As I pray every night for His help for Bernie, I feel strongly that I have now handed him over to God's loving care, and that of His Blessed Mother.
When I speak to Them I beg for a warm, little corner of the heavenly palace. I try to replace the image of him in hospital, sick and leaving this earth, with a vision of him sitting in a modest little spot by the back door of this large white palace, dressed all in white like all the other spirits moving around. He is looking up, out of his depth, awed by the circumstances, but safe and secure, healthy and handsome. In my mind's eye, and my heart's eye, this is where he is. I no longer have panic moments about phoning Heaven's switchboard, asking someone, anyone, if Bernie is okay. That is where he is.
This has given me the peace I need to carry on carrying on, to smile, to look after his dogs, the house and the garden. Thank you for the strength, courage and peace, Lord, the same that I wish for all damaged parents. And when I cry, as us guys shouldn't do, I try to only have pleasant memories in my mind.
Yes Miss Bera it is. ..the shock has now worn off...(and the sedatives they had me on for the funeral and the weeks following...now I just feel like a robot...I eat..I sleep(which is a blessing, because at first I couldn't.I would wake shaking and feeling like I could not breathe.OR I would wake up and JUST FOR A MINUTE he was still alive...then I would remember.It is even harder not knowing if he took his own life , as they would have us believe, or if he was murdered, as we have been told by supposed witnesses. I wish I could have faith in the state police that are supposed to be IMPARTIAL and investigating the sheriff's dept. Butafter talking to the investigator it was very clear by even his TONE that he was not only not going to be any type advocate for my brother , but that he was more than likely an adversary of my brother and our family. It has been 2 1/2 months. The coroners report is still pending. The state has finished their investigation but will not release it (to the papers, not to US..we have to go though the additional pain in the butt of having to send off the written request and that will take ANOTHER months or more. Personally, I think they are lying and hiding something and have thought it before the man came to my mothers to tell her two men strangled my brother with a pair of pants. Ther is no way ,if that happened , that law enforcement couldn't be aware of it. Either way, he died of neglect plain and simple , while in their care.Itmakes me sick and sad that we have to question the integrity of people who are to be held to a higher standard because of the position they hold with the public trust. I hope I am wron because .I am tired of people doing the wrong thing.I want my brother back..but that is not going to happen..so I want justice for him and THE TRUTH.He deserves that.
Thanks Berna for being a friend. "Friendship is essential to the soul" is our motto,the Omega Psi Phi fratenity. I am graduate of Tuskegee University with a BS in Electrical Engineering; I Iike Spiritual Stuff-Chants,mantra, decrees,meditation, Yoga, etc,.... and more; and working with computers and electronics is my avid interest and profession. Electronics, Computers and Gadgets are all relalated to Spiritual Stuff because the circuits used to build the devices are controlling the electrons in the electricity used to power them. In a similar way chants, mantras,and decress allow us to control the electrons in us to manifest vibrant health, abundance and prosperity, and so much more...... Enough of this spiritual and techical stuff. I just wanted to give you an ideas about me. Thank you for friendship......ralph
Berna, I thought I'd respond to your post that you left. The reason is because people get notification when someone post something.
I was thinking of you today because I was at my mother's house cleaning it. I'm having lots of people come in to gut the kitchen and the bathroom, paint, do the wood floors, put up new doors, garage door and build new steps in front and back. I didn't have to do any cleaning but I just had to do it. I also have been taking many things that I can't part with and some will be donated to the Veterans. I sat down in a rocker and was crying my eyes out. I thought of our conversation and then my husband walked in the room. I didn't want him there intruding on my getting some release of my pent up pain. This was the house we moved into right after I bought my first new car and got married from to my first husband (he was my son Joe's biological father and he passed just a couple months after my son) First father passed then about 5 years later my younger and only brother and then 5 years later my only child Joe passed and less than 3 years later in November 2012 my mother passed. Lots of memories and just so overwhelming to deal with today. Indeed, there is more but I just want you to know I can feel you. I have no one in my immediate family to love that I can physically see.
How wonderful it is that you have a daughter that has a baby for you to hold and love. I wish I had that but I have nothing but some photos and some memories.
I will pray for you to be happy with your new grand baby to hold, love and cherish.
Sorry for ur loss Berna I lost my beloved son Jesse on 7/12/09 and I still miss him everyday but you can come on this site there's always someone here God bless you just one day at a time Hugs to you Alicia Jesses Mom