Cathy Lashly's Comments

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At 9:07pm on November 22, 2010, Ronda Johnston said…
Hello Cathy, Please let me introduce my self, my name is Ronda and I just got done reading your post to Jo Ann Brozowski on Nov 21st. I just want to say how Deeply sorry I am to hear about your son Phil... Please don't say you were a lousy mother because you said you were all wrapped up in your husband's death... You were grieving the loss of your husband and when your grieving its so terribly hard to focus on other things & people even if they are you children , Its very hard. I bet you were the Best mom and Phil knows that. I too have lost a son his name is Sean he passed away June 14th 2010 the worst day of my life!!!! I feel like a part of me died too that same HORRIBLE day!!! he was 25 & he just had a B- D Nov 15th he would have been 26, I have a daughter too she is 21 and she still lives with us I try my hardest to be strong when she is around but its so difficult!!!! Cathy please if you ever want to talk I'm here anytime, We all need each other, k? God Bless You. Ronda
At 8:31am on November 22, 2010, JoAnn Brozowski said…
Hi Cathy - PART 2 - I ran out of room on the last post! Read that one first. Anyway, right at that time his girlfriend of three years broke up with him, probably because of the drinking. That only fueled the fire. The month of July the drinking increased. I was concerned but again my husband failed to take the situation seriously. I got Tyler a job at my company, full time, decent salary, benefits - but it was only as a receptionist. I tried to tell him that it was just for the time being, but he wasn't happy. He got back with his girlfriend for several months and than his drinking continued and trouble started with her again, and I noticed he would go out and drink at lunchtime. He promised her he would quit and did for the new year. But clearly he was addicted and needed to get high. His friends were never into drugs, so as a quick and available fix he tried huffing computer air duster. Someone showed him the A&E Intervention which featured this. (He wouldn't tell me who, I suspect it was the guy whose house he would hang out at.) We immediatly got him into rehab, but he wouldn't go inpatient, just outpatient. This continued for 3 weeks until I found him dead on the bathroom floor in work. I know how you feel, how could I have been so naive & blind. I should have gotten him help so much sooner. I should have worked on his depression more. I should have slapped my husband & made him realize how serious both the alcohol & depression was. He saw that after Tyler passed. Too late, too sad, too tragic. How can I not blame myself, my husband? He had loving parents, great friends, a wonderful girlfriend, why wasn't it enough? I cry that every day. What should I have done? What did I do wrong? Yes it was his choice on that day, but I was responsible for guiding him through life until that point. Clearly I failed somewhere & now I pay the price every minute of every day. Love to you, prayers for Phil. JoAnn
At 8:20am on November 22, 2010, JoAnn Brozowski said…
Hi Cathy - Wow, I got chills reading Phil's story - it is so similar to Tylers. He first suffered a bout of depression in his early teens, but was very against counseling and medication. He seemed to work through it on his own. After sophmore year in college, he brook up with a girlfriend who then started stalking him. He didn't share much with us. I finally found out all she had been putting him through on a day in late August when he swallowed a bunch of pills. He pulled through, but they committed him to the psych ward until they could get him on a medication regimen. He hated it more than anything. He was scheduled to go back to college during that time, and was going to move into a house with some college friends. I begged him to stay home for a semester and get himself pulled together, but he wanted to go. My husband never really understood depression (I have suffered from it so I understand) and thought the best thing would be for him to go. He turned 21 that September and was slightly older than the others, so he would go to a bar several nights a week for beer and free appetizers. Stopped his meds, spiraled down again and had to cut the semester short. Did the usual college drinking with friends, probably more in excess than the rest of them. Finished college and came home to stay in January 2009. The economy being what it is, he couldn't find a job. We did not know at the time, but he began drinking during the day while we were out and started going to a guy's house that we didn't know as well as his other friends. I believe now it was because they would drink together. Many nights he would not come home, and I thought he was being responsible by not driving! He found a job and was anxious to start, but it was an awful job (selling windows and siding for Sears, all commission, driving hundreds of miles each day) and became disillusioned. I told him to quit - he would find something else.
At 11:19am on November 19, 2010, JoAnn Brozowski said…
Hi Cathy - I have thanksgiving, christmas and Tyler's date of death (01/26) - three months in a row. Sometimes I wish I could go into a coma and awaken in February. I believe I had read that you lost your son due to alchohol abuse. I posted to your page on 11/12 about my son's problems with alcohol. Care to share?
At 2:34pm on November 12, 2010, JoAnn Brozowski said…
Hi Cathy - I lost my 24 year old son, Tyler, my only child in January of this year. He had problems with alcohol, and had stopped drinking for the New Year. But he needed something to get high so he turned to inhalants. Three weeks later he was dead. We are all in this together. Keep in touch.
At 9:07pm on April 25, 2010, Annette Walters said…
Cathy my heart aches with you for the loss of your precious son too. I don't know if you have a chance to go check out the website and story about Chase...I think you may find some comfort in the story and journals. Thank you for writing with me. Cherish all the good memories with your son, as we will see them one day in heaven. May God's strength and comfort help you get through each and every day. My heart aches with you today...I am sending you a big hug from you son!!! Love, Annette Walters
At 8:21pm on April 18, 2010, Sylvonia Banks said…
cathy sorry it took so long for me to respond do not know how i miss your comments but thank you for your kind words. Losing a child is the worst pain ever and I understand God only allows satan to take the child of the individual he know willl survive. i am so sorry and i know time passes, but the pain remains the same we all have that in common. i think of my baby everyday. It is hard for me to put into perspective because we talked everyday and yes i am here for you if you need me just email me i will respond quickly. God bless
At 9:17pm on March 1, 2010, Tami said…
Cathy, I know it is easier for us to blame ourselves and hold on to that guilt.... I do, But I have to realize that my Son made his own choices, he was a very strong willed person, that is what i love about him, but he made one really tragic decision the night he passed. I hope that you can get past the guilt, It isnt your fault no matter what happened, PLEASE take it one day at a time, It is a long long road, we are here to hold your hand and listen and help in any way we can.... {{{{{{HUGS TO YOU CATHY}}}}}
At 7:56pm on February 24, 2010, ivonne corona said…
thank you cathy, what happened with your son if i may ask?
At 3:35pm on February 24, 2010, Janie said…
Hi Cathy, I'm sorry for your loss. My name is Janie. I too lost my 32 yr old son to alcohol. His name is Rich. We lost him Jan 9, 2008. Enough time has passed, but the broken heart will never heal. Rich also was disabled because of a work injury to his spine. Of course taking alot of meds then alot of alcohol, which did not mix, the liver started shutting down. If you would like to e-mail me directly you can. So far we have ALOT in common. You are just starting on your journey, please have faith that God will get you through each day. I never thought I would be at the point I'm at now, but I have come along way. Yes it still hurts but not every day. I talk to Rich and his signs are red cardinals, when they sing I sing back. I miss him terribly, I also talk to his friends, that tell me stories a mom doesn't want to hear, now they are funny. God had a reason for taking our sons, I never questioned The Lord. Please write back. I'd like to hear about your son. Hugs, & Prayers to you
Janie from Brookfield, WI
At 3:02am on February 24, 2010, Rev.James Durden said…
Hi Cathy,I'm happy that the mind you have is very active but please don't let the physical world break you down as your life consists of so much more than allowing a 38 end it all as I'm sure your husband would never want you to do that.Life can deal us some tough blows but know that just around the corner is the next day and if you follow life one day at a time and one heart-ache at a time you'll see that God has an answer at the break of day ,that answer is what a wonderful person your husband had too be for you not want too go on without him but his answer is for your heart to calm dowm and know that love can live on without us being miserable everyday it takes time for your heart too accept the loss that you've encountered and that is a day to day process and time will process this for you in a more clearer state of mind but in all you do please don't keep talking to that 38 or you'll convince yourself that you're right.No pain is good at anytime but pain can teach us some of the greatest lessons and when thay reveal themselves we're shocked as too how lond we've survived .Your heart is heavy now but think how much the hearts of others that you think don't care will be if thay had too bear the burden of losing you too,many times we feel we're all alone but you're not there are many people that are there but not as you may wish them too be but love is all around you for you have your mom not only too care for but who cares for you so please lock thatt thing up and live life one day at a time as I know there are many more hat have had these thoughts and for some strange reason the "Angel" of mercy has bailed us out .We're here too hear your call so don't think no one's listening just cry out someone will answer. Please be at peace and the God of mercy will help you thru this most heart-wrenching time,Love and peace too you !!!Rev.J.Durden
At 7:00am on February 23, 2010, Jonnell said…
and i dont know if you beleive in after life but there are a ton of really good books that really helped me and still do. if you are interested i will give you the titles, some religious and some not, i personally am of no religion, i beleive and pray and speek to god and i recently started attending a christian church that i love but i am very spritual and do beleive in life after this. it really helps to know where our babies are.
At 6:55am on February 23, 2010, Jonnell said…
your pain hurts me,but please just remember you are not alone. but as i read how much you have been thru in the past few years i feel for you. i was well still am going thru a divorce before my son Philip 13, passed in a car accident sept 5, 2009. my husband moved out in june, i also lost my job in june and then Philip passed in september, and i thought i should be locked away in a mental hospital ha ha, you are strong and have a strong soul and god knows it. Philip is my heart, i also have a 4 year old daughter that i love to pieces but Philip was my baby, i had him when i was 18 and a partier i always felt like he truelly saved my life the day he was born, i always told him i dont know where i would be without him. His sister emily misses him so much that makes it even harder. But here is the bright side it has only been 5 months and i just got back to work, but i do smile and laugh, my heart always feels like a brick in my chest and Philip is always in a spot in my mind but when i get scared or sad or it really hits me that omg this is real i remember that Philip along with your son are just away, they are having the time of their spiritual lives, seeing the world, no pain, no heartache, nothing but good and happiness. they just wait for us, they watch over us and love us unconditionally but when they see us crying they dont understand why cause they dont know pain and they dont remember whats its like to cry. only us human bodies have to suffer cause we miss them so much, i hope you beleive you will see your son again one day, thats all i think i cant wait to see my Philip. it is going to be longer then i want, it already has been but it makes me smile when i think of him being so happy and loved and protected away from this awful earth where there is so much peer pressure and pain. I hope you gain strength and can smile one day, and maybe just maybe one day we will all wake up with a heart that isnt so heavy.
god Bless
At 10:02am on February 21, 2010, Lynita Gebhardt said…
Hello, Cathy,

I was reading messages and your struck me because of the similarity to my sons passing. He was 31 years old and died March 2, 2009. As I approach the end of the first year without him, I find the pain is getting worse. I find it easy to have nothing to do with others who feel I should have "snapped out of it" by now. I would just like a bit of a break with the pain. I also don't know how to help my children who remain heartbroken. I sometimes don't realize they are in as much ain as I am and I don't know how to help. Maybe communicating with others in this group with help.
At 3:59pm on February 19, 2010, Jenny Ruselowski said…
it is very hard i too hope we can get through this. sometimes i think about how it would be if i joined my son. then i think i cant do that to my other kids. they need me. they are the only reason i am still here. my other kids are Sammy 18 and Kyle 8.
At 8:05am on February 19, 2010, S A said…
I'm sad for you Cathy, as I also lost my son to alcohol. Doesn't make it any easier, the pain is still overpowering at times. I hasn't been quite a year for me yet, and already people are thinking I should be "over it". That'll never happen, but I do hope to be able to call upon my memory of him someday and smile thinking about the good things and not having it hurt so much. My best to you. Try to take care of yourself and just take it minute by minute for now..
At 4:05pm on February 18, 2010, Jenny Ruselowski said…
I also lost my husband 2 years ago to colon cancer. My son passed on dec 19, 2009. we are not sure of why he passed yet but one of the thoughts is drugs. i totally understand where you are coming from about wanting to harden your heart so that it does not hurt when someone passes. the year i lost my husband i also lost my aunt and my best friends my (my second mom) passed just 4 months before my husband. I lost many people that year and I thought i was through the hard times. now i think that year of loosing all those people was nothing compared to the pain i am in now from loosing my son. sometimes i just curl up in a ball and cry. i sleep with my sons teddy bear every night. he was only 17 he had his issues but he was a good person. the dead man walking is very true i feel as though when people look at me they think why doesnt she smile. well they have no idea what has happend to me over the last two years. then i realize i have no idea what has happend in there lives either. as they say never judge a book by its cover. just because someone looks happy does not mean they are. I hope we can all get to a point where we can deal with life again and maybe even smile sometimes. I know i will never be truley happy again but i atleast hope to smile again someday.
At 12:13pm on February 18, 2010, Tammy Egberts said…
cathy, we all share in your sorrow, and your right i too wish that wwe didn't have to be on legacy, but it does help with the pain sometimes..we all know how you are feeling even though we all grieve in our own way, the pain is the same...i lost my son last august, 2009 he was 24 yrs old, and tomorrow will be 6 months, but the pain, and emptiness are the same as the day i lost him...please continue to talk to us here because we care about you...take care, and bless you...tammy E

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