Dear Pam, Thank u for writing to me... I cant believe your daughters friends left her all by herself, wow so cold!!!!! Well they have to live with that forever & I sure hope they have Guilt!!!! when did your daughter pass? I'm so sorry, Do u have any other children?? Who has your daughters children? It's so devastating losing a child no matter what age, u know??? I hope your doing okay, I'm just okay not any better. sending u a Hug !!!! God Bless Ronda
Pam, Can you please just let us know that you are OK, just a word will do, we are all worried about you and want you to come talk to us, we are all here for you, we hold you in our hearts, we have all been there, we have all had those terrible feelings, we want to help you, PLEASE reach out to us..... We love you, we are all one now.
Pam..I know you are having a rough time, but please, please don't do anything to yourself. I think we all had that fleeting thought at one time or another when our children died, but what would it accomplish.....the ones we leave behind would be devastated. You are so lucky to have grandchildren from your daughter. I wanted that more than anything and so did Jennie, but I'll never have it now from her. The pain of that is something else that is indescribably. So please, think about those little ones she left behind and how much you can do for them for your daughter. Spend time with them even if it hurts and it will but it will also help you I think to realize they need you. I'm here if you need to vent....please let me know that you are alright. There are so many people here that are really worried about you, we care about you and we care about what happens to you. I know this depression sucks big time, I've seen to struck a brick wall and it has thrown be right back to it, so I do kinda understand but I could never take my own life, my daughter, Jennie would be so mad at me. Drop a note, just say hi or something we are all worried. Many hugs to you...Linda, Jennifer's mom
Pam, Hello my name is Ronda Johnston & let me just say how sorry Iam to hear about your beautiful daughter..... I also have a loss my son Sean he was 25 and passed June 14, 2010 of an accidental OD & It has been almost 9 months and I'm hurting so bad, I just can't take it at times... I feel so empty inside!!!! Its such a HORRENDOUS hurt, I don't ever think I will be happy ever again.... I just want Sean back!!!! Pam if u ever want to talk please write me I'm a good listener. We are all going through this together & it does bring a lil comfort that your not the only one going through this. Take Care Pam, Hope to hear from you. Sending u a hug. God Bless, Ronda
First I am very sorry for the lost of your daughter. I too lost my 39 yr old son to an Accidental OD. Too many of our children are being prescribed meds that are dangerous and especially in combination with others. They need to be warned of the dangers before they are written out.
It is has been one year inDec. for our family too.
Please try and hang in there. Don't do anything desperate, for the love of the rest of your family. They are also dealing with this sadness and how could they recover if they lost another close family member. Try and reach out to someone, friend, family member, church anyone who will listen. Please.....try and make it through this dark time.
Hugs to you and hoping for some kind of peace to come into your life.
Pam, I too lost my 21 yr old daughter just a touch over a year ago. She was my daughter but also my best friend. Please talk about how your feeling. I know how devastating this is to you and everyone here that has lost a child. I too at one time thought the same thoughts as you BUT than it hit me, what would Ashley do and how would she feel if I were to do that. She is happy, VERY happy now and even though we are all so sad and carry this hurt on our shoulders and deep in our hearts, our babies are happier than they have ever been. Please e-mail me and we can talk. Like I said, I am new to this loss also but I too was thankful to have had a wonderful and courageous women help me through my heartaches and pains because she had lost a son 7 yrs prior and shared with me that I was not going crazy and that everything I was doing and feeling was all normal. Please know that! Ashley's 1 yr anniversary was Nov 15th. Their is much more to her death that has to do with hospitals and doctors but unfortunately I am not able to divulge this information out in the open due to a lawsuit. PLEASE e-mail me. I am here, willing to listen, just like the rest.
Pam...Taking your own life is SELFISH!!! I am sorry to be so brutal, but there is now way around it! Think about how you feel...think about how much you loved your baby...think about how hurt and broken you feel, now think about those that love you feeling that way because you are gone. Not just gone, but gone because you CHOSE to go...it is devastating to lose someone you love to suicide. I know this from personal experience...the doubt and the if onlys, and the "why wasn't I enough" feelings everyone who loves you would be questioning themselves...feeling guilty, and sad. Your grandkids NEED YOU...your daughters children...you can't leave them. Who will they learn about their mother from? Don't let your grief make you miss out on the BLESSINGS that are right in front of you. Talk to someone...anyone...GET HELP, but don't take the road you are contemplating now, it is nearly impossible to recover from loss of a loved one because of suicide...Pam...you will get through this...you will....give it more time....talk to us!
Pam, Please dont do anything to harm yourself, You have to talk to someone ASAP! That isnt the answer, remember you have people that love you and that know that you are really hurting, there is no easy answer to all of this, but you also have to remember that you have those two beautiful grandchildren that need you, Imagine what would happen to them if they didnt have grandma, to keep the memory of their beautiful Mother alive, you are the only one that can tell them stories of her when she was growing up, I know it seems hopeless... PLEASE CALL SOMEONE, even a hotline to let out your feelings, it will help you, Please! 1-800-273-8255
Pam, Please if you feel that you are going to harm yourself, call someone that can help. maybe just a friend that you can cry with or let your heart out to. Get it out of your system somehow. Talk out load to your child that you lost, or have a good cry. I found myself crying in the shower when noone was around. Sometimes at night, all I did was think of my daughter and I would end up crying myself to sleep. They say it helps cleanse us. It doesnt go away over night and it doesnt go away in a year. We get better but we dont ever get over it as they say. Are you on meds of any kind? Do you live alone? Talk to someone or come here and vent! Say what is on your mind. Sometimes the time before a date is worse than the date itself. I found myself sleeping a lot, but then I dont work and didnt have to get up. My husband would go to work and I would just stay in bed. My family kept me comforted but so many things would trigger the fact that she is not here or will never be here again and I cancelled a lot of get togethers. I couldnt do any holidays since 9/18/08. Up untl this valentines day and my bday in feb, did I for some reason or other tell myself I have to change my thinking. We do have reasons to go on, maybe it doesnt make sense right now, but there are a lot of them. We all go thru these thoughts at one time or another. It doesnt help anyone to have to go thru another loss.
Thank you! I set mine to have my approval in case some nut bag post or there is cursing,
My daughter was supposed to be graduating college and there is a lot of debt with that. She was a senior at VCU, It is very difficult It must be even more so when they have not even gotten out of high school. I got the toxicology report back on my daughter and it was clean. I told them it would be but had to wait a full three months with the holidays and all.
Pam.My world as I knew it came to an end New Years Eve, they say Jan 1st, but it was just after 12:30 am in the morning on Jan 1, 2008,my daughter, Jennifer died from a fire in our home & that is when half of my heart was just ripped out never to be replaced. She was 29 years old,my best friend,my co worker and we lived together for the last 5 or so years of her life. I talked to her on the way home, she was fine & in less than 10 mins I got there, it was on fire & I could not get her out.I agree with Terri but with me it's the 1st of every month. Saying it gets easier, that word "easier" is not the right word for me.You try to learn to live a totally different life that was thrown at you, one you would never choose for yourself. It is coming up to 3 years in a few days and I have to admit this year was the worst. This was also the first Christmas that I was alone but I worked so that helped a little.I won't be working around New Years, I just can't do that yet.I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to say Happy New Year to anyone ever again.The pain is always there, it hides for awhile at times..you will get little triggers that will just turn those tears on that you can't help but you do get to a point that you can control them except for every once in a while,those floodgates open & it just has to come out.So asking if it gets "easier", that is a word a lot of people are comfortable with & if it helps then I am happy for them. It goes along with another word I don't really care for & that is the loss or lost. I didn't lose my child, if I did then I would be out looking for her. I know the word that my child "died" took me a while to say, but that is what happened. A lot of people can't say that word & I totally understand that also.We each try to find what is best for ourselves to live our life now so differently, a "New Normal" is what I was told in one group meeting. Nothing normal about it. Linda..Jennifer's Mom
Pam, I will be brutally honest with you. You will not feel better...especially at the one year anniversary. It has been my experience, with both my father and then 10 years later my son, that on the 1st anniversary it is like you are reliving every detail of the day you lost your child. It is not easier at all...it is nearly devastating. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think you need to be prepared. It does, eventually get easier, but on every anniversary of Jakes accident, I relive that day....it is very difficult, but I survive....just as you will. You will be able to remember good times and not be sad, but be happy because you will realize you were blessed to have your child for as long as you did...it takes time, and you will have good and bad days. Please come to this site as often as you can, and let all of the other parents here, who know what you are doing help you if we can...before you know it you will be helping as well...it is very rewarding. You can write me any time...I will always answer...with the truth...good or bad...I promise. Sending smiles and hugs to you for a good day tomorrow.
I just read where 9 month ago your world came to a end, I think i will be sayig the same thing on the 19th of every month for the rest of my life. I read your profile did you ever find out what really happened we havne't goten back the toxicology report yet since my son died in november and really don't even know who we go to, to find out if something was in his system, just like your daughter my son had a date that night and had no reason to be doing drugs that day especially not the knowing is what killing me, but even after that our children are still gone and we have to find a way to go on plesae know we are all here for you
Hi Pam I am here with you sad and sadder at times. Our children were the same age and now I know how vulnerable that age is. 24 we are moms and we have all this love for our beautiful children. I hope you are ok. I am just here trying to start my day for I know it will be filled with the same thoughts and wants. just not being able to fufill them. I can't imagine life without my beautiful son. and i guess sometimes i just don't want to believe. want to make up a story about him being gone. anything but this. the hows and whys consume my psyche. love to you and hope you can find some forever friends here to forever memorialize our beautiful children carrie L
Hi Pam - I read your profile today. On January 26th of this year I lost my 24 year old son, Tyler. He was my only child. I wish he had left behind a grandchild for me. Did you ever receive the toxicology reports? My son died from huffing computer cleaner. He was at work (the same office I am in) and I found him dead in the rest room. Life is over for me now. There is nothing else to do but wait each day to die.
I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your daughter.
Always Tyler's Mom
Hi Pam, I just saw that I did comment here... Im right below! Have you heard anymore news that you would be willing to share? I am so sorry for you loss and im so sorry for her beautiful babies. Love those grandbabies until you cant love anymore, they are a part of your precious Daughter.
Hugs to you