Linda G. how are you? I have been off of my site for a while. I come back every so often to see how I can be of some help to someone. So tell me what you have been up to. GOD is good all the time. Hope to hear back from you.
I am happy to hear from you. I just passed 14 months on the 2nd. I miss Dave very much, but I am also making my way alone. I please myself by doing ' decadent' things like eating ice cream out of the container, giving the cats a dish of water on the kitchen counter...(i don't use that area for food preparation) and having pop corn for dinner occasionally.
I remember the person you speak if. her attitude was really upsetting. I see her posts on face book, and she is a different person. I suspect that Steve blocked her posts.
8 years ago, when I started working at the college, I started getting a massage twice a month. I had really good health insurance. I continued with them for six months after Dave died, and I think it helped me with my grief ....well it didn't hurt me. With a change in health insurance I lost the perk and now I miss my massages... I can't keep my eyes open tonight. Take care and I will talk to you later. Hugs to you my friend
Hello Linda G. It is so awesome to hear from you!! I have been away for a little bit. I am trying to prepare myself for doing a module on grief and bereavement at my job. It is a new pilot program and it is for those who have lost a child through SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) or pregnancy. It's the grieving part that myself and another colleague will do. Please pray that all goes well with my presentation. I am so glad to know that you are doing better with your eating and also doing more around the house. Isn't God good. Sometimes I can get down because to me there is so much I want to do to help others, but my monetary finances are short and my heart aches at times because of that, but I know that God is in control. I love to make cards and I also do funeral programs for those who cannot afford the high pricing. It brings joy to my heart when I can do that for others. I do pray life is treating you well, which I should know it is because you Love the Lord. Keep trusting in Him no matter what. He is our anchor. Keep me posted on how you are doing as I will do the same. Hugs and Kisses
Linda, it was so nice to hear from you today (just got your email-I didn't notice when you sent it). I really needed to hear from you/ someone who knows exactly what it's like. So thankful for so much, yet inwardly crushed & still over whelmed by my loss. Please never ever apologize for sharing your feelings with me- that's what we are here for! It helps me to know I am not alone in my feelings. I understand how you feel about going to have your teeth pulled- I cried my eyes out the 1st time I went to see a new doctor & filled the papers out- Who to contact in case of emergancy? That got me! It has been Larry for so long, before that it was my mom- who now? It's beyond words...
I am in a British Literature class now, and surprised at how much I enjoy it. We are covering the Romantic Period which was during the 1800s basically & at that time, medicine had not advanced & most people experienced the deaths of loved ones, so alot of what we are reading deals with this grief, sorrow & how it effects a person. I have found it very comforting to know these famous authors have put into words my very feelings!
Hi Linda. The book is Healing after Loss by Martha Hickman. I tried posting it twice...once last night, and then again this morning. It was in a bigger post. Every time I tried to enter, I was told that there was no connection to the page. I was getting paranoid.... About the same time you were asking, I finally just posted the title. It went through. I got to work and saw your post, and wanted to say Hi to you and send you a hug!!!!!!!
Friday would have been Dave's 94th birthday. He used to love telling people that he was younger than his mother-in-law (by 20 months), and that she was the best mother-in-law (3rd) he ever had. Last year, I cooked his favorite dinner, and had his favorite drink before dinner, and toasted him. I am thinking of doing the same thing again. Right on the heals of birthday is Valentines day. We never did much to celebrate Valentines day, but two whams so close together can be difficult. I guess I will do what I can to get through both days. I got a massage yesterday. I hadn't had one since June. My body was so out of whack... I think it was from the tension of grieving and all of the family stuff I had to go through. I don't think I will wait as long for the next one. I really think the massages helped me deal with my grief. It is amazing how it affects the body.
Hugs to you! I hope all is managable with you. I suspect that things are easier for you because I don't see you posting as much. It is interesting to read the new posts. The stories change some, but the same emotional pain is there. All things change, and nothing changes.
Hello Linda! I've been having a hard time again... you know it seems that almost everyday is a challenge, but there seems to be "periods" when I can't seem to shake this grieving. I just miss him so, so much I can't stand it. I wonder sometimes if I will feel like this if I live another 40 years. I am hanging in/on & there are no real concerns or anything worrisome going on... I have so much to be thankful for. My granddaughter will turn 2 yrs on Valentine's Day- she is such a blessing & brightens each day more than anything.
I hope things are going smoothly for you also. How is the food/exercise... coming along? I am doing o.k.- better than I was, but not as good as I should be yet. I sure have enjoyed this mild winter, it was 73 degrees here yesterday! Well, take care & stay in touch.
Hi Linda! I just read your messg. & I am glad to hear you are making positive strides. Since I wrote you last wk, I too have done some cleaning out (not Larry's things either) and it feels good! I also started watching my intake choosing fibre over mindless munching & lots of homemade soup which is healthy, tastes great, is cheap, and feels great on my sore throat. Yes, I am here for you & cheering you on! Go Linda!!! :) We can do this!
Hi Linda; I can truly say from reading your story, that God got the Glory in your husband's death. All the time, God's glory shined through your husband. It was the love that the two of you had for each other. God's love shined through the both of you. Now take that love and pass it on to others and show them what love is all about in a family. There's different types of love. But the one you had was the love for your husband and family. And the love that God had for your husband was the agape love. Love that surpasses all our understanding. You may not know what to do the rest of your life without Neal, but God knows. Let God be your life, your husband, friend, your everything. There's a work for you to do and only God will show you what it is. For forty years your purpose in life was being created along with your husband. Now that purpose needs to be shared with other wives who are struggling no know what love is. You know what love is--you experienced it. Give yourself time to answering the phone. Listen to the voice messages and return one call at a time. Do your chores the way your husband and you would have handled them--one day at a time. Pick back up your good eating habits for you need that strength for the family and tht class you are going to teach (smile). You need strength to carry on. You know who you are--You are a child of God--the Most High King. God will show you what to do--He's only a prayer away. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Going into another year!! What are you going to do about it? Are you going to let 2012 suck you in or will 2012 be the year to break out and show the world what God has done for you through trusting Him. Alright girl--let's shake that booty!! Love Ya-Happy New Year
I have not been here in quite awhile, but I think of you and others here and send up my prayers. I hope you are adjusting some to life without Neal and making yourself a priority now. You need to be good to you! I know how hard it is. I lost weight and now I have gained weight and am going to try harder to eat healthier. It seems all I want is garbage. You know they say you are what you eat, well I think we might eat how we feel too. A woman I met over this past year is a widow for several years now and my age. Her husband was only 37 when he died in an auto accident. (One of my regular customers is responsible for her husband's death- it is tragic) Anyway, she recently went to the emergancy room in severe pain and I ended up bringing her home with me. She has no close family to speak of. Getting to know her better since her hospitalization showed me how easy it is for us to fall in the trap she is in: she gained and continued to gain and is now almost 300 lbs and she was a healthy size before. Her house has been neglected and looks very close to that of a hoarder. She lost her job (likely to appearance & health issues) leaving her in financial strain, which gave her an ulcer due to stress... anyway I see how easily I could be in that exact mess. I don't eat right, and my house is in need of attention. I just haven't "felt" like doing anything. I only do what I absolutely must, like work & school. Sorry to go on about this, but I remeber you saying similar things about how you felt/ate and hope that you are doing better now. If not, I hope you join me in trying harder to be better to yourself and your health.
Linda, Dave died December 2, 2010. I am on my second year. You are right, still, there is pain and lonliness. You are so fortunate to have family around and grandchildren that love and need you. My children are not here. I do have a brother that lives in town, but he and his family are busy with their life. My mother lives in the area too. She moved back to the area soon after Dave died. She lives in an independent living place, but she can't get out on her own. I was celebrating my mother's birthday last month with dinner at the place where she eats. At her table, sitting in her seat, was a gentleman having dinner with his in-laws. I heard him saying that he didn't know what he was going to do without their daughter who had just died. I felt compassion for him immediatly! When we had our first rehearsal with the choir for the Messiah, I kept looking at this man in the back row. He looked so familiar, but I couldn't place him. I finally realized he was the man having dinner with his in-laws. After the rehearsal, I spoke to him. I told him that I recognized him, and he didn't know how that could be until I explained it to him. I told him that I had recently lost my husband, and that I understood what he was going through. It is strange, you never know how you can be touched (emotionally) by a stranger, or what you say can affect them.
Linda, Eventually sleep will come. Don't give up on yourself and don't give up your job! I don't know what your circumstances are but you might want to consider part time for a while. I gave up one of the best jobs I ever had to take care of Danny, I have no regrets, its just now I look for things to keep me busy. I cannot go back to that job because it was a federal job and my time is maxed out ... long story!
If you don't mind I'm going to keep tabs on your sleeping habits!
Today I'm sending you the sand man with some hugs on the side.
Hi Linda, Just checking in to see how you made out with trying to sleep yesterday. You are not alone in the lack of sleep department. I sometimes go until I get dizzy from lack of sleep and then I know I no matter where I lay down I will sleep for at least 4 hours.
Linda, Right before Dan was diagnosed we just purchased a king size bed! So for about 2 years we slept together in that bed. Towards the end Dan could no longer maneuver steps so I had a hospital bed put into a room downstairs and I slept on the sofa right next to him until he passed. I just moved back into our room about 3 weeks ago and I sleep on Dan's side of the bed but I still find myself getting up at night and moving back to the sofa. If I sleep 4 hours straight that is a long time so no matter where I lay my head sleep sometimes does not come and if it does it is not for long.
Try doing what Maggie suggested and take some naps in the bed until you can lay there for longer periods. It is a baby step process but you are not alone in your quest as to where you feel sleep will be available to you.
Linda, Yes the fog clears. l thought maybe you had gotten there : ( I actually had an anxiety attack, and this whole time l thought l was doing good. This is one heck of a journey, l wish none of us had to take. Don't get what is going on lately on the main site l must have missed a few days. Please don't stay off especially since its been helpful to you. Let's continue to hold each other up. HUGS
Linda, Haven't heard from you, hope you are as 'okay' as you can be. l have been having a bit of a rough time lately. lt comes and goes, after the 1st year the fog starts to clear. You are not alone, and somehow we will make it. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, one foot in front of the other. Prayers n Hugs
Just checking in & wanted to let you know I think of you & say a prayer that you are well. My father turned 74 yrs Monday & I had hoped to go to N.C. to visit last wkend but it didn't happen. Gas cost alone is close to $200.00 for me to make that trip now, so when I go , I want to stay more than a day. Now I plan to visit at Thanksgiving. I know everyong is buy that time of year, but if you're able maybe we can meet one morning over b'fast. I did visit on Father's Day weekend but I could not reach you then either.
Linda, We also had our bumps in the road but together we worked it out. l think those little bumps made our marriage stronger. This is a huge Bump for us and this time they are not here to lean on. I've thought of those previous bumps and how eventually as we looked back they weren't all that bad. Thats what is so scary about this one.
My Husband was a Good Man, Good Son and Awesome Daddy, if you were to ask anyone who knew him you would get an answer among those same lines. No he is not on a pedestal its who he was. I to was lucky that he did have some insurance, l am to young (if they only knew how old l felt) so l will continue to work and perhaps its for the best. l've lost 3/4 of our income and have had to adjust. We had things in place for the future but not at this age. Thank goodness we also had no bills. All of a sudden l actually want to be older, l keep thinking how l'd like to be free to pretend on my couch! By the way l'm not that young just not old enough to retire yet....
Was l the one who mentioned Vegas? Sounds like me and l have friends who always get great deals there. I would definitely do my best to get there depending on when because of my job. Wishing you lots of Happy Memories. HUGS, Rosemarie
Linda, The days/weeks for my 1st year mark were bigger than the day itself l had let it get so built up in my mind that when it came well it was March 1st another day of many missing him. He used to bring me coffee in bed every day before work, he left before me so on weekends it was my turn. We would get up early and sit on our porch read the paper, drink coffee, and talk. Those are the things that l miss l do have to say that now l smile when l have those memories. Thats not to say l wouldn't take them back in a heartbeat! Not everyone gets to have what we've had even if they had 2 lifetimes. We are Blessed, l see other couples (our age) and think why me, why us? l get so jealous then l remember what my much younger widowed friend said to me. She said ''l think to myself, they may be widowed and trying to heal together, they may be on 2nd marriages and still working on having what we had so many other things. NO Ro, we got the best!'' Of course she is a year ahead of me and l'm 1/2 a year or more ahead of you. My friend who was a counselor told me that it takes 7 years to get over a divorce, l didn't ask because l don't think we do, not really :( l feel like l am RESIGNED to to the fact that this is what it is. lf l want to have a LIFE l will have to work Really hard to get one. Like you said this actress stuff is waaay to tiring (l think of myself as the Great Pretender). So for now l will Pretend, go to work, come home sit on couch!!! l was walking with a friend this summer that was my 1st step, l must revisit my 1st step. This may take awhile LOL. l'm still with you on the not be a weight on your children that is why I will keep Pretending. How is the 'group hug trip get together' going? lts hard for me to get on lately my PC is getting super slow. Once l get on l try not to upset it. Here's wishing you sunshine, and plenty of smiles from many wonderful memories. & Loads of HUGS from your Granbabies <3 cyber HUGS