Cindy, you are missed. I so hope you are managing okay.

Hi Cindy - I apologize for not being in touch more; I've been on Facebook more than Legacy lately.

How are you doing?  I'm hanging in there, having just passed 8 months since Steve died and our wedding anniversary last week.  So, the past couple of weeks haven't been such a treat, to say the least.

Have you spoken with Ellen Brant lately?  She went back to the hospital this week for another surgery.  That woman just can't catch a break; these past months have been so difficult for her.

I hope you're doing well enough - that seems to be about all we can expect these days.  Take good care - and hugs,

Susan

I am so sorry I wasn't here to tell you how sorry I am for your suffering. Your dear one died just one day after mine. I had you on my mind but then I ended up spending the whole week before the 25th in Alabama because my dad was dying, then he too died on the 25th so we had the viewing and funeral to get thru and I couldn't get here. So sorry. I hope you are "managing". I had been telling my daughter before this all happened that I had the feeling everyone expected me to suddenly be miraculously OK on the 26th when the year was up but it wouldn't happen. Some say now is harder because more other people really do expect us to BE NORMAL NOW. Whats normal, right.. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hi Cindy, Glad to hear from you again. I made it through Valentines day ok, but February 20th was our 41st wedding anniversary. I told my sons I just could not stay home without their Daddy there. So I left February 15th and flew to Florida to visit my Aunt. I just got home yesterday. I think being away and resting along with the new medicine the doctor has me on did wonders for me. I was so deep in depression I did not want to get out of bed, did not want to get dressed, I did not want to live without Neal. In Florida with my Aunt we talked all day and most of the nites. It was good to have someone to talk to, as at home I am by myself all day long. I also rested alot. Also for the first time since April when Neal was diagnosed, I slept all night. It was so good to get a nights sleep. But Sunday before I came home I started having panic attacks thinking about comming home and Neal being gone. So, yesterday when I got home reality hit me in the face when I got home, Neal is not here. I cried off and on all last night and today.

I too set goals for myself and never follow through. One day maybe I will follow through, but for now I just don't seem to.

Cindy, you and I have in common the fact that we had no time to comprehend what was happening and then we lost our husbands. Although I don't think it would have made any difference if we would have had years to adjust. We will just have to lean on each other and the other people on this site. Hugs, Linda

Hi Cindy,

I know tomorrow will be hard for you, a sad anniversary.  Please know I'll be thinking about you and hoping you find something comforting to do with the day.  It's a milestone for you, even if you're still hurting a lot.  It takes a while, so be patient with yourself.

I also sent you a personal message with Ellen's new phone number, but didn't want to post it publicly. Hope you got it.

Take care - hugs,

Susan

 

HI CINDY I KNOW IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I SPOKEN TO YOU HOW ARE YOU DOING ? I GUESS I AM DOING OK I HAVE MY DAYS I AM SLOWING DOWN AS FAR AS THE BABY SHOWER MY DAUGHTER IN LAW IS DOING ALL THE WORK I JUST WENT TO THE PAPER HERE IN JERSEY CITY TO PUT SOMEHTING IN THE PAPER FOR GEORGES 2ND ANNIVERSITY. I AM HAVING A ANGEL PUT ON  HIS HEADSTONE AFTER THE BABY IS BORN IN MAY.I WAS NOT GOING TO BUT THE BABY IS HIS GRANDCHILD DOES NOT MATTER IF HE IS HERE TO SEE HIM OR NOT. CINDY I HOPE EVERYTHING IS GOING OK WITH YOU. I WILL LET YOU GO NOW AND WILL TALK TO YOU AGAIN I AM GOING TO WRITE SUZANNE I HAVE NOT SPOKEN TO HER EITHER TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

HI CINDY I KNOW IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I SPOKEN TO YOU HOW ARE YOU DOING ? I GUESS I AM DOING OK I HAVE MY DAYS I AM SLOWING DOWN AS FAR AS THE BABY SHOWER MY DAUGHTER IN LAW IS DOING ALL THE WORK I JUST WENT TO THE PAPER HERE IN JERSEY CITY TO PUT SOMEHTING IN THE PAPER FOR GEORGES 2ND ANNIVERSITY. I AM HAVING A ANGEL PUT ON  HIS HEADSTONE AFTER THE BABY IS BORN IN MAY.I WAS NOT GOING TO BUT THE BABY IS HIS GRANDCHILD DOES NOT MATTER IF HE IS HERE TO SEE HIM OR NOT. CINDY I HOPE EVERYTHING IS GOING OK WITH YOU. I WILL LET YOU GO NOW AND WILL TALK TO YOU AGAIN I AM GOING TO WRITE SUZANNE I HAVE NOT SPOKEN TO HER EITHER TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

Hi Cindy - Just wanted to stop by and see how you're doing during this difficult month.  I'm holding on, but this week has been hard.  At least it's gotten a little warmer and the 20 inches of snow we had has melted to just a few piles here and there.  One good thing, and it has made me feel a little better.  But just a little.  I've been feeling very angry the past two or three days; I posted about it on my blog and I journaled for myself, too.  I'm trying to process it so it doesn't eat me up.  I had dinner last night with a cousin who lost her husband 19 years ago; she was 58 years old at the time.  She's done rather well, has built a new life for herself, has a new circle of friends, and seems happy.  I told her about feeling angry, and she told me it was still pretty early for me.  She reports not starting to feel more "like herself" until well into the second year after her husband died.  In a way, that helps me not expect too much too soon.  But it's hard to hang on and be patient, isn't it?  It hurts so much, how can we not want it to end more quickly?

Hang in there and take care of yourself.  Hugs.

Hello Cindy, morning time for me.  I have been doing a lot of "work" around this grief, reading from all places, including hospice, going to counselling, etc. and I work in a hospital too.  There is no right or wrong to grieve Cindy, no timeframes, no nothing.  Each person needs to do this on their own timeframe, and, someone does not "get over loss" , you take the love of the person, tuck it into your heart, protect it and honor it, and live your life the best you can until you see them again.   Do only what you need Cindy, and don't worry about other people.   Surround yourself with people who understand and can support you.   The first year is the most intense grieving period, and even the 2nd year, who knows...no one can predict.

Only you need to find comfort in your love.

 

You will cry Cindy, don't try to cry, it is a natural reflex, and it will come when you least expect it.  It doesn't mean you aren't feeling.

 

Well I must go and get ready for work, but thinking of you.   Try and do something nice for yourself:)

Hi Cindy - I made it through Valentine's Day, but it was harder than I anticipated.  Steve and I decided to get married on Valentine's Day, and remembering that made it very painful.  It came after a decent weekend.  The roller-coaster effect, I guess:  A good day or two followed by a crash.  I certainly have days when I feel I'll never be happy again, but I find if I try, I do get some pleasure out of life, although it's tinged with sadness.  I don't expect to ever entirely stop missing Steve, nor do I expect to meet someone else like him - smart, kind, generous, interesting, funny.  There aren't many out there like that, and it hurts to think I'll be alone for the rest of my life.  I still believe the pain will ease in time; I have to believe that or I'd never be able to go on. 

I am so sorry you are finding nothing in life to enjoy.  Have you told your grief counselor - I seem to recall that you're getting help, right?  I wish I had some magic piece of advice that would help.  I do think "going through the motions" is a good idea; we have to push ourselves and simply hope that, one day, it feels a little better.  I went to my art class again tonight, and again didn't really feel like it when I left the house.  But now I feel my mood lift just a little - not a lot; just a bit, but I'll take it.  Small things help.  My cat often comes to bed and keeps me company while I read myself to sleep, and I like that.  I still enjoy a good meal with a glass of wine.  I still enjoy good music (which Steve taught me a lot about), good books, and watching old favorite movies on DVD.  Being able to focus on work, although not thrilling, at least calms me, makes me realized I can still function.  Right now, maybe that's all I can expect.

The weather is better up here, too. They're predicting 60 degrees on Thursday.  You should try to get out and enjoy the better weather.  Maybe it will lift you a little bit.  Take care of yourself.

Thank you for writing Cindy. I know this is a very difficult month for both of us. The last of the firsts is about to be upon us. It does help to be keeping busy for sure. So lucky that I have wonderful family around me taking me under their wing and trying really hard to support me. My sis reminds me I am a strong woman and have come a long ways this year and am moving forward. Nice to hear and I know she wants to understand but I am so glad she has a wonderful husband that she is about to celebrate 28 great years with. I feel blessed for each and every day Bill & I had and am so grateful we lived alot in that short time. Take care of yourself. Try to remember the happy times. Do you have any pictures you could post? It helps me to move mine around and see Bill's face smiling back at me from different spots on the computer. Hugs

Hi Cindy,  I am not sure if we've ever communicated on this site before but I do understand how you are feeling.  I, too, hesitate to post because I feel that it will just depress others and what's the point.  I know tht Suzanne and I have both been having a difficult  time picking up the pieces.  My husband passed on 11/9/09 and that was the absolute worst day of my life.  I am so lost without him that I don't know how to go on day to day.  I have great kids and they would be very upset if they knew how I really feel.  I wait for the day that I am reunited with him.  My children would be devastated if they knew that.  I just can't help the way I feel.  We were married for 46 years when he passed.  I was just 18 when we married and we had a very happy marriage. Every day we loved each other more than  we did the day before.  I am told that with time it will get easier to go on.  I don't know if that is true but I guess we will all find that out.  If you would like to communicate directly, my e-mail address is:  connie_richards@optimum.net.  Best of luck to you and I hope to hear from you again soon.

Hi Cindy, thanks for writing.   I just wrote you a long reply and lost it somehow.  So I will write tomorrow but I want to tell you, baby steps, in this recovery, no right or wrong, and know that you are still being loved, very much so, and that your loved one is looking after you and making sure you are ok.

Hang in there, take it easy at work too.....one day at a time, and cry when you need to, cause it will come anyway....

 

Hugs,

Carol

Hello Cindy, I don't think we have chatted before but I just wanted to say I lost my beloved Jack on August 31st 2010 and he was 2 weeks shy of his 58th birthday.   While he had been sick with diabetes for years and years, and I knew he was not strong, I was not ready for the cancer diagnosis.  I will write more later but kind of tired.  Good for you though for going to work, I just started back and it isn't easy at all.  

 

February is a tough, tough month:(  I was not prepared for this at all.  Too much happened in Feb. that was not happy.   I did get a nice surprise from my daughter tonight when I said if you and your husband could go out for dinner because on Valentine's because it would be hard for me she said they had talked and were taking me out to dinner because they didn't want me to be alone.   So that was very sweet and thoughtful.

 

It is nice to be able to share Cindy and hoping you have better days ahead, and one day at a time, no expectations!

 

Carol

Cindy

This web site has been so good for me. I don't feel as if I am by myself. The counselor I was going to made me feel as if I should have already be moving forward and Neal has only been gone 4 months. Most of the comments on here are what I am feeling.

 

I too lost my Neal to lung cancer. He was diagnosed April 23, 2010 with lung cancer. On Sept. 10, 2010 (even after some chemo) it had metasized to his liver, bones and his brain. I lost him on October 15, 2010. Only 5 1/2 months. Before the word cancer could even sink in, he was gone.

 

There are not enough words to express how much I miss Neal. We were married 40 years, would have been 41 years on February 20. We married when he was 19 years old and I was 17 years old, so we have always been together and now part of me is gone. He will always be with me in my heart and one day I will be with him again. Hugs to you. Linda

I wish I had known about a place like this when I returned from Viet Nam.  Maybe my PTSD would not be so pronounced.  I have just started talking about all this stuff I have had bottled up for many, many years.  IT kinda helps and kinda makes things worse.  I had all this stuff put away and now I'm having to deal with all of it again.  I know its not like loosing a spouse or child, but I almost lost me.

I wish I had known about a place like this when I returned from Viet Nam.  Maybe my PTSD would not be so pronounced.  I have just started talking about all this stuff I have had bottled up for many, many years.  IT kinda helps and kinda makes things worse.  I had all this stuff put away and now I'm having to deal with all of it again.  I know its not like loosing a spouse or child, but I almost lost me.

Thanks, Cindy, I am feeling better - physically, at least.  The weather has been horrible.  Between that and my grief, I've been pretty low.  I did make it to my art class Tuesday night, however, and although I didn't feel like going when I left the house, I realized upon returning that my mood had lifted a bit.  Didn't last long, but I try to remember that there are moments of comparative relief.  I hope in time they'll become more frequent and last longer.  I have heard about the terrible weather in Texas.  It's bad enough for us northerners who are used to it - everyone's been a bit grumpy up here - but it must be doubly difficult for those of you accustomed to milder winters.  Hang in there; spring is on its way!  We are supposed to get above freezing in Chicago starting over the weekend.  Maybe it will start to melt the 20 inches of snow we have on the ground.  Let's hope so!

You are so right about the need to make new lives for ourselves.  That really is the goal of grieving, isn't it?  I remind myself, when it seems that making a new life is so difficult and painful, that that's the destination.  We're not there yet, so it still seems difficult.  And I totally agree with the one-day-at-a-time (even one hour or minute) approach.  It makes sense; we cannot do a year or two or three of grieving all at once; it's a process that takes time.  None of us signed up for this; we didn't want our lives to change as they have.  Getting used to the idea will take time.  We will have to be gentle and patient with ourselves.

Hang in there this difficult month of anniversaries and special dates.  Do something nice for yourself and take care.  This will pass.

Thanks, Cindy, I am feeling better - physically, at least.  The weather has been horrible.  Between that and my grief, I've been pretty low.  I did make it to my art class Tuesday night, however, and although I didn't feel like going when I left the house, I realized upon returning that my mood had lifted a bit.  Didn't last long, but I try to remember that there are moments of comparative relief.  I hope in time they'll become more frequent and last longer.  I have heard about the terrible weather in Texas.  It's bad enough for us northerners who are used to it - everyone's been a bit grumpy up here - but it must be doubly difficult for those of you accustomed to milder winters.  Hang in there; spring is on its way!  We are supposed to get above freezing in Chicago starting over the weekend.  Maybe it will start to melt the 20 inches of snow we have on the ground.  Let's hope so!

You are so right about the need to make new lives for ourselves.  That really is the goal of grieving, isn't it?  I remind myself, when it seems that making a new life is so difficult and painful, that that's the destination.  We're not there yet, so it still seems difficult.  And I totally agree with the one-day-at-a-time (even one hour or minute) approach.  It makes sense; we cannot do a year or two or three of grieving all at once; it's a process that takes time.  None of us signed up for this; we didn't want our lives to change as they have.  Getting used to the idea will take time.  We will have to be gentle and patient with ourselves.

Hang in there this difficult month of anniversaries and special dates.  Do something nice for yourself and take care.  This will pass.