Linda, I have been just reading posts lately, its my M O (mode of operation). Most of the time l just would like to say DITTO. I did post to one of our new members, just wanted to tell her there was HOPE for survival somehow we do. I'm Lonely and l want my old life back (always will). On the 1st of October l will be on my 19th month. l think now its like putting ora gel on a tooth ache, your numb but the pain is still there pulsating deep inside and every once in a while it resurfaces. I am happiest when l hold my Grandson, 'Our' 1st. l've had a Graduation, Grandson, and Wedding, and of course all the 1st's that come with the 1st year. I never thought l'd get through it all, and theres more to come. God is Great. I could not have done it without Him, Prayer and the people on this site. When l first started getting on and reading posts there were (only) 647 members. Wish no one had to be on here, since we are its good to have somewhere to go. AWWWW my reason for posting tonight. See why it's better for me to just read. Lately I've found that at functions like the wedding l attended my memories were good ones and made me happy. Since you are coming up on your 1st year. I wanted to wish you a day filled with mostly Happy Memories and that you are surrounded by your precious family. HUGS HUGS HUGS
I just read your post. It sounds like you & I are very alike. I do get out on a regular basis for an hour or two and I am blessed by these people I have come to know. Both grps are through my church & they are understanding, encouraging & some have survived the loss of spouses so they KNOW. Other than that I am alone 90% of the time & the other 10% is spent in brief moments w/ my children & granddaughter who live with me. Sometimes I just have to hop in my truck & ride too. I couldn't do it until recently because that is what Larry & I did for a break when we didn't have time for anything else- we enjoyed going through long rides in the country. I would get maybe a mile down the road & be crying so bad I couldn't see & have to go back home. I am over that mostly now. Sometimes I still get overwhelmed realizing I am alone & he should be with me.
On a different note: I haven't been here much in the pastmonth or so- school is going on & swamped at work... Did you ever go to your beach place this summer? If so, how did it go? I can imagine how you must have felt being there without him. It is so hard to carry on isn't it, yet our children & grandchildren want to see us as we've always been- strong, happy... and so we do our best for their sake if not our own.
Linda, I have gone back to work and get on long enough to read posts I actually forget I have a page yep I lose it for awhile then lo and behold I find it Thank Goodness! I always have a hard time going back after summer break. As l was reading your message and you mentioned volunteering I had a bulb go on, which is pretty amazing since I seem to be operating on a small flicker. Have you ever heard of the show Kids Say the Darndest Things? Well where l work it totally follows suit constantly. Children have such a great outlook on life and well say some hillarious things. If you like being around kids and are near an elementary school thats the place to be. Maybe go and have them read to you, thing is they would be as much help to you as you to them. Best part being is that you could set the time and amount you would spend there. Here's an example: I asked the cutest precious little girl what she was wearing because she smelled so good and she said 'Poo fume'. I am far from being good, when l'm asked l say okay. Kind of let's them of the hook and well, if l said good l would be lying. There are days when l'm part of the floor tile and others when l put on the gloves. With help from my children, my granbaby, other (yuck the word) widows, this site, and above all Prayer and Faith. l seem to be spending less days as part of the floor tile and more with the gloves on. Partly l believe is knowing that l am teaching my children, by example that we have to get back up. (LIFE) Today is a good day, can you tell? l had a family function that l had to attend and l didn't explode HOORAY! Minute by minute day by day one foot in front of the other and occasionally back to square one :( Here's wishing you more good days! HUGS
I am moving to WIlliamston SC which is near Greenville. I show we will be about 3 hours so maybe we can get together. That will be fun. I will let you know when I get settled in and we will make plans. Thank you for your friendship
Hi Linda, thanks for writing. My stepson came a few wks ago for the wkend & we had a great time together. He sd. he would be back in two wks., but of course that didn't happen-but I didn't expect it to. He did call though & that was a nice surprise. My son, daughter & grandbaby went w/ me to the North Ga. Mtns (molehills) for several days this week for a mini vacation. We all wanted to stay permanently. Returning to work tomorrow is weighing on me yet I am truly thankful to have this job. School starts for me again on Aug. 22nd so I will be swamped through Christmas with too much to do. I am hoping to make a weekend visit to N.C. in the next couple of weeks though. Maybe we can meet then. I wish you the best~ Christy
Linda, lts been 17 months for me and like everyone here l still have those days :( Usually l just read posts but theres been quite a few from you that I have also been through. The realization that my children can't always and shouldn't have to be there for me they have their lives. God willing they will have what me and their Dad had. Also I haven't spoken to my sister in close to 6 months either. She asked me when l was going to get over it and that other people had lost their husbands and that l should quit being a martyr. Well l told her l would let her know because this was my 1st time with at this. She's divorced and will probably never know just exactly what we all here have lost. To top that off l put her on my cell phone under martyr.... So has anyone else gone through an angry stage? I guess l've decided that theres some things that l just don't have the power to change but when I can I will. There was a time right after where l just laid there like a wounded animal and l just did what was expected. No more I am sad I am lonely and I want my life back. I am so glad for this site because I can rant which l just did. I really am a nice person, just having a hard time with reinventing my 'self' when l was happy as one of two. Hugs
Linda, this is about your post awhile back you said something to your sister about signs. Well theres a city that me and my husband traveled to quite a bit. Our daughters attended college there its about an hour or so away. We would stop at a chain restaurant for a 'break' when we did we'd buy a coffee or breakfast depending on the days plan. Well a few weeks after his funeral Me and my youngest daughter made the same stop. We were sitting at a booth both just lost in our own thoughts, memories. She looked up at me and me at her and she said did you just smell something? Yes l said l smelled your Dad. If it had just been me maybe, I could say I'm making it up, l'm not dealing with a full deck especially right now. There's no way, how could we both be making up the same thing at precisely the same time. It stopped and I have no idea why, but at that moment its what we needed. HUGS
I hope you were able to have the boys over and it worked out for you. I don't know what I would be doing if making new memories weren't possible. It's what keeps me moving forward with a little sanity each day. Take care of yourself.. Hugs Kathy
Linda. I know it's hard but you might want to try real hard to have those grandsons spend some time with you. Yes, it is hard to entertain but these days kids have a way of entertaining themselves with their cell phones and all. You need these new memories and so do they. They are trying to find "a way into your life" and it sounds like they are really trying so for your own sake and your families, try ok. It really will be worth it. We must keep making memories with those we have left. They will understand it's hard but I hope you can re-think and do this for all of you. Hugs.. kathy
Linda, I heard they were looking for housing last year. I thought that if I was settled in Petoskey, it might be fun. I forgot about it until I was in church one Sunday in May. They were looking for people to house the children fromm the Mexican choir. I put my name on the list. I am glad I did it. These young ladies gave me so much in the short time they were here. I had to step outside my comfort zone to do it.
We heal so slowly, and go up and down with our emotions during this time. I didn't forget my grieving, but doing something for others demands a lot of attention, and for a few days, the grief was not over whelming. Just before they arrived,i learned that my husband's daughter has filed a complaint against me in court. I was glad I had much to do and was not dwelling on the unknown.
Thanks for writing. I have been having a hard time lately- crying more than I care to admit and really my head is swimming as if I'm on something. I can't focus & sometimes can't even hear people when they are talking to me, like I'm just out of it. My son says he's worried about me & I hate that. I'm still moving along, going to work & school ... Larry's little brother called Sunday for the 1st time in over 7 months- not to ask about me, but to tell me I'm keeping things from them! Ha! I really layed into him. That has had me upset, but I feel good knowing I have done my best to honor Larry, while his family has done their best to take what was never theirs.
I just stopped by to say hello! I had company all weekend, and I'm still recovering. I hosted four young ladies..high school..fromm Mexico City. They were here for an international children's music festival. They filled my house with joy, laughter and music.
How nice that you had some in person time with some other widows. If they live near by, perhaps you can get together again. It really helps!
Linda, it's been a couple of wks, but my friend sd. she is actually related to some Lanier's there but doesn't know if they are the same as the Lanier's at the Campground. I hope you are doing well these days. I know everyday has it's ups & downs. I've been having a pretty hard time lately & guess it's because the 1 year marker is approaching next month. As crazy as it sounds to hear myself say it, I feel like there should be something we could do to change things, like there MUST be a way to have them back. I never was good with dealing with reality. I much prefer the fairy-tale life of Happily Ever After... I wish you well everyday . HUGS~ Christy
I guess I agree with you that fast may not be better. We had a few years of medical problems,but never a mention of cancer until 14 months before Karen passed away.11 of those months were spent going back and forth to the hospital, radiation, chemo, and tests. The last 3 months at home under hospice care. I am sure that in those last14 months we spent more waking time together then we did in all our other years. I would give everything to have more time with her,in any condition.Take care,Jerry.
Hello Linda, my story is similar to yours,and as it seems a lot of people here on Bereaved Spouses. This disease is a cruel one,and as I have been told has more then one victim,since it hits the whole family. Watching someone you love,fade away both physicaly and emotionaly is terrible. Sometimes I wonder if it is beeter when someone passes quick, like a heart attack or stroke. I know it is more of a shock, but at least you wouldnt have the memoreis of seeing them suffer. I am glad I found this site,it at least lets me get out my thoughts. Stay wel, and try to think of the better times you had with Neal.
Hi Linda, I was just reading your post about gaining so much weight. A you do your workouts at curves, and start to lose weight and changing shape, remember that muscle weighs more than fat. I worked out fairly a few years ago, and it seemed like a spike in weight loss and then,,,,flat! My clothes fit differently, but I wasn't loosing. Someone told me not to be discouraged because I was london fast and gaining muscle. Hope you like curves. I haver heard many good things about them. I have been cleaning up my office/spare bedroom because I need to use it in a couple of weeks.
Linda, my friend from high school that lives in Wilmington, which is where her family is from, wanted me to ask if you knew of "Batts Grill" at Surf City? She sd her aunt owned it & recently passed but it is now run by her son, Kenny Batts. She sd it was good food @ real good price. She sd. everyone in Surf City knows it. I told her I'd ask :)
Hey Linda, sorry to hear more things have popped up that needed to be taken care of. I did enjoy the wk at the beach although I got in the way of myself & had very little time actually on the beach. I did see my nephew play ball 2 nights which was great. He plays for the Wilmington Sharks. They went 11 innings the first night, so it was extremely close, but they lost. The next night was close but they won. He is a pitcher. Lots of fun. I also met a friend from high school that lives there & haven't seen her in about 20-25 years! That was fun too. I had lots of class work that took up a majority of my time that was a real aggravation. I also was very busy working on Larry's nonprofit's website. I got it published last night. I still have lots of work to do, but I guess I'm glad to be home. I hope to visit N.C. again maybe next month, so perhaps we can plan better & get together. I wish you well~ Christy
I just read your comment for the second time this morning. I am pleased to hear that you got past your bad crying spell and went to Curves anyway. To me, that is success! It is so easy for us to just give up and do nothing. I am going down state this weekend to a class get together. I have been looking forward to it, but as it draws closer, I keep thinking...why am I doing this? Do I really want to drive down state, spend a night alone in a motel, and spend an evening with people I hardly know? I have made friends with some of them on facebook, but really, what will it be like in person? I guess I am committed to going, and I will do it. I hope I have an ok or even a good time. I guess I am saying that I totally understand where you are coming from. These steps are hard but necessary. If I start to back down, I will draw courage by thinking of you going to Curves.... we can do it! The past is a bittersweet memory, and we have to go on. Our spouses would want us to go on. Hugs to you. Maggie