Joyce M Rubacky's Comments

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At 12:25pm on April 15, 2013, LA-Greg said…
joyce, there are stranger things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of here, as they say. i had a strange dream about my father after he died where he was walking toward me thru a bright light, like a hallway, with strange looseifitting clothes and hat and long like trench coat that all looked comfortable and matched his peaceful looking face and smile. then he was gone, but it seemed like him and seemed so real and i awoke suddenly almost shocked. later my mother told me about a dream she had of him, too. i hadnt yet told her about mine but as she proceeded to tell me about hers, she said how he was wearing a hat and this long coat... my heart started beating fast. i dont know how to explain this, especially since i dont really believe in an afterlife and im an agnostic. whether these things are enough evidence for us to change our views there or not, i think its important to let them be what they are...something more than just a dream that means much to us. we can never truly know what is after death. but we can know how the death of loved ones and family touches us, uproots us, changes our lives, and for the better, if we let it. so many days after losing my father to heartattack and my big brother to suicide 6 mos later i still awake depressed and so lonely. but reading ur post about ur seeing ur brother...i think u said brother...it touched me, made me feel less alone about all this death, this despair, this loneliness where no one else in the world has time or motive to talk about all this, or to share their strange and mysterious experiences and thoughts and feelings. i think i know what ur feeling. it can make u miss him more or bring up more of the same feelings angry and sad about his loss, but it also made u feel good. in a strange, new way. at least thats how this similar experience made me feel. i hope u can let that touch u...even when no one else seems to understand or care. i understand. i care. and take care. greg
At 4:10pm on April 13, 2012, Gary Williams said…

Thank you so much, there is already a walk scheduled this year in San Antonio on September 30th.  I will be getting with my church and the charity organization I belong to and getting their involvement, maybe even more.  I would like you to post this to all so anyone else that wants to may get out and help.  Our fundraising group is a 501C3 and part of an international group as well as one on the Texas state level.  Suicide of teens in particular has been a focus ouf these groups since the increase lately.  Thank YOU!

 

At 3:29pm on March 6, 2012, Donna Messerly said…

@Joyce - I guess I stopped trying to describe how I feel to other people. Those who haven't experienced something like this often want to, but don't know how.

After so many losses in a row, I've finally learned to rely on myself and comfort myself. It is wonderful though to find someone who CAN relate.

At 7:13pm on February 29, 2012, Donna Messerly said…

Joyce, I'm so sorry you lost your brother. My brother shot himself too. It seems so harsh to just come right out and say it . . . but then, it is important to speak in truths and lay it all out on the table sometimes.  I'm pretty hard on myself for having these absolutely down in the dumps days. It has been exactly two months today. Certainly that cannot be enough time for the tears to dry? I don't know what normal is. I will try all I can though to accept a new normal and move forward.

At 6:52pm on February 27, 2012, Jerica Guerra said…

Thank you for your prayers Joyce i really appreciate it especially today. Its actually his first birthday that he has been gone and my first birthday without him. It was very hard for me n of course i started crying. I know it gets easier but its still hard t deal with. This site or forum does helps me alot. i put my emotions everytime i could on here. it does help. My prayers goes out to u as well your family. Take care of yourself and stay in touch. :) *hugs*

At 6:52pm on February 27, 2012, Jerica Guerra said…

Thank you for your prayers Joyce i really appreciate it especially today. Its actually his first birthday that he has been gone and my first birthday without him. It was very hard for me n of course i started crying. I know it gets easier but its still hard t deal with. This site or forum does helps me alot. i put my emotions everytime i could on here. it does help. My prayers goes out to u as well your family. Take care of yourself and stay in touch. :) *hugs*

At 6:52pm on February 27, 2012, Jerica Guerra said…

Thank you for your prayers Joyce i really appreciate it especially today. Its actually his first birthday that he has been gone and my first birthday without him. It was very hard for me n of course i started crying. I know it gets easier but its still hard t deal with. This site or forum does helps me alot. i put my emotions everytime i could on here. it does help. My prayers goes out to u as well your family. Take care of yourself and stay in touch. :) *hugs*

At 6:51pm on February 27, 2012, Jerica Guerra said…

Thank you for your prayers Joyce i really appreciate it especially today. Its actually his first birthday that he has been gone and my first birthday without him. It was very hard for me n of course i started crying. I know it gets easier but its still hard t deal with. This site or forum does helps me alot. i put my emotions everytime i could on here. it does help. My prayers goes out to u as well your family. Take care of yourself and stay in touch. :) *hugs*

At 6:51pm on February 27, 2012, Jerica Guerra said…

Thank you for your prayers Joyce i really appreciate it especially today. Its actually his first birthday that he has been gone and my first birthday without him. It was very hard for me n of course i started crying. I know it gets easier but its still hard t deal with. This site or forum does helps me alot. i put my emotions everytime i could on here. it does help. My prayers goes out to u as well your family. Take care of yourself and stay in touch. :) *hugs*

At 6:51pm on February 27, 2012, Jerica Guerra said…

Thank you for your prayers Joyce i really appreciate it especially today. Its actually his first birthday that he has been gone and my first birthday without him. It was very hard for me n of course i started crying. I know it gets easier but its still hard t deal with. This site or forum does helps me alot. i put my emotions everytime i could on here. it does help. My prayers goes out to u as well your family. Take care of yourself and stay in touch. :) *hugs*

At 6:51pm on February 27, 2012, Jerica Guerra said…

Thank you for your prayers Joyce i really appreciate it especially today. Its actually his first birthday that he has been gone and my first birthday without him. It was very hard for me n of course i started crying. I know it gets easier but its still hard t deal with. This site or forum does helps me alot. i put my emotions everytime i could on here. it does help. My prayers goes out to u as well your family. Take care of yourself and stay in touch. :) *hugs*

At 6:50pm on February 27, 2012, Jerica Guerra said…

Thank you for your prayers Joyce i really appreciate it especially today. Its actually his first birthday that he has been gone and my first birthday without him. It was very hard for me n of course i started crying. I know it gets easier but its still hard t deal with. This site or forum does helps me alot. i put my emotions everytime i could on here. it does help. My prayers goes out to u as well your family. Take care of yourself and stay in touch. :) *hugs*

At 4:44am on February 18, 2012, Crystal said…
Joyce I've learned alot on here and also from your words of advise. Thank you so much. I hope today brings you a beautiful day
At 1:24pm on February 14, 2012, Liz Reilly said…

Thank you, Joyce.  I know everything you say is true, but think it will take some time for me to be able to follow your sage advice.  The one thing I can do is come back to this website when it becomes too much and seek support.  I am lucky to have found it.  Regards, Liz

At 3:14am on February 11, 2012, Crystal said…
It is so painfull the thoughts that I have cause more pain, thinking I should have done this I should have been there. I cry in the shower before I go to bed at random times throughout the day. It is hard to look at his pictures, yet I miss him and want to see his face. All the things you mentioned in your first post are true. I'm hopeful this support group will help me to understand how to heal. It has been helpful reading articles on how our roles in family will be affected and how teenagers deal with these difficult times. I know anger is something I felt  as well . Thank you for taking the time to say something to help furring this time.
At 12:03pm on February 9, 2012, Crystal said…
Joyce, hello and thank you very much for your comforting words. Yes I am going through alot of what you have described. I find that when my thoughts go into overdrive is when I have to keep busy I know this may sound weird but I start to hum soft melodies to drown out the thoughts in my mind. It works for a moment. Thank you again
At 2:55pm on December 22, 2011, Jerica Guerra said…
I know joyce.......... It's still so hard. I'm still grieving n will b for the rest of my life. I'm trying to hold it together for my kids sake. I break down almost everyday silently. I try not to let anyone know, so I always have a smile on my face. :)
At 2:53pm on October 21, 2011, Donna L said…
Hi, Joyce--Thanks for your comment.  I'm so sorry for your loss, and you're in my prayers.  Give yourself time and don't expect too much from yourself for a while.  You're still in shock.  The suicide of a loved one is a tremendous shock to the system--you're not only dealing with the grief of a death, but also the horror and grief of the method of death.  At first, I just tried to focus on what had to be done on a day-to-day basis.  After I recovered somewhat from the initial shock phase, I experienced not only grief, but also a tremendous amount of anger, at my brother, myself, God, and pretty much anybody who seemed to be happy and living a normal life.  I would bounce from grief to anger and back, and also to just a sense of unreality.  I still deal with these feelings, but the article I cited has helped me gain a different perspective on suicide and has helped me deal somewhat with my anger.  Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about getting some help from medications if you need it, especially if you're not sleeping.  I definitely needed some help to deal with the initial overwhelming feelings.  Don't forget to eat your meals, lie down when you're tired, and take your vitamins.  God bless!
At 3:09pm on September 23, 2011, Avis M Wilson said…

Thank you Joyce for your encouraging words! It was actually 1999, but does feel like yesterday sometimes. I cannot let myself think too much about that day because I was the one who found her. I would rather remember the face in the picture than the one I found that day. It has gotten easier over time, but I think we will always have those moments that still tear our hearts out!! We loved them and they will always be part of who we are!!

One of the things that always bothered me was the stages of grief that we are told we must go through. I never had stages. Never felt angry about what she did. The only emotions I have had is over whelming guilt, and my overwhelming feeling of loss. Luckily I also still feel my love for her and cherish her memories, her laughter, her teasing, and her wonderful hugs. Her friends have helped me so much with these memories! I am very lucky to have had them keep in touch with me. They try and spend the anniversary of her death and her Birthday with me. My other daughter has also remained friends with them and it has helped her as well. They were close in age so the lose was so huge in her life. THey were not only sisters, but bestfriends, and hung out together with these friends most of the time. Having to look after all of my loved ones and her friends was the only thing that kept me from joining her!!

As with you I to go through days when I am on edge, other days when I just sit and wonder why I am still here. I sometimes feel it is soooo wrong to feel happiness without her here. We must remember how they would want us to be I suppose.

Feel free to continue to write to me. I think it helps us to communicate with others who have dealt with suicide!! This type of death brings a whole different set of baggage than accidental or illness!!

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