My mom died on December 13, 2009, exactly 9 days after receiving a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. She had turned 65 that year. All of us are still struggling with it. It doesn't get better - well some things do, as far as now I can actually talk about her for a few minutes without busting into tears. I've also stopped feeling the EXTREME resentment I felt any time I saw a woman who was older then my mo m walking around. I'm ashamed to say that I would instantly think to myself - why did she get to live and my mom had to die? I know, horrible thoughts but HONEST ones. Now I am finally able to be around a elderly woman and simply think reasonable thoughts like " aww doesn't she look happy, nice family, things like that. We visit moms grave quite a bit, here is a picture of my sisters taking their first grandchildren up to see "grandma" for the first time. Its kinda heartbreaking to me. I have a voice mail message that I play when I am really missing her. It say's, "This is your mom or Pearl, I must be in a spot where I can't be reached" I love the fact that she identifies herself as mom first and also agree wholeheartedly that she is in a spot where she just can't be reached. Oh Momma my God I miss you and have a huge ache inside of me. The thought of not seeing you for another 20-40 years seems overwhelming at times. I do know however, exactly what you would say to me. It would go someting like this, "Mary Sue you know how much I always loved you and your sisters and brother and you guys need to stick together and keep in mind that I am always in your heart. Just do the things that you know I would want you to and continue to be the young woman and mom that made me proud" Here's the pics of mom meeting Everleigh and Lacey for the first time.
Thanks for writing on my page and I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom suddenly just 10 weeks after Clara was born(1991) she was there for me to see my first born. I kept track of the years of her death by Clara's age. That may sound morbid but it was how I knew the year on July 27th. She thought is was about time I had a baby since I was 30 years old. We all think she was ill and did not tell anyone. I think she waited for me to have my baby before she went. I was the last of 5 children to have a child and the only girl with 4 brothers. I thought I would never recovering from losing her. I do not think I ever have but my kids kept me going. She never got to meet my other two daughters that are still in the living. Clara had a special bond with my mom although she was just a newborn when she passed. I guess because of the few pictures of her holding Clara the day she was born and I talked about her all the time to her. I do take great peace in hoping they are together somewhere and watching over me and the girls, but am also selfish as well wishing they both were here. I am hoping you can find the joy in the memories of your mom. I have and tell the stories often. She was very funny and loving my mom and made everyone laugh. Bless you in the months and years to come. Keep in touch it does help I find. Jan
Do you know what kills me? The thought of having to go another 20, 30, however many more years without seeing my beautiful mom.
I love you momma and i wish i could get one more of those super hugs you were always giving me, how i wish I could hear you calling me on the phone for the 6th time in a day, to tell me one more thing, how I wish you could have seen your granddaughter turn 12, how I wish I could just hear your voice one more time telling me how much you love me.
i looked at the pictures of your mom..she is a beautiful woman..you must have been so proud..nothing seems to be getting easier does it, work work work is all i can do , to try and keep my mind off of dad or a little moment, but that doesnt help me either..i also to wished i would wake up from this horrible dream...i keep asking god WHY.. ???? did you take DAD FROM US.. WE NEED HIM HERE WITH US..i miss my dad more and more each day.. when will this get easier?
I know you must think that nobody knows how you feel but I really need to tell you I know exactly how you feel!!!!! I lost my mom in July 2009 and I still feel the pain as it were the day she died. I always thought about living without her when she was alive and told myself I would never be able to do it I dont know whats keeping my heart beating but it is, I cry morning noon and night about my mom I miss her so much! as I write this to you the tears are flowing down my face right now!!!! I hate my life without my mom and I am 48 years old I have 5 older sister and not any of them I can talk to they kinda dont like me because I spent all my time with my mother and they never did now their sorry for it its like their taking it out on me. my mom and I were the closest but thats is not my fault they should of spent more time with her while she was here they even pushed me away at the end because they tried to make up for lost time ( which that cant be done ) I am a single mom with a 11 year old little giirl who was my moms princess she loved my daughter Jennifer more than life itself and I work at home so I try to get all my crying in before she gets home from school, I try to be strong for her but it is so hard! my mom was diagnoised with cancer in April and I lost her in july I really have only one friend to talk to but I hate to bother her all the time thats why I joined this place. I am so sorry for you beacuse I do feel your pain they say time heals all wounds well it sure is taking its time with me, sometimes I even ask her to ask god if I can just hear her whisper to me that she is ok and its ok for me to go on. well maybe we can chat if you like my name is cathy wagner and I am on here. try to keep strong I know our moms would want that.
Honey, I am so sorry. My mom died Nov 20th after being diagnosed in January. I still wasn't prepared to lose her. I still can't accept she's not coming back. It hurts like hell. I wish I could it easier for you, but no one can. It's something we have to endure. Somehow, someway we have to go on.
Thank you everyone for the kind comments.....it is so new that I am still talking to people and they are asking, How is your mom doing? That happened again yesterday when I went to a gas station.....I just froze up.
I wish that we were not all in the same boat, dealing with this is so painful, but hopefully we can help each other out through this horrible time.
i understand what you are going through..i lost my dad on november 15th .2009. he had 2 strokes and was diagnosed with severe brain damage..i miss my dad so much ..im so mad because he is not here..i wanted him to watch his grandkids grow up..i also want to turn back time..nothing is easy for me and the holoidays are here..and where is my dad..things are so different without him. he held our family together..just try and take one day at a time..i know it hurts, remember all the memories you have with your mom..shes watching over you from heaven..god bless you...
You are still on adrenalin and shock but also are given extra strength and grace from God to get thru this difficult time. Light a candle, pray and cry...whatever you have to do.
I cried for 6 weeks. It has been 10 weeks now and only the past week or so do I feel like something is shifting and I can survive.
Do anything you have to do but be gentle with yourself. xo lg
First, let me say that your mother was a beautiful woman. That said... I am so sorry for your loss. My mother passed away just 1 day short of 7 weeks after being diagnosed with stage 5 AML and here it is 6 weeks later and I'm finding that my sadness has only deepened. I cry a lot... when will the crying stop? I don't believe we ever run out of tears... nor do I believe we will ever NOT miss our mothers. I suspect in time it will become easier but your wound is new and healing is a slow process. I believe Christmas will be the hardest day we experience following the death of our mothers... I wish it had already come and gone, or that it wouldn't come at all this year. Hold on to those you love that are still with you, don't be ashamed for anyone to see you grieve, cry when you need to but remember to laugh also.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so painful, I know, but I promise, it takes time and the severe pain will go away. You'll still think of your Mom every day but that sad, hopeless feeling will subside. I lost my Mom on September 11th 2009. She lived with me and had Alz. She passed away in my home with my sister and I holding her hands. I am still so sad and miss her so much but I'm not crying all the time like I was and am finding a bit of joy in the things I did before losing her. I pray for you....