Hi David, I’m a brand new member and I just wanted to thank you for reaching out to me. I sure appreciate your kindness. My Rick transitioned almost 3 months ago. I’m trying to find the room in my soul to tuck the pain in... I know it never completely goes away. It’s quite a tearful adjustment. I am soooooo sorry you’ve had to go through this too. All my best, David.
The dating question is a tough one. For any of us who've been in successful relationships, it's one of the things we probably didn't miss (!). There's no good answer - we're all rusty at it. I can honestly say I completely screwed up a few dates that had serious long-term potential, but perhaps that's how it's supposed to work. I found it was important to understand you can't just go out and find what you had before. Nor can you look too hard (but you can't just stay home either). Bigger picture is doing things that are important to you - and those might be things your other half didn't want to do or didn't care about. Each step is part of the journey.
Yes, the 4 years was surprising to me; at first, it seemed every day was a struggle. Here's the benefit to this site - anonymity and a shared experience. It takes longer to heal than your friends expect - they will try to listen but it doesn't work. With this site, you can rail, you can post, you can share, and everybody's got a similar experience and as hard as it might be to imagine, there's always a worse story out there than yours or mine. Some folks will have helpful comments; some might not seem helpful, but that's OK too - it will get you thinking. It's a dark place where you're at, at first. What you have to do, and it's so hard because a relationship works when both people sacrifice a bit of themselves for the greater good, is to become self-centered. In other words, you have to take your life back over. I was lucky - we had two homes (a city place and a country place, which was my house before we met) - so I could leave one and retreat into the other. But many of the decisions we'd made in this house, I redid. Where I acquiesced, I now reinforced my own view. I had to make the house mine again. Yes, there are touches, memories, shared experiences; but rather than a shell of what I once had, it's a house of many and layered experiences. Life is very much like a book: it's chapters, some longer than others, about the different periods in our life. It only moves in one direction, and that is forward. And it will continue long after all of us are gone. So you need to think about what this next chapter will be.
Hi, David. Interesting, as I was just thinking over the past weekend that I've passed the 4-year mark. And it is a journey; at the end we are different but our lives do go on. I did meet someone, I did fall in love again, my life is moving forward. Drew, my late spouse, will always be a part of me, but my new life moves forward in different directions. All I can say is that this is a process; nobody can tell you how long it takes or even what to expect but it does get easier and time is a great healer.