Jeff iam also so sorry for your loss too. Your son is very handsom, yes iam blessed that my son became a great young man i never thought of him as a young man i always consider him as my baby boy he was 6' 2" and weighed about 275lbs yes he was a big boy he played football in college he had a football scholorship he was trying out for the NFL he was going to make it. Iam only 5feet i always looked up to my little boy he is my first born i still have one more son left Michael he is 18 i know i have to be strong for him i know it isn't a merry christmas for every one so i won't say it. We are sapose to go to my in laws house but we are not going my son is but i just don't to go so i can hear get over it, it has been 2yrs now i rather just spend it hear with me and my husband and Michael when comes back from my in laws iam going to go and see Daniel at the cemetary iam going to make a cake for Daniel so he knows that we are still thinking about him and let him know to enjoy it up there and iam going to light a candle for him and say a prayer i always do. I just want to start my own new tradition for Daniel i didn't think about it before i was still in denial this group is very helpful for me i have to be on here every day i guess it is like an addicition to me when i come home from work i cook spend time with my husband and Michael take a shower get on my lap top and talk on here it helps me get some of my stress and missing my son out. Hope we can become friends Lisa Daniel's mom
I am really sorry. And this is a really tough time with that short of a time frame and the holidays. I really go through the motions on the holidays and its been two years. Aneurysms are alot of times unnoticed. My mother died from an abdominal aneurysm while driving her car. I am really sorry for you. I was numb for along time so you are doing alot better then I did. Trish
Thanks ffor the comments. I went to the candleighting service here in Pinellas County for Compassionate Friends, it was nice but so sad because all those folks at that place, a civic center had lost kids!! You just loss your son? Thats so hard. It has been two years for me, Christmas is hard for me I have three other kids, but they will never be Ryan he was different, my protector!! Yes, I am blessed to have other children, I know of people in my group that lost their only child. There future ended there. I hope your Christmas can be blessed in some way, your other child. Take care Trish
Sorry to know about the loss of your son Ryan. I know another couple in our support group (Compassionate Friends) who lost their son under similar circumstances at the same age your son was.
No matter which way any of our children died and who they left behind or not, it is all unfair.
Do you have an email address? I wanted to send you one message that I don't want to say on this site.
For me, after losing my only child, my son Liam very suddenly, I thought I was over the shock (as you say you are). But later I realized I was in shock for over a year. The 2nd year was harder than the 1st year for me. I kept telling myself I had to go on, for the alternative is never a good one.
I hope all of us and especially those who say they are not going to make it - do make it. I think each of us has great potential to help others and whatever each person says may contribute in ways they never realize - to help someone else. And that purpose is itself such a good thing - to be of some comfort to someone else who has lost a child.
Thanks for the support on this website. Losing a child is tough on all of us moms, dads brothers and sisters. But it does help when you reach the point when you and your surviving kids can talk and laugh about the one not here. I can do that with two of thenm kids one just won't talk about him!! For me, like alot of women, talking about our kids still keeps him here with us. I never want to not talk about him or mention his name!!
Hi Jeff no you are not alone. It is a very sad place to be though. Our children are our lives and this takes our lives and shatters them. that is the word we came up with that best describes. it. It is very sad and everyother thought is about my beautiful child. who left me here without his being. I hope you have an ok holiday as i wil try to also. I am lost. I let him be free and live life the way he wanted to. I could have done so much more. went to the beach last fall with my other son and saw all the memorials on the beach at ocean city. i could have done that.. i did not I have so many regrets. and my mind wants to fix it so bad.. but my heart know s it is not fixable so i go round and round with myself. yep we share this pain... i am sorry for us both and all the parents of all these beautiful children carrie L
Jeff you are a welcome participant it is mostly moms on here and i know they know how i feel dads are very special also. we are so lucky to live in such a country where our kids are super free.. i remember that about my son he was super free super alive super verbal super cool I know your son was also. carrie L
I do not know you Jeff Justus but I understand every word you say and do not say. I did the same thing with stockings and now I cannot even get them out. Little things even hurt so badly. I will be glad when the day and days of this month have passed.
I am so sorry so very sorry about the loss of your precious son.
God bless you and yours, Jeff, during this horrible time. And that's what it is. It's like a hole in your heart that can't heal, and there's nothing I can say to help it, really. Sometimes I try to concentrate on the pleasant memories, the wonderful times I shard with my lost one, and try to think what he would tell me. I know he must have been a wonderful young man.
Terri and Jeanne, I'm looking forward to just being in the sun. The funny thing is that before this tragic event we had talked of the possibilty of driving down to Florida if Ryan was able to get the time off. We had planned on the possibilty of leaving this past Friday morning. Of course, these plans were in October and early November. Oh, how we all know life changes on a twist of fate.
I hope going out of town will help with the pain, my doctor told me to stat new traditions and this seems like what you are doing, we are going over to my daughers house we aren't even eating chritmas dinner just breakfast, its just to much for my house especially for my kids with them losing my father aug 8th and then their brother nov 19th they don't even like to come over anymore its just to many memories for them. Hope you have a good holiday or at least as good as any of us can have right now.
I lost my son November 19th but really its been 4 weeks today the holidays are really getting to me I seemed to been doing a little better than started writing down everything we got the other children we always make sure the totals are almost exact our family is a his mine and ours situation our son was my husband and mine only child together, everyone says after the holidays it will get better I don't see how but for all of our sakes i hope they are correct.
I am keeping you in my prayers along with everyone else in this group I know some of ya r unsure at God right now i know im highly mad at him for taking a 17 year old senior but its all i have left believing one day i can see and be with my baby once again
Your son is so handsome. I can't post a picture of Tyler here because I still can't look at them with any regularity. I actually had been feeling SLIGHTLY better for about a week and then today it all came back to me while I sat at my desk. I remember being where you are now - it is a truly horrible place. It will take so long to process what has happened. Longer than anyone can imagine. I feel that after 11 months I have moved from where you are now to a slightly different place. Not a less painful place, but a different place. The horror and disbelief have subsided. I used to feel that I was walking in a parallel universe - people were all around me but I felt like I was not there. It's hard to explain. It was like they were all going about their lives and I was doing every thing I could to just hold on. Every time I get to the end of a day I am amazed that I was able to do it.
I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, as I do with everyone who has reached out on this site. JoAnn
Jeff - I lost my 24 yr old son Tyler on 01/26/10. He was my only child. The pain is overwhelming, you don't see how you can survive. You go from minute to minute in a fog for many months. Then the fog starts to lift, but you still can't believe what has happened. You can go along fine & withing SECONDS something will trigger all your grief & sorrow & you dissolve. I still can't look at any of his pix, and they are all around the house & my office. I divert my eyes when I go by! Not easy when they are in the bedroom & living room. But if I were to focus on them I know I would collapse. I only hope that some day I can look back at the 24 wonderful yrs we had w/ him & remember those moments w/ joy. Can't do that right now - they only cause pain. Other than that, I don't expect much more in my life. Now I can go hour to hour sometimes, every day I am still living is a victory. God bless you & your family & most especially, Ryan.
Oh how i hate those word you are such a strong person I admire you so much at my cousins wedding where my son was to be bestman i got that from so many people what were they expecting me to scream and cry I was doing that inside but out of love for my family you keep that inside you until you are alone, my husband was the one that said we have to leave he just couldn't take all the happiness knowing we would never know that with our son
Hello I am so sorry we are here. I read what cathy said below and those other words are painful. everything anyone has to say is painful. i don't know I haven't been to church but like church like to sing like to hear the prayers. i think i am religious. but got a different idea about it after death hit so close to my heart . my whole life stinks. because of death where does one pick up. you cannot.. it is forever changed a changed world. so sorry we are crying and sad. but i believe we will be forever.. yes we get a smile or laugh in at times. but everything reminds us of what we have no more. our life lived in our beautiful children... love and kindness to you carrie L
Jeffrey...Yes...So many people will tell you "I can only imagine how you feel" I used to be one of them..but nowadays I tell them to take the absolute worst they could possibly imagine, and multiply it by a million..then they might be able to understand. I don't say it to be mean..I say it because I want them to understand why I don't talk to them much about my inner most feelings...why I would prefer to come to this website and share with everyone here how I feel....I want to talk about it with people that understand. I get that here. I hope you will too....Another thing that is going to just make you cringe when you hear it is "you are so strong" and "you are doing so good..." I started telling people "I am not strong..I don't have a choice!" as far as the I am doing so good part...no one knows how I am in the privacy of my own home...they see what I show them and nothing else...try to keep that in mind when you have heard it so many times that you are ready to snap at the next person that says it...cause I am pretty sure it will happen eventually. Parents are strong....we do what has to be done...you can do it. It will be harder than anything you have ever had to do, but you will survive...
Jeffrey, I am sorry for your loss....don't you just hate those words? Even though I don't like the words...really how else is one supposed to reply to a parent who has lost a child? Losing your son is so new for you. I can still remember how I felt, what I did, who I was mad at, and all the details that had to be attended to when I lost my only child Jacob on 3/11/07...It was after the arrangements had been made that I get foggy for a little bit. I am thinking you are at that point now.....where everything that had to be done is taken care of, the service or burial is done, and now you are left to just miss your son. It may feel lonely, and like you are alone, you may be angry..at doctors or god or even your son....just know that you are not alone, that we all feel, or have felt what you are going through. Please come here often, and write what is on your mind....or read what others are feeling...whatever you are good with...for some reason it helps...even though there are over 700 parents that are grieving for a lost child, and some of the stories are just heartwrenching, it does help. There is no judgement here...only support.