that I just delete them.

hoping to see u on facebook,

Elvira

At 6:47pm on July 1, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Hi Marie, been very busy with the rehearsal & wedding preparations, but nonetheless crying thru every event, I can understand fully when u say that as time goes by it seems to be getting worse, for me too, I hope the anti-depressant starts kicking in by next week so that I can somewhat control my emotions on the wedding day, need this long weekend to finish the centerpieces for rehearsal dinner & everything else, the weather here does not help me much, the heat really bothers me & my stomach has been acting up, I am assuming because of nerves & this heat & humidity making it worse, I may have been born in Cuba but came to the States when I was 10 yrs old & I love the cold temperatures, I feel much better with cold weather than with the heat.

when is your daughter getting there?

Hoping for better days for all of us,

Hugs.

Elvira

At 10:03pm on June 29, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Marie, very happy for you that you won't be alone for the 1st anniversary of his passing, so glad your daughter will be with you to give u a big hug.

I had a very busy weekend between getting things ready for the rehearsal dinner, wedding & finding a venue for the baby shower, we finally booked a place for October 4th, it happens to be the place were Pablo and I would go to dinner for our anniversaries, it has a beautiful view of the NYC skyline, just being there yesterday brought tears to my eyes, we were looking for October 5th & only Oct 4th was available & what coincidence that my bridal shower was on Oct 4th of 1980, anything that I am doing right now is extremely difficult for me without him by my side because nothing would have stopped him from helping me with all the preparations, anyway I keep repeating myself because I miss him so much.

Hope your weekend was bearable.

Hugs,

Elvira

At 7:00am on June 29, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Good morning Marie, it's Sunday and I'm thinking of him making breakfast or us going out for breakfast. I hate the way I'm feeling, and I'm really having a hard time dealing with his. Loss..I feel like I have so many balls in the air right now, and I'm not making much progress. Everyone keeps telling me not to make any changes right now, but I feel as though I'm so out of control, I guess I just want things the way they used to be, and that won't happen, it's up to me alone to take care of everything and I hate it. I'm waiting to see some light at the end of this journey, but it's not happening as yet. Hope you are doing ok, my thoughts are with you, write soon
At 7:15am on June 27, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Hi Marie, just checking up on you, hopefully you are feeling just slightly better, I have a very busy weekend coming up with wedding preparations, maybe it keeps my mind busy at least for this weekend, I am off today & going with my oldest son to look at some venues for the baby shower.

Sending you hugs,

Elvira.

At 7:57pm on June 26, 2014, Barbara Maier said…
Hi Marie, sorry I havnt posted to much I'm in Fla trying to grt things done, and it's worst here then up north. This is the house he passed in, and it's very hard being here alone. I look around at everything he did here, and it is very painfull . He loved it here and he only had a short time to enjoy it, I feel as though we were both cheated, after he worked so hard all hin life, to not have time to do the things we planned to do. I'm very depressed, and overwhelmed, I have to make all these hard decisions on my own. I really don't know where I go from here, without him. He always had the right answers, and took control. I always thought I was so strong, but I feel so out of control. Not sleeping or eating well either.i know my past life is over, and I don't like the new road I'm on. Don't want to bring you down, but had to vent to someone who understands. Have to write, to Elvira also, I know she's having a hard time too, and I think of you both everyday.. Thanks for being a friend, and I'll be in touch soon. Hugs, and prayers on the way to you.

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