Barbara, I think we will be good for each other, an odd number can brake a tie, incase we need to get over it! My personal e-mail is 2011japr@gmail.com. Ellen is such an inspiration to me and I am SO glad she has you to lean on.  I look forward hearing from you.

Hugs Jane

Thank you for adding me as a friend. Ellen spoke so highly of you and it seems we all have too much in common.  I look forward communicating with you. Hugs, Jane

Hi Barbara,

I haven't been on this website is quite awhile. The holidays are near again and I'm reaching out. My spouse (Ray) died 3-22-2010. We were married 34 yrs. we have two children, a son 35, and a daughter 27. What caught my eye about you was that your from Wonder Lake, IL. I have a stepson that lives in Wonder Lake. His name is Rudy Herrera and he lives there with his friend Sharon. Anyway, I always like to talk with people that live in Illinois, I'm originally from Chicago but married my husband and we moved to Texas in 1981. Anyway, I haven't been able to read your story of your loss. Did you lose a spouse also? This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. I miss my Ray so much! They say it gets better with time, I don't know about that. These holidays are tearing me apart. I had a wonderful marriage and a great husband. Don't get me wrong, we had our spats now and then but I can say our marriage was mostly wonderful. Ray was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis on 2005. It's a terminal lung disease very similar to black lung disease. We don't know how he contacted it but there is no cure or medication to help patients with this illness. He had gone on oxygen almost immediately. It was a rough disease seeing your loved one who just deteriorated into a frail person. He was a very strong man, hardly ever sick in his life and then he got this horrid illness. What really hurts was to see this man have such a sharp mind, even till the end, but his body just weakened day by day. Since Ray's passing, my health has also deteriorated. I thank God that he let all this happen after Ray died so I was able to take care of him to the end. Anyway Barbara, I would like to chat with you and see how your handling your grief. My mind so wants to do things but my body won't and I so want to just be with my Ray. I have grown children and grand children but I just can't find a purpose in life anymore. I keep praying and asking God what does he want me to do to have a different outlook on my life. So many people just pick up the pieces and go on with their life, I can't get that feeling. Would you be so kind to share your experience with me? I would appreciate talking with someone who is going through the same thing that I am. I hope to hear from you and that I didn't come across to you as a nut case. You know, it's always nicer to talk to people from area's where you once lived or live where you know someone who lives close to them. Well dear, again, I hope to hear from you. 

God bless,

Pat Herrera

Bryan, TX

pattycake11@msn.com

Dear Barbara,

Thanks so much for sharing. I am facing my husband's birthday soon also and I'm scared! That's crazy, but that's how I feel. I don't want to go there. How can I face that day without him? By you sharing your experience, I now feel less anxiety about it. I can take cues from you to help me get through it. Larry would be 39 yrs. old on April 15. I gave him a surprise party in 2009 which was his very first birthday party ever! He loved it. I am so thankful to have done that for him. He was the easiest person in the world to please, & nobody deserved the best in life more than he! He is so precious to me. I don't know how much longer I can get by without him it hurts so bad. I know you know this feeling all to well. God bless you & thanks again for your post.

HUGS, Christy

Barbara, I'm so sorry you had to let your husbands truck go back. I know that had to be hard. Every so often I just go and sit in Neal's truck just to smell his smell. But his smell is fading out of his truck and that makes me sad. I have not gone through any of Neal's stuff either. I don't want to nor do I think I could now. I can not believe it has already been 5 months. It seem like it was just yesterday that Neal passed away. People tell me to just give it time. I am so tired of hearing that phrase. I miss him so much. I love my 2 sons and my 3 grandsons dearly, but I just can't see myself ever being ever really happy again with Neal here with me. He was, is and will always be the love of my life. Hugs to you. Linda

Hi back, yes February has/is hard for me...so many things happened in February last year.  Of course try not to carry them with me, but it is difficult.  I really can't wait for February to be over.  I am with you Barb, I so miss Jack, it hurts doesn't it?  Little everyday things that one took for granted and we don't have any more.  Just the laughs, the love, the hugs, the conversations, even the disagreements...they were all wonderful.

I think the one big thing, and I sense an underlying message in so many stories, is the loss of identity, and where do we fit now?  I feel quite "out of place", even around my kids.  Funny feeling really.  We were all out, two young couples, so they had their arms around each other.  How can one not feel jealous of that?  Makes it kind of hard to enjoy yourself.

How old are your children?  My girls are grown up, although their dad always treated them like little ones. 

Well it's been quite the long day, so (I am a tea drinker) I will go and relax for a bit.  

Hang in there and have some good days too....:)  Hugs,

Carol

Hi Barb, just wanted to see how you are doing these past days?  Today here it is wonderful and sunny, however then I just think of my husband who loved the sun, and so I am determined that "we" will enjoy the day today, in his honor because I know he would!

I see you mentioning Nascar...so funny.  My best friend and her husband are down in Ft. Lauderdale watching the race today.  I always went in her husband's Nascar race pool although I don't know a thing about racing! 

My Jack loved cars, but mostly BMW's and 2 months before he passed away we got a BMW convertible.  He loved that car so much but barely had a chance to enjoy it.   Now my daughter drives it mostly. 

I want you to know I think about you, and today I hope you are doing a bit better....:)  Hugs.  Carol

Hi Barbara,

Hope you're surviving the cold.  The piles of snow everywhere make going out such a logistical nightmare for me.  Coupled with the grief, it's all had my mood pretty dark.  I started a new grief group last night, but... everyone was a lot older than I, married for 50 or more years... no one in my situation exactly.  Well, maybe it will work out.  I'm trying to view it as a chance to get out, talk with others, and get more involved with this organization's ongoing drop-in support (you have to attend a formal group first).  Still, I can't say I wasn't disappointed; I felt like I was in a group with my parent's friends.  Know what I mean?

I'm looking forward to the predicted thaw next week.  Any improvement in the weather will help my mood.  And then perhaps we can start thinking about meeting for lunch one day.  Hope you're doing well and hanging in there.  Take care.

Hi Barbara.  Hope things are going better for you.  I had another crying day yesterday.  It seems like something always triggers it.  Usually an episode on tv.  It's not very helpful watching House. 

The hospice has left messages on my phones checking on me.  I'm thinking about checking into grief couseling or meetings.  I do ok at work, but on my days off it is the worst if I don't leave the house. 

Yesterday was sad because Dale always loved to watch the Superbowl.  And his family would come over to watch it on the big screen tv.  I ended up watching it alone.  Just another reminder that my life is changed forever.  He always made things fun. 

Now Valentine's Day is coming up.  I plan on going to the cemetery and leave some flowers.  And on my vacation in 2 weeks I plan on ordering his tombstone.  Doesn't seem right there's no permanent reminder that he was here and loved by many. 

Hi Barb, this loss is not easy at all, and to "reinvent" ourselves, well, I would rather not!  I am finding a lot of comfort in reading, do you like to read?  I don't mean novels but more spiritual kinds of books.  I learn things from them that bring me closer to my husband.  I would love to share if you'd like.  I posted a link on here too about a web site, for reading.  Some thoughts from a different perspective which I found comforting too.

I also attend counselling, and write in a journal.  I think we have to learn to 'live in the moment' only, because to have any further expectations would be more than we could bear.  Treasure your love, your memories Barb, and take strength from that and know you are always being loved, just from a bit further away now......but still being loved always!

Hugs,

Carol

Hi Barb, this loss is not easy at all, and to "reinvent" ourselves, well, I would rather not!  I am finding a lot of comfort in reading, do you like to read?  I don't mean novels but more spiritual kinds of books.  I learn things from them that bring me closer to my husband.  I would love to share if you'd like.  I posted a link on here too about a web site, for reading.  Some thoughts from a different perspective which I found comforting too.

I also attend counselling, and write in a journal.  I think we have to learn to 'live in the moment' only, because to have any further expectations would be more than we could bear.  Treasure your love, your memories Barb, and take strength from that and know you are always being loved, just from a bit further away now......but still being loved always!

Hugs,

Carol

 Hi, She was always full of life,truly my better half. I still wonder if the treatments made it worse.  I do remember the first time  at  the chemo center,when we were leaving,a man in a wheelchair was telling his son after the treatment, he would be crashing for the next few days,It is a viscious cycle.Maybe we should have stoped before it started, but at first the Drs. make you feel they are sure the treatment is going to have positive results.

Then when it doesnt work they seem to wash their hands of the matter. Sorry if I sound bitter,but this is how I feel.God bless us all,Jerry.