Sharon Ankrum's Comments

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At 11:50pm on February 15, 2011, Susan Mayer said…

Valentine's Day hit me harder than I expected as well.  Steve and I decided to get married on Valentine's Day; perhaps that explains it.  I miss him terribly, and expect I always will, although I hope the pain gets easier.

Thanks for your note.  It is hard to keep in touch, and this site is all grief-all the time.  There's a bereaved spouses page on Facebook.  Just type "bereaved spouses" in the search box, and you'll find it.  Only about 45 members, and some of them are on Legacy, but at least folks talk about things other than grief.  They talk about that, too, of course, but it's a bit lighter in tone overall.  Are you on Facebook or would you consider joining?  If you do, I'll "friend" you.

I have decided not to put my house on the market just yet.  I'm not ready for another "loss," and my house is a comfort.   At such time as I move elsewhere, I'll know I've really left my old life with Steve behind, and I'm not ready for that.  So, I'll consult a realtor about what needs to be done before showing it and take my time.  And hope my work holds out... don't get me started on all those anxieties.

Keep in touch.  We live so close, we should consider lunch or something one day after the snow is gone.  Would you like that?

At 6:08pm on December 30, 2010, Susan Mayer said…

Hi Sharon - How are you doing?  I hope you're surviving the holiday season well enough.  I went to DC to see my younger stepson, his wife, and my 2-year old granddaughter.  It was hard traveling without Steve, but I made it, and I'm glad I went. 

 

As for the new year, It's hard, moving into a year that our husbands won't share, isn't it?  It feels like I'm leaving Steve behind somehow, but perhaps that's the way it needs to be.  Can't say I like it much, though.  I hope 2011 brings us both some peace and comfort.  Hugs - Susan

At 10:50pm on November 29, 2010, Susan Mayer said…
Thanks for your notes, Sharon. We aren't far apart geographically; I live in Chicago. My grandparents lived in Oak Park when I was a kid, on Washington Blvd. near Austin, right across from St. Catherine of Sienna.

I don't have children of my own, but Steve's three children - a daughter and two sons - and I have good relationship. My stepdaughter and her partner are in eastern Michigan. Both stepsons are on the east coast. The younger is married, and he and his wife and my 2-year old granddaughter are in the DC area. I travel to DC periodically on business (I'm a consultant), so that gives me extra chances to see them. I take it you are not working - or were you thinking you'd look for something after you move? Tell me a bit more about yourself.

I certainly can understand your wanting to be closer to your sons now. Most of my friends and family are in this area, so I probably will stay in Chicago, but am thinking I'll put my house on the market in the spring. It's too much for me to handle physically - I have a disability that limits mobility - and I'd like to be somewhere where I just don't have to worry about the yard, the basement, the attic, the snow, etc.. Perhaps I'll buy a condo in an elevator building with indoor parking. Still, Steve and I bought this house together and were married here, so it will be hard to leave it.

The suddenness of Steve's death ... well, I'd say it took a couple of months before I could even begin to grapple with that, before the shock and numbness began to wear off. It's wearing off now, and the pain is astoundingly difficult to bear sometimes. But I suspect the pain is difficult whether we've had time to prepare for it or not. The loss is still there, and we cannot help but miss them. I miss Steve terribly.
At 10:13pm on November 22, 2010, Susan Mayer said…
Sharon, these are wonderful photos! I'm so sorry for your loss. Dennis was taken far too soon. I hope you and your son are doing well enough. If you want to vent, cry, whatever, I'm here.
At 5:14am on November 20, 2010, sharon cox said…
Thank you Sharon. Would you beleive that I just got that one developed? I had about 10 rolls of film that had never developed. After he died, I took it and there were so many memories that I'd forgotten about. You have some beautiful pictures of your husband as well. After reading your posts, I think our guys sort of had some things in common. I hope you are doing ok. I'm hanging in there. If you need to talk, I am here for you.
At 5:14am on November 20, 2010, sharon cox said…
Thank you Sharon. Would you beleive that I just got that one developed? I had about 10 rolls of film that had never developed. After he died, I took it and there were so many memories that I'd forgotten about. You have some beautiful pictures of your husband as well. After reading your posts, I think our guys sort of had some things in common. I hope you are doing ok. I'm hanging in there. If you need to talk, I am here for you.
At 10:49pm on November 19, 2010, Barbara Roth said…
Sharon, I like your pictures. I have asked my daughter to help me put some pictures of Jim on my page, hopefully soon. My thoughts are with you. Take care.
At 1:51pm on November 16, 2010, Marsha Thompson said…
Thanks Sharon! I think we all ache for each other here, it helps just to know we're not alone.
At 1:51pm on November 16, 2010, Marsha Thompson said…
Thanks Sharon! I think we all ache for each other here, it helps just to know we're not alone.
At 7:30am on November 16, 2010, Debbie Treadway said…
Sharon, very nice pictures. I see he liked to fish. My Waymon loved to fish. Just wish he could have fished some in the last year of his life but he just couldn't get in and out of the boat. I am trying very hard to have a positive outlook on life for I know that he would not want me to be sad forever. I have to say that crying helps more than anything. Sometimes the tears come with no warning and I have learned to just let it happen. Afterwards I feel some peace until the next time. I know the holidays will be hard for all of us so I am praying for God to give each of us the strength we need to make it through them. Always know that we are all here to listen when you need to vent. This is a great place filled with great people that do undersand what each of us are going through. Hug
At 11:45am on November 15, 2010, Charlene Ozawa said…
Thank you Sharon for the article. I do feel better after crying I am just tired of crying and the constant pain. I love your pictures of Dennis. I can't figure out how to put Michael in my page. I think I will have one of my children help me. Hugs to you.
At 9:36pm on November 14, 2010, Ellen Brant said…
Sharon, THANK YOU so much for sharing the story of your beloved remarkable husband,Denny. My heart bleeds with such sadness for you . Life's pains aren't fair. I must say I am grateful you are here. I too am not sure how to get beyond the moment sometimes. This site has such support, thank you for being apart of the support. HUGS.
At 9:36pm on November 14, 2010, Ellen Brant said…
Sharon, THANK YOU so much for sharing the story of your beloved remarkable husband,Denny. My heart bleeds with such sadness for you . Life's pains aren't fair. I must say I am grateful you are here. I too am not sure how to get beyond the moment sometimes. This site has such support, thank you for being apart of the support. HUGS.
At 8:17pm on November 14, 2010, Sharon Ankrum said…
DENNIS RUSSELL ANKRUM

June 5, 1947 – September 9, 2010

My remarkable husband died peacefully, at home, with his son and myself at his side, on September 9 at about 3 in the afternoon. He was Denny until the end: correcting Carl's grammar and wanting things his way, yet knowing and providing what his wife and son needed. He will be dearly missed, yet he'll always be with us.

We had talked a few months ago (and a few months before that, as well) about memorials, after he’d decided that “nobody would show up at my funeral anyway” was probably not true. He agreed to the garden at the Zen Community, but requested no religious services (even though Denny was probably the kindest, most compassionate, most giving man I’ve ever known—and deeply spiritual while denying every second of it).

I’d like for friends and family to join his son Carl, his sisters Mary, Peggy, Patty, and Janet and his brother Tommy at the Zen Community garden on October 17 from 10 in the morning until 2 in the afternoon.

My sons, their wives and children will be here from Texas and Colorado. Let’s make it potluck, so that none of us overdoes it. I’ll hopefully make some of my spanakopita, and I’ll bring a bottle of the single malt scotch Denny adored.

Carl has some audio recordings of Denny playing and singing; I think his friend Tim does, as well. We’ll play those, but we mostly want you to play your instruments and sing the songs Denny loved so (real country: from Bob Wills to Townes Van Zandt and Guy Clark, Steve Earle, with a little Union thrown in (Hazel Dickens’ “Coal Miner’s Grave,” for instance).

I’ve requested a few songs from his talented and musical sister Patty. I’d love it if Joshin played some Jethro Burns.
Love, Sharon
At 7:57am on November 14, 2010, sharon cox said…
Hi Sharon, I had to get my 12 year old to show me how to put a picture on my page, so don't feel bad. I don't know very much about computers. I see your husband played guitar, so did mine. He was teaching my oldest daughter how to play before he passed. She is really getting good at it too. I love hearing her play. Thank you for inviting me to be your friend.
At 10:27pm on November 13, 2010, Susan Mayer said…
Hi Sharon - I'm so sorry for your loss. Sounds like we lost our husbands around the same time; it'll be 10 weeks for me tomorrow. Steve went suddenly: Riding his bike, he was struck by a car and killed instantly. I lost my mom to colon cancer, so I know what that battle is like - pretty rough.

I'm glad I found this site; it helps me to share with people who are going through the same thing. I hope it helps you, too.

Hugs,
Susan
At 9:11pm on November 13, 2010, Kathy King Kates said…
I see you found out how to put your loved ones picture on your profile. Nice looking gentleman.. Bet that guitar was a love of his..
At 4:27pm on November 13, 2010, Ellen Brant said…
Thanks Sharon for inviting me to be your friend. HUGS.
At 4:27pm on November 13, 2010, Ellen Brant said…
Thanks Sharon for inviting me to be your friend. HUGS.
At 4:14pm on November 13, 2010, Ellen Brant said…
Sharon welcome. I am so glad you are able to share and so sorry for your precious loss. I lost my dear husband Doug, just 6 weeks ago and am struggling emotionally. HUGS

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