Linda G.'s Comments

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At 10:12am on March 14, 2011, Max said…
Linda...one minute at a time and only little things...some days just staying upright is a challenge isn't it..hugs to you from Colorado. Max
At 8:32am on March 14, 2011, MaggieP said…

Linda, I am glad you put getting dressed on your list.  It is the seemingly easy things that are taken for granted, and when you are grieving, they are not so simple.  I read something this morning that refered to this.  It suggested that you realize the success of doing the little things, and eventually, you will be able to do more.  I have to move out of my home, and the packing is impossible.

At 5:24pm on March 13, 2011, Tina Walker said…
ty so much sweety...Yep i'm with you the more i think about it the madder i get with his doctors..how dare they not take care of him and take him out of my life...but i will get my day when i go up there and have a little pow-wow with them..i deserve to speak my mind...i know when gary got out of the hospital in sept. and found out 9 other liver patients had the same problem with the medician messing with their kidneys and it was with the same liver co-ordinator that he wanted to do sumthing about it...2 of the patients died..well 3 now with my hubby...he just didn't want it to happen to sumone else..well i'm gonna carry out his wish..just goto to get up with what i'm goin to say even if it's talkin to the "wall" they will give me my 5 min.. I deserve that heck Gary deserves that..Okay hun I"m gonna let you go write me anytime..if ur on facebook find me okay under Tina Walker or celticgemwlf@gmail.com
At 5:24pm on March 13, 2011, Tina Walker said…
ty so much sweety...Yep i'm with you the more i think about it the madder i get with his doctors..how dare they not take care of him and take him out of my life...but i will get my day when i go up there and have a little pow-wow with them..i deserve to speak my mind...i know when gary got out of the hospital in sept. and found out 9 other liver patients had the same problem with the medician messing with their kidneys and it was with the same liver co-ordinator that he wanted to do sumthing about it...2 of the patients died..well 3 now with my hubby...he just didn't want it to happen to sumone else..well i'm gonna carry out his wish..just goto to get up with what i'm goin to say even if it's talkin to the "wall" they will give me my 5 min.. I deserve that heck Gary deserves that..Okay hun I"m gonna let you go write me anytime..if ur on facebook find me okay under Tina Walker or celticgemwlf@gmail.com
At 9:03am on March 12, 2011, Tina Walker said…

ughh sorry for the long note u got me spilling everything out to you..:-) had to continue here...well everytime gary was in the hospital since sept he kept saying "take me home they're gonna kill me" hmmm well they Honestly did..and he knew it cause he talked to a good friend of ours that he knew he wasn't gonna last...soo brought him home on a thursday and he passed that early sunday morning..it kills me to think doctors can play god with a persons life...BUT there's nothing i can do about that i just know my husband is not suffering and he's always with me I just miss him to pieces i'd give the world to have him holding me..

Thankyou for listening to me blurt everything out to you....Lots of Hugs!!!!

At 9:01am on March 12, 2011, Tina Walker said…
Hi Tina..Gary was born with cirrhosis of the liver he was in and out of hospitals since he was a kid...he finally got a transplant 16 years ago everything went perfect...well in 07 they did a normal biopsy and it showed that he had a graph failure the cirrhosis was back they switched his anti rejections cause they were so high in his system and the doc at the time told him they made a mistake...he started swelling in the feet and lower legs all they did was put him on lasics (spelling??) and sent him on his way for 3 years they just called in his antirejections never got him to come up for blood work what they normally do every year..we even tryed to call up there and ask what was goin on...he was up there 3 times i believe and they just looked at him said "how are you doing" took blood and sent him on his way...gary is the type of person to be very upfront with him no matter what...well the swelling got worse..in sept 2010 we thought he had the flu then i thought he was getting dehydrated from the flu so i made him drink...well tryed to wake him up one morning he was in a coma..they brought him to the hospital where the kidney doctors discovered that his kidneys were messed up and it was from one of his new anti-rejections he was on for 3 years..and get this the liver doctors knew about it cause it was in his charts...soo he got put on kidney dialysis right before he got out of the hospital and he kept goin in every month cause he was getting hepathic ensephlopathy which is where the liver cant' flush the toxins out and the amonia builds up and goes to the brain he was on meds for it but anything can trigger a attack...well this last time in january for sum reason mcv decided to tell the local hospital to keep him down here that they can do the same thing...2 days later he ended up in icu..the doc called mcv and the icu doctor and his liver doctors said NO keep him down there and put him in comfort care...hospice....
At 8:06pm on March 10, 2011, Carol Kayser said…

Hi Linda, just to say I am thinking about you.  I know it hurts when people ask if you are ok...it is out of concern for you, but it is hard.  Of course you are not the same person, but the fact you are here and putting one foot in front of the other does mean you are making some small steps toward progress.  Try and visualize a happy moment for you both, your brain will react and it will give you a moment of happiness.

 

Hugs,

Carol

At 12:31pm on March 5, 2011, Christy said…

Linda,

So glad to hear you enjoyed your time in the Florida sun! I know just -preparing to go home again creates some anxiety-been there myself, but it's nice your boys were there for you. :-)

Continue to take care of yourself & find joy where ever you can~

Christy

 

At 10:11pm on February 18, 2011, Susan Mayer said…

Linda - I am so sorry about the loss of your husband.  I lost mine on September 5.  I love the picture you posted of you and Neal.  You look so happy and in love! 

This site and the people on it have been helpful to me.  I've sometimes gotten notes at just the right moment, and reading that other are experiencing what I'm experiencing helps a lot.  On the bad days, it's hard to want to go on, hard not to feel like I'm losing my mind.  It's good to have a place to come and share all this.  Not a club any of us would have chosen to join, but... it helps.  I hope it helps you, too.  Hugs.

At 8:42am on February 15, 2011, Christy said…
Linda,

Hi, I just read your post from Feb 12th. Sleeping, crying, anxiety you were talking about sounded just like me. I hope you enjoy your trip to Florida today. It sounds nice; a great oppurtunity to breathe. Exhale all the negatives & inhale all the blessings God has for you! Relax and accept the beautiful weather Florida should be having all week! :-) Best wishes, Christy
At 5:33pm on February 14, 2011, Linda C said…
Tell those people that you are grieving as fast as you can.
At 4:19pm on February 14, 2011, CINDY POWELL said…
dear linda, hi, today is valentines day and i was just wondering how things are going for you? i feel very sad because i dont have my sweetheart here with me anymore.yesterday, was his birthday and i just couldnt be alone, so i drove to see my parents, which helped some. i really hate living like this, but this seems to be my life now. i cant seem to motivate myself to do anything other than go to work. i try and set goals for myself and never follow through. i never knew that depression could be so hard on a person. my therapist has talked to me about medications but i am so scared of the side effects. they do all have side effects. well i hope you are making it through valentines day ok and please keep in touch with me.
At 1:18am on February 12, 2011, Carol Kayser said…

I had to stop cause I went over my "limit" so will just finish by saying please take care of yourself, and try to get out for a walk, even just around the block.  Don't make up big lists, way too overwhelming.   Just do one thing at a time, then when you feel more up to it, perhaps two things, but that is it for now.

I do have a suggestion though, as part of my journey I am making scrapbooks/memory books if you like.  I feel good doing this, especially when my daughter said that she would be showing them to the little one, so they would know all about their grandpa.

 

Love & Hugs,

Carol

At 1:15am on February 12, 2011, Carol Kayser said…

Hi Linda,I am glad to hear you went out with your cousin and that she is a good listener, important to have those relationships.   Yes, I have a friend who went through a tough divorce and said it took 6 years to heal from it.  Any separation like that is a loss but as you say, it is very different from the loss of a spouse through death.

 

Happy also to hear about your supportive family, that is terrific for you.  The grandchildren sound wonderful too!  I have a 12 year old nephew and we have fun, he is goofy.  My youngest daughter is expecting a baby, in June.  Amazing and we are all so looking forward to this little one arriving.  In fact because of the timing of the pregnancy (only 2 weeks after she lost her dad) we see something in the universe working to help us heal a little:)  I know that I will see "imprints" of Jack on this little one.

 

I wanted to ask are you seeing a counsellor or perhaps attending a group?  I know that this site is wonderful for sharing, but I also find it very helpful to have my counselling sessions too.   I haven't gone to a group myself actually but I do a lot of reading, and stay in touch with family and I find the spiritual type of reading I do is so comforting.  Happy to share if you feel up to it at some point.

 

I have recently gone back to work, and I work in the hospital where my husband passed away:(  not easy I tell you.  However after talking to my counsellor and doctor, they recommended it because after losing 'half my essence' I would lose even more of my identity.  So I gathered up all my strength and off I went.   The only thing that keeps me there are my friends who are so sweet and supportive.   It is only for a short term because as my husband told me "I would be busy with the pitter patter of little feet" otherwise known as grandchildren:)

At 8:56pm on February 11, 2011, CINDY POWELL said…
LINDA, THANKS FOR MAKING ME YOUR FRIEND. I NEED ALL I CAN GET. I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. I TOO, LOST MY HUSBAND , WHO HAD JUST TURNED 58 YRS OLD, TO CANCER. HE WAS DIAGNOISED IN NOV. 2010 AND AT THAT POINT WAS ALREADY A STAGE 4 WHICH AT METASIZED TO THE BRAIN. THE ONLY CLUE WE HAD THAT ANYTHING WAS WRONG IS HE WOKE UP ONE MORNING WITH DOUBLE VISION. I , LIKE YOU, ONLY HAD 3 MONTHS FOR IT ALL TO SINK IN, AND BELIEVE ME IT NEVER REALLY DID. WE WERE BOTH IN BIG TIME DENIAL NEITHER OF US WOULD EVEN TALK ABOUT HIM DIEING.I HAVE ONLY GOTTEN RID OF A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF HIS POSSESSIONS. I JUST CANT SEEM TO LET GO. I THINK WE NEED TO DO THESE THINGS ONLY WHEN IT FEELS RIGHT TO US. WE CANT BE RUSHED. IF THAT COUNSELOR WAS TRYING TO RUSH YOU INTO ANYTHING, YOU NEED TO FIND A NEW ONE. I HAVE BEEN TOLD AFTER ONE YEAR YOU CAN GET STUCK IN GRIEF. I GUESS THAT IS WHERE I AM, BUT I HAVE STARTED SEEING A THERAPIST AND HOPEFULLY SHE CAN HELP ME. I DO ALOT OF PRAYING BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ONLY GOD CAN BE GIVING ME THE STRENGTH JUST TO GET OUT OF BED.I DO WORK A FULL TIME JOB, BUT THANK GOD I HAVE ONE, BECAUSE IT GIVES ME A REASON TO GET OUT OF BED.TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF LINDA AND PLEASE STAY IN TOUCH.
At 12:16pm on February 10, 2011, Carol Kayser said…
Hi Linda, how are you feeling?  I am recovering from a very bad day I had.  I feel much better now.  Sometimes these emotions are so overwhelming it is hard to process them.  I think the realization of the lonliness is the worst, as you say.  I find while my daughters are very supportive in their own ways it is hard for them to understand the loss of half of you and where do you go from here.
I know the happiness will come back little by little when you receive the love from your grandchildren because they are a blessing.
Let me know how your visits with them go.
Here is a suggestion to maybe help you sleep, something my dad would tell me.  Some nice warm milk and 2 Tylenol.  It won't solve all the problems but it would help to relax you.  I hug a Teddy bear til I fall asleep too:)

Hugs,
Carol
At 10:13pm on February 9, 2011, CINDY POWELL said…
LINDA, I JUST READ THE RESPONSE THAT YOU LEFT ON SUZANNES , I DIDNT WANT TO POST. I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME. I DO UNDERSTAND. IT REALLY HASNT BEEN VERY LONG FOR YOU AT ALL. MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY , FEB 2010 AND IT WILL BE A YEAR ON FEB THE 26TH. THIS MONTH WILL BE SO HARD FOR ME, BECAUSE HIS BIRTHDAY IS FEB THE 13TH, VALENTINES DAY THE 14TH AND HIS PASSING ON THE 26TH. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU THAT IT GETS BETTER WITH TIME, BUT HONESTLY FOR ME IT HASNT SO FAR. HOWEVER I HAVE STARTED SEEING A THERAPIST AND I AM THINKING ABOUT MEDICATIONS BUT HAVENT MADE MY MIND UP ON THAT. JUST WANTED TO SAY HI AND PLEASE POST TO ME ANYTIME YOU WOULD LIKE TOO. WE ALL ARE NEEDING THE SAME THING, ALOT OF SUPPORT FROM OTHERS THAT ARE GRIEVING ALSO.
At 9:01am on February 9, 2011, Carol Kayser said…

Hello Linda, good to hear from you.   I was not on line yesterday, having had such a bad morning, couldn't stop the crying.  Feb. a very hard month for me, just packed with sad memories you know?   My counsellor is away until the end of the month so I am so glad I can at least pour out my heart on here, it does help.

 

Oh I am glad you have a good doctor, so important.  It is really hard to fight the sadness and depression, I am holding good thoughts for you that your new meds will indeed help with this.  Most days I can be strong, but when it hits you you feel like you've been run over by a truck:(

 

Yes, the promise of grandchildren and new life is something to look forward to.  We just don't look at our lives the same any longer, but I try so hard to get comfort from knowing our loved ones are not in pain any more, and are getting some joy from their new life in heaven, and getting ready to welcome us with open arms:) but in the meantime, I have to tell myself (and my daughters tell me too) "dad wouldn't want you to be so unhappy mom"....

 

I pray for a better day today for us Linda, take care.

Hugs, Carol.

At 12:45pm on February 5, 2011, Carol Kayser said…

Dear Linda, welcome to this site.  I lost my dear sweet Jack on August 31st last year.  He was 2 weeks shy of his 58th birthday.  I have been thinking, talking a lot too about the loss of plans for the future, road trips to California, being with grandchildren, just the daily things of living that were so wonderful.  Those amazing hugs and the laughter over silly things!

 

Not only did my husband have cancer (peritoneal) but also severe diabetic neuropathy, suffered from a broken back and other ailments.  It was a wonder he could get up in the morning and go to work.   This month is particularly hard because it was the "beginning of the end" finding out about the cancer, leaving work, surgeries and then yes, the dreaded chemo that didn't work!!  Chemo is a poison agent that is poured into your body, making you feel even more ill, and what are the outcomes?  Your doctor will say "uh, sorry, seems the chemo isn't working like we thought it would".  My husband chose to take himself off chemo.  We were doing ok with pain management until a wicked bowel obstruction took away his life.

 

Now, what I turn to is my daily love and feeling Jack in my heart at all times, of talking with him and knowing he is loving me from his new home, where he is pain free and surrounded by love, for he told myself and our daughters that he felt the love he was going to.  It is the only way I can cope with this loss and the knowledge that we will be together again.

 

I hope sharing these thoughts brings some comfort because without some comfort and hope in our lives then it is an insurrmountable journey we have.

 

Hugs,

Carol

At 10:08pm on February 3, 2011, Barbara Roth said…
Linda, I'm not so great at this computer stuff either! Until last June, I didn't even know how to turn one on. Jim was a computer draftsman, my daughters are very knowledgeable, even my grandaughters know their way on a computer.I'm glad you're taking a trip.It sounds like Neal and Jim had alot in common. I'm so sorry because I have a pretty good idea of what you also went through. If you find a way to wake up from this nightmare, please let me know. I hate this journey. Hugs to you.

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