O.K. Linda, It's been over a week since I wrote & I was hoping to hear from you that you were doing something you enjoyed. I haven't heard back & sure could use some good news.If you won't do it for yourself, do it for Neal because you know he wants you to be happy. I look forward to hearing from you~ Hugs, Christy
I can relate so much to what you shared. I think as time goes on the reality of the loss becomes more real. Dave worked in the ER nights so I think I did as you and almost told myself it wasn't real and he was either at work or in his "workshop - his version of a man cave". I don't think he created one thing out there in that workshop :-). God Bless you - my counselor told me that we are on a steady decline and bottom out at 6 months (they have done studies on this). We slowly start to inch our way up again but are at risk for health issues. She mentioned many people get sick because their immune system is down, etc. Not a great report right? You are right we need to try to keep going and yes others don't understand that although we seem so strong that we really are so broken on the inside. God bless you - Sheryl
Linda, I will say a special prayer for you today. The 23rd will be 8 months for me and yes the anniversary days are always hard. Like you it seems like it was only yesterday sometimes and then others like it has been an eternity. If only the people around us that we appear okay to that say "You sure are doing so good" only knew how we feel inside that our hearts are breaking and that we will never be okay again. At least here we don't have to pretend we can be honest with everyone about how we really feel. I hope you have as good a day as possible today and hugs to you.
Linda, thanks for your comment. It helps to know someone thinks like me. I feel guilty when I think like that. Believe me I never wish anything bad on anyone it is just so frustrating when we have to be going through this horrible grief and our husbands had to die and they were so good and there are awful people walking around. If there is anything I can do to help you please let me know. Love Renee
Linda, I'm so sorry that you are hurting like so many of us on here. I try never to worry about what other people think or expect of me in how I deal with my losses. I hope I can help you in some way to get through a tiny bit easier. Read my story "My life in a nutshell" first then if you believe I can help I will let you know what truly helped me. Everyone is different and I don't want to say something to you that may seem to downplay your feelings in any way. So I always try to let others decide after reading my story if they want my help. The Spirit Carries On...Pete
Sorry to hear you are in a low spot today. Six months is like 6 days isn't it? I had a rough week & yesterday, except for church. I felt like the beautiful weather was wasted on me. I couldn't enjoy it & just wanted to die most of the day. I decided to take a drive through the country like I would most likely do if Larry were still alive, but I didn't get 1 mile down the road & had to turn back because I couldn't see through the tears. I don't know why I felt so bad yesterday except I am having alot of anxiety thinking about his birthday this friday & his son & his sorry family. I'm trying to let go of things I cannot control but I am upset by these people. Today I have collected myself enough to pray the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference. I am trying to let go of the ill feelings I have toward people that did Larry wrong. You know- forgive others as you wish to be forgiven. I am trying my best to use God's words to get me through the days & nights as smoothly as possible. I need to get myself straight because all this grief is making me physically sick/ weak. I am making the choice to have a better day today than yesterday regardless of the weather. I hope you will think on the blessings you have & what you can do to feel better today. What do you enjoy? Gardening, reading, sewing, movies...? I hope you will do something nice for yourself & share it with me. I could use some good/happy news! My good news is I did have a great time at church- my son went with me & later I sat in the sun for a few minutes & brushed my dog- she loves being brushed- poor neglected old dog. Those things gave me the peace I needed to survive another day. Take care. Hugs~ Christy
My goodness Linda, we will just have to meet sometime this summer- 45 minutes is nothing to me- I live in Covington, GA & it takes me 20 minutes just to get to the nearest grocery store! When I get packed to go next time Ill let you know. Now I have something nice to look forward to. :-)
You made me smile at the thought of us all gathering for a big group hug- wouldn't that be awesome! I live in a town about 30 minutes from another Legacy widow & met her Saturday for lunch. It was as if we had known each other for years. We shared real hugs & got out alot of bottled up emotions. We talked for 2 1/2 hours! We plan on seeing each other again sometime. I see you live in N.C. but I don't know where Clemmons is. I have family in Charlotte, Harrisburg (where Lowes race track is ) & around Lake Norman in Mooresville & Troutman. Do you live near any of them? If so, I'd love to meet you sometime & we could share a decent cup of coffee even if it 's not as good as Neal's. I wish you the best always. Hugs~ Christy
Linda, I'm sending warm hugs & best wishes for a better day. The weather this weekend is supposed to be nice, so maybe you can find a spot in the sun & feel the warmth of Neil's love shining down on you. :-)
Linda,yes everyone we know seems to have an answer for us, but 99% of them have never been through what we have been through. They have not lost their soulmate and love of their life. We all have to go through our spouses things when we are ready and not a moment before. I understand why you quit your counselor. I have found that grief seems to take away all your energy and desire to enjoy things. I agree it is not because we don't want to move forward it is just that our minds and bodies won't let us right now. Maybe someday we will but until then just don't worry about what other people say and take things one day at a time. I am just so thankful for all the wonderful friend here on this site. Hugs to you.
Linda, I hope you will try to take better care of yourself & don't worry about your sons~ they understand what you are going through & they have thier families to show them love & support. I lost weight initially also & have turned to surviving off pretzels of all things! I never ate them before- it's crazy, but like you, I just can't make myself cook anymore. Last night was the first time in over 7 months, & I cooked hot dogs and mac-n- cheese for my grandaughter & myself. It's shameful considering the big healthy meals I always cooked for Larry & Nahjay. One thing I'm trying is to have easy healthy snacks available like small bananas & trail mix. Maybe you can think of something like that to try. Hang in there~ Good things are waiting for us just around the corner!
Linda, I couldn't have said it better. I am like you tired of being tired. I will have a couple of good days and think things are getting better and then the next day feel like my world is falling apart. i just don't have the energy or desire to do the things I used to do. I hope it will get better for all of us. May God bless and keep you.
Thank you Linda for your support. Larry & I were together 8 yrs., bought our house together, lived there & he gained custody of his son who came to live with us. We lived there 6 yrs. My husband was put in foster care when he was 5 yrs. & never had a relationship w/ his parents., but when he died they came forward as his relatives hoping to gain money from the lawsuit that is pending. It looks like they will get possibly millions because he died on the job as result of third parties negligence. It makes me sick. His son's mother has joined with them & they share a lawyer. My husband had a short term relationship with his son's mother when he was in college & have not had a good relationship since that time. His son is 13 yrs now & they split when he was a baby. She cheated on him after having thier son. Now these three people will gain everything from his death. Of course the money should go to his son, but he is underage, so they will end up with it. I don't care alot about the money so much, but it bothers me that the 3 people that hurt him most in this world will benefit from his death. I & his son benefitted from his life. I trust God will make all things right.
I just read your post. It has been almost 7 months since my husband left for work & never came home. His bath robe still hangs on the door next to mine just as you said your husband's hangs next to yours. I have not touched anything! He was a neat guy, so nothing needed to be moved by me. My son did move his boots that were by the front door & honestly I had forgotten about them until now. I think he did it to help me from seeing them all the time like he was there. It's really hard to accept that these things are just things & they are not needed anymore, but as long as we want them they should remain where they are. Take it easy on yourself~ live in the here & now & don't stress about what might be next. HUGS, Christy
Hi Linda: I too lost my John 7 months ago and found this site. John left one sunny morning with my 18 son to take our jet ski out for a spin at a lake 1 hour away and never came home. HEART ATTACK. He is my world, my future my everything. We are only 54 and now I have to pick up the pieces, deal with my son who tried to save him, and put one foot in front of the other each day. I'm crying less, I think thanks to my happy pills I'm now taking and time. I only wish I had had as many years as you. We always want more. I was going to retire this month, and we were going to travel in our motorhome. Really sucks. The loss of a husband is entirely different than the loss of a parent. Part of me died that day and the hole in my heart is a deep one with many scares that will be there until I see him again. Take care..
Hello Linda - I hope you are having a decent day today. Oh my I feel totally the same way, in the thoughts you have expressed around your children and the difference in the loss. I too haven't been emotionally available to our girls, and I feel so bad about that. I talked to the counsellor about it and she said it is perfectly normal, not that it doesn't make it any easier. She also said she hoped they had their own support systems they could turn too. I try through doing things for the kids, but it still doesn't make up for their loss. We all grieve daily in our own ways. The other day our youngest was crying because her dad wouldn't get to see his grandchild grow up (she is 6 mths pregnant).
It's just one day at a time Linda. Last night I came home from work and just started crying. It seems everyone around me is busy with their own lives, and rightly so, but inside that we get left behind in the hustle and bustle. People think 6 months, wow, she is doing pretty well. Well that is on the outside! Half of our essence is gone, in a heartbeat, 40 years - what do we do and where do we go from here? So those very small steps are crucial. Each day I don't want to get up, and I would be in my jammies I know that but I can't really go to work in my jammies, so darn it, I have to get dressed!
My wish for you for the weekend - peace and a small moment of joy....
Linda, I too lost my love after 40 years to prostate cancer. Not a day goes by that I don't feel that loss. You look so happy in your picture. I'm sure you must wonder if there will ever be happy again. I think we all do. So that said, you are not alone on your journey. We are all here for reasons we would never wish, but here we are nonetheless. For support, for prayers, for consolation for each other. Sending you hugs from Colorado. Sincerely, Max
Thanks for writing, Linda. I'm glad you found an anti-depressant that's helping. It looks like from your picture you were as close to Neal as I was Martin. We were always together, like one and it is so hard to be one without him. I've never been real close to anyone else and feel so lonely. Hugs to you too. I'm here for you as well.
Hi Linda. I read your post about getting dressed and had to chuckle. It's been 10 months since my husband, Martin died and I still have trouble getting dressed to start the day. He was my reason to get up and now I can't find a good reason. I can walk the dog, get the mail, cry in my pajamas. We were married 30 years and our children are grown. I also lost my job about 3 weeks prior to him dieing and can't find another. Hope you are feeling better.