Paulette's Comments

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At 10:50pm on January 20, 2011, Deb said…

Paulette,  Had you on my heart today.  Hope that you and yours were blessed with a happy holiday season.  I know that the holidays are always so very hard . . especially the first ones!!  Please know that you have been in my prayers.   Sorry I haven't written in a while, but have had some medical problems myself.  Am much better now.  My Junior passed away 19 months ago today.  I miss him as much today as I ever have.  Seems that I have more good days than bad now, but today was hard.  I drove to the cemetery; just as I got to his marker a song came on the radio that made me just sob -- You've Made Me So Very Happy by Blood, Sweat, and Tears.  I sat in the car crying, just hoping that I let him know how very happy he made me, and hoping that I made him just a little happy, too!! :)  We always had such a great time together!!  I thank God that He let me experience Junior's love, kindness, the security I felt when we were together (always!!), and most of all to show me how it feels to really love someone and them love you in return!!!  Hope that this finds you well.  Know that you are in my prayers, and please take care of you!  I'm here any time you need to talk. 

Hugs!

Deb

At 10:41pm on October 8, 2010, Deb said…
Paulette, Thank you for writing. Today has been a tough day for me . . like you, I guess the start of a long weekend and Fall and I'm not ready for it!! I miss him so very much; I know he would be getting excited about deer hunting season coming up; and we would be fishing on these beautiful days. He so loved the outdoors. I had not been there when either of my parents passed away; but was at Junior's bedside holding his hand when he passed away. Like you, that haunts me at times. Fortunately, I have some voicemail messages from Junior saved on my cell phone . . . at times, I will play back some of those messages just to hear his soothing voice! He was so precious to me. It is so different going to the grocery store or anywhere without him because we were always together! I agree that it is hard to talk to someone who hasn't experienced the loss of their spouse . . there is not a pain like it!! Both of my parents are deceased, and it is just so very different!! I always thought that I understood how much my Mom missed my Dad . . but now I know differently---I couldn't even begin to imagine how she felt. I hope you have a great weekend. Please write any time - I am here for you friend!! Take care of you. Hugs!! Deb
At 10:54pm on September 12, 2010, Deb said…
Paulette, I hope you don't mind me writing you! Tonight is the first time in a little while that I have been on here. I so agree with you - the nights and weekends are so very long and lonely!! I, too, know that my Junior wanted me to keep on living and take care of myself. I hope that you have a good week ahead, and take care of yourself! My email address is debbier53@hotmail.com. Write any time you'd like and have time!! God bless and keep you in His care!! :)
At 7:45am on July 1, 2010, Paulette said…
haven't been on here in awhile. Trying to keep busy, but nights are so long and weekends are even longer. June 28th marked 6 months since his death. People go on, and they think I should be over grieving by now, but married for 42 years is a long time to just put by the wayside. This is the 4th of July weekend, family is going camping amd I am happy for them.
At 4:07pm on April 17, 2010, Paulette said…
I think of you every day, some days are worst than others. I find the weekends and nighttimes are the worst. We have our 43 wedding anniversary coming up on April 29th. I don't know how I am going to handle that.
At 6:53am on March 12, 2010, Paulette said…
Laurie, things are raw right now, you and you alone have to take each day one step at a time and one day at a time. I was with my husband for 42 years and then he was gone. I found myself like you. Family and friends didn't understand me. I felt so alone. My faith and knowing what my husband would of wanted me to do kept me going. I still find myself crying and looking for him. It is something your going to have to come to terms with in your own way and time.
At 11:50am on March 9, 2010, Paulette said…
Lynn, I read what you had to say. My husband died dec 28,2009. We were married over 42 years. You never get over it, you kind of come to terms with it. I asked myself how I thought he would want me to handle this. My husband was vert methodical , He died within 15 months of being diagnosed with lung cancer, we thought we were going to have longer, the dr told us with treatment his type of cancer he could live up to 5 years. He only made it 15 months. During that time we were inseparable during all of his treatments and tests. He was a planner he planned for me to go on without him, he had an inlaw apartment built for us, so I wouldn't be alone. He bought me all new appliances furnace and furniture. I have a new car, everything was paid for his funeral etc. I knew since he did all this he wanted me to go on without him. Do I miss him everyday, I talk to him like he's still with me about everyday things like what I'm going to do. I didn't venture out of the house at all at first, now I find I am able to go out . I take him with me everywhere, his spirit is still very much alive and for that I am extremely grateful. People might think I'm crazy they see me talking in the car or out walking there's nobody there, but I know he's right besides me every step I take. Everybody handles grief differently this is how I handle mine and so far it's working.
At 9:09pm on February 21, 2010, sheila said…
I guess no matter how long we have with our loved ones we always want more. I guess I feel that in my husbands case it may have been a terrible accident and could we somehow have prevented it by not going in the ocean that day, would he still be here.
If he had been taken by cancer or a heart attack it seems somehow different, less preventable.
I guess it doesn't seem like it was his time.
I imagine that is what car accident victims feel like.
My husband watched his mother pass from pancratic cancer at 64 years old and he hated seeing her in so much pain, knowing she was going to die, that's not easy either.
I thank you for responding, sometimes it feels like no one can know how I feel, but when I found this site, it was really amazing how many people are hurting and missing people in their lives. It now includes me.
I am trying to be supportive of my children, I have 3 sons, 19, 24 and 27. The 27 yr old and his wife just had a baby girl on Feb 19th, so I am now a Grandmother, it was so wonderful to hold her , such a precious new life. My husband was so looking forward to being grandparents, it was bittersweet without him, for my son too.
I can only try to be there for them and my new granddaughter.
I am sure you are happy to have a son and daughter in law and grandchildren.
At 7:05am on February 15, 2010, Paulette said…
first Valentine's day, I made my hubby a valentine and put it on the shelve next to his urn. Wished him a happy valentine's day. I thank God I brought his remains home with me, I find myself talking to him all the time.
At 7:19am on January 8, 2010, kathleen caylor said…
Our dog cried for 2 days,I finally gave the dog benadryll,Just so I could get some sleep!I hear it's going to get better,still waiting for that.It will be 4 months for me on the 13th.Actually I really am doing better.I work 2 days a week and for those 10 hours,I'm o.k.It's when I get off work and pick up the phone to tell him I'm on my way home,then it hits all over again,I don't have anyone to call!And god fobid I listen to my country music!Every song makes me cry!At least you remember you have to eat.When we were making funeral arrangements,I looked at my sister-in-law at3:00pm and said we forgot to eat today!Your brain is mush for awhile.It's like half of it shuts down,trying to keep you safe,but when that wears off the pain became more intense,at least for me.I guess I need a handbook to follow.I don't know what to expect.Hope you get through with your cards,I only did a few,my daughter did the rest.Just remember we did have Joy in our lives,some people never experience that.Good luck today,I hope something makes you smile.Kathy
At 5:56am on January 8, 2010, kathleen caylor said…
How are you doing today??Are you able to sleep?I started reading at bedtime,something I didn't do before.You have been watching your husband waste before your eyes,I'm sure your emotions are all over the place.I felt emotionally bankrupt.The roller coaster of feelings is very draining.I guess I'm pretty lucky,I,ve got my 92 year old mother living with me. I have to stay focused for her sake.I'm forced to prepare meals and do my daily chores.What I once thought was a burden is now a blessing.I hope each day gets easier for you.For I know you miss him terribly.Best wishes,Kathy
At 7:59am on January 7, 2010, kathleen caylor said…
Paulette,I hope you don't mind that I'm writing to you directly,but I feel very comfortable sharing with you.Seems like we share similarities.I read the horror stories about these young people and feel even more depressed and selfish.I know I have alot to be grateful for.These young ones have their whole lives ahead of them.I had to chuckle when you said your husband was the planner.Mine lived by the seat of his pants,I'm the one who kept him grounded.In a way ,it was good he went first,he would never have known where to begin with the financial aspect.How are your children doing?Mine were so shocked,none of us envisioned life without him.Listen,my friends bought me the page on legacy.com that has the guest book.I find now that all the entries have been posted by our friends that I use that as a journal.On our special days or when something strikes me funny,I jot it down on that.that way I can express myself more personally.Then when I'm feeling melancholly,I can read these and it either makes me smile or I cry.No ,I'm not a salesman for legacy.com but maybe a journal of some kind would be useful.Hope you feel better soon.Kathy
At 2:26pm on January 6, 2010, Paulette said…
cooking for one stinks, how do you do it, I know I'm suppose to eat, but it is so different.
At 8:54am on January 4, 2010, Paulette said…
My husband and I were married for 42 years high school sweethearts since age 16. He lost his life on December 28,2009 after a valiant 15 month battle with lung cancer many rounds of chemo and radiation. He died at the Hospice House with my oldest son and his wife by his side. I'm finding it extremly hard in the evenings and sleeping crying every night wondering what he's thinking. I feel very guilty because I wasn't able to keep him home, because his wish was to die at home. I find myself feeling very guilty because I lost control with him at home a couple of times, told him I was sorry. I hope he still loves me.

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