Hi Cindy, I lost my husband to lung cancer that had spread to his bones, his liver etc. I'm sorry that we all have to be here. He passed away 10 days ago. It makes me so sad to realize that so many people out here, are all going through what I am. I wish I could make it all go away.

I think you are so right about the "reality" thing. Do we ever stop thinking its a big joke and we will wake up and they will be there as always... Laying there in the big ole bed talking to Bill I think, okay, when I wake up you will be here so just do it NOW!!! Its so hard to continue making decisions and realize this is how it is now. I loved having someone to bounce things off of. We loved traveling and I just don't want to do it now. I thought I could but its just too hard.. I hope I will change my mind about this because there are still lots of places I want to see. Bill would want me to I know. He loved sharing this love with me.. Take care of yourself.. hugs

Cindy, I am so sorry for you today. I have been having a bad couple of days cus it was 8 months yesterday that my love passed and I see its the same for you today. I hope you are handling it okay. I keep thinking it will get better or I can stop looking at the darn 25 and its still not working. Bad bad bad...

Cindy, I am so sorry for you today. I have been having a bad couple of days cus it was 8 months yesterday that my love passed and I see its the same for you today. I hope you are handling it okay. I keep thinking it will get better or I can stop looking at the darn 25 and its still not working. Bad bad bad...

Sorry the weekend is upon us again and I see its a difficult time for you. Hope this one will be a little better. I went shopping with my daughter and grandson today to get him some work clothes for a new job he will be starting next week. I had a bad bad moment at Walmart. I told my daughter I would meet them I would run get some hardware items while they purchased his pants cus I still have a difficult time in the men's clothing dept. Darned if on my way back to meet them near the cashiers a man dressed so like my husband was a shocker for me. Almost couldn't breath.

hi cindy: after reading so many people on this site is getting sick i had to return to the site. first of all i am sorry for you loss people that are close to me are getting sick beside losing someone dear to them. i am going to stay on the site hope to be talking to you soon

Cindy, I am also sorry for your loss. It seems that quite a few of us here share the common bond of doctors not doing what they should have done. I try daily to deal with the fact that if only they had done one more test, they may have found the problem. I believe that God has his plan though, and it is not ours to question why. I just told one of the grand sons the other night that we love him very much, but Jesus loved him more and wanted granddad to be with him. I can deal with my pain, at least I try, but when I see the pain in the kids and grand kids, it just kills me. (together we have 5 children and 9 grandchildren). My heart aches to know that he will not be here to share in their lives as they grow up. We have 21 month old twin granddaughters. They were born 10 weeks early. We spent many months in the NICU with them. It makes me so sad to know that they will never get to know him. I am taking one day at a time, that is all any of us can do.

hi cindy: i had a good time at the pool party the part of the family that i was wishing that did not come didn't my aunt and her sons and daughter-in-law came which was really nice i am very thankful for having such a caring family but you know cindy this is something i have to work out for myself i know they are there for me if i need anything people were asking me how i was doing i just told them as well as can be expected they did not ask me any more,which i thought i nice. you know you can talk to me anytime you need to

cindy: thanks i went to get pizza with my son and the twins (3 years old) i sort of enjoyed it because i was with them they make my day any day tomorrow i will be going to my other sons house for a pool party georges side of the family will be there (phonies) and my side of the family which will be family that i deal with only my mothers sister,her 2 sons and their wifes. i should be a pretty good time my daughter in laws father will be making his spinach spelling_ pie he was a chef i can not wait for that he always make rice pudding which is really good i will be bring some of his pie home with me i could only have a few greens because of my blood thiner i will also put on a sign please do not always ask me how i am doing i am taking day by day be good

Hi Cindy,
I'm not sure mileage wise how far Bryan is from Waco. Do you know where the Texas A&M University is? That is where I live, in a twin city...Bryan/College Station, TX. Our Hospice Organ. is having their support sessions on Saturdays from 10:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. I wish you lived closer so you could come to our Hospice. Maybe you could call your bereavement coordinator from your Hospice Organ. and ask for a private session. I did that first with my Hospice.
No, my husband died from a lung disease called "pulmonary fibrosis" It's a disease that attacks the cells of the lungs and dries them up where they will not be able to pull in air. He was diagnosed in 2005 and was given five years to live. He lived five years and two months exactly. We were married 34 years. I have a son 34 and a daughter 26. I also have 3 grandsons, aged 10, 6, and 3 months. Well Cindy, again, I'm going to keep you in my prayers and please do contact your Hospice Organ. for a private session. My first one really helped me a lot. I just want to continue these grieving sessions because I still do have my weepy days and want to learn how to become stronger plus meet others in the same situation as me. You take care and I hope to hear from you soon.

Love & God bless,
Pat in Texas

Cindy....I am so sorry for your loss. I got your email this morning asking for prayers because you are spreading your husbands ashes today. I'm so sorry!!! I too lost my husband on March 22, 2010. Were you married long? It's so hard to go through this experience in life, isn't it? I'm going to be starting a group grieving session on Saturday with our local Hospice Organization. I'm hoping this is going to help deal with the loss of my hubby. I also see Cindy that you live in Waco......I live in Bryan TX. We are neigbors, lol!!!! You take care dear and I will have you in my prayers.

Pat Herrera

Hello Cindy,

I read your message and just wanted you to know that as you are already aware you are not alone in your feelings of anger.

I lost my husband on May 4th of this year and I have felt nothing but depression and anger. It has been extemly difficult for me when I am with others especially couples. I watch them as they walk along holding hands, smiling and talking amongst themselves the way my husband and I used to do. A huge feeling of loneliness and then resentment washes over me and I don't know weather to cry or turn around and run in the other direction calling out to my husband. i so badly want to hold his hand and talk to him but more than anything I want to tell him that I still love him and always will. I have visited this site from time to time and I always feel a little better when I leave here. Being here helps me realize that I am never alone. All across the United States and in other countries as well there are people just like you and I. Like you also, I feel like my life has no meaning and I wonder "what am I doing here". Then I begin to realize that I'm here because I need help and advise and only from those who are going through the same things. I never once in all the years that my husband and I were together thought that this could happen to us and that I would be left on my own to face life and all it's problems, pressures and stressers. My husband always took care of things like the car, insurance, bills, and many times even the grocery shopping. Like so many husbands he just wanted to take care of me because he loved me. Our relationship was so much like yours and your husband's. So many times I have thought "if only I could talk to him one more time" how wonderful it would be and maybe the anger, the sorrow and this relentless heartache would go away. Yours Sincerely, Sandralee

Cindy, Hugs to you. If I may add my 2 cents to the post you did on your husbands ashes.. If you are not comfortable burying them yet, don't! My Phill's ashes are still with me( since Sept. 5, 2009) and will be, forevermore. My children know that I want both mine and his joined and then buried together. No one has a right to dictate to you what to do with your husband's ashes, especially those who were hardly, if ever around in your lives. You need to do what is right for you. The pain and loss we all feel on here is hard enough to endure. The uneasiness and sadness you are feeling about this is a clear sign that you should wait and not make a decission until and IF YOU are feeling right about it. God Bless you, Connie

Hello Cindy, my deepest symphathy condolence for your husbands loss. My husband had cancer too and passed on the 25 of Febuary 2010 at home with his family and friend. I can not overcome the thought that my husband was so worried for me even though I told him he cames first. I wish sometimes I gone first because it would be the best as he is so good with everything preparing. Seeing him decline and his sudden turn for the worst has me left with so much pain... Well, I guess my husband is in The City of Angels.

Hi Cindy,
thanks so much for your kind words. I have been having a terrible day today-crying through most of it - very much in touch with the fact that I have lost the person who was my everything. No matter what I try and what her- now my - therapist has advised me, I cannot feel the warmth of her light , her presence or her love-all I feel is her absence. Liza is gone from all the places we created together, all the spaces that made up our every day existence-they were all comprised of our love and our plans for the future. Now it is up to me to carry on without her for the rest of my days.and I am 45. I have lost all my joy, all my everything, except for going through the motions, which I do by rote.
I guess I -we-have no choice but to suffer through this. And though we feel alone in our alienation, I guess this board proves we are not. I feel for you in your suffering and hope that your grief becomes more tolerable. Bless you and yours- I am here for you when you need me.