At 11:47am on March 1st, 2010, Lisa Hobrook said…
I do have many wonder "4" pictures. I am glad you have many beautiful "3" pictures.
Thanks for wishes for today. I wish the same for you.
Last week was a very bad week for me and I am afraid of this week. On March 4th it will be six months since Chad's accident. For some reason, I am so very afraid of that date.
I have Phil's necklace on right now. I finger his shell often. I need to tell you that I believe the shell is a further connection.
When I was clearing the snow away when I visited Chad's spot I saw similar shells. I forgot I had sprinkled some there in the fall that a friend of mine had given to me. She had collected them the day of Chad's accident. She gave me the basket of shells when she heard of his accident the next day.
I think about you every day. And I like you Diane.
Diane, I don't know what to say. My heart is breaking over not only my pain but yours. I wear the necklace every day and when I finger the shell, I think of your Phil.
The other night I heard my 14 year old daughter crying out in her sleep saying "don't go, please don't go." I shook her awake and she started to tell me details of the visit she had just had with Chad. Some of the things she told me are amazing; I cried so much. At one point she said that Chad had made a new friend. I immediately thought of Phil.
Please connect with me on our email so I can tell you what Hannah told me.
Diane Todays another terrible day. Just trying to keep going. Thank you for your caring words. I know you were a great mom to Philip and you will be forever. We must keep the memories of our children alive forever. Thats our jobs as moms and dads now. I'm sure you were a great teacher, and got to make a difference in so many childrens lives. Keeping you and Phil in my thoughts. Take care, Larry
Worried about you, Diane. I am having a bad days and I know you are too. I am watching for your gift. I will always wear it. Lisa (Chad's Mom) who misses and loves him more than she can ever express in words.
I hope today is ok for you, the bad weather in NJ has got me tired, again we are expecting snow! i need the warmth of the sun to sit in and cheer me up ha ha. Everyday is different for me shoot every hour is different but i am better then i ever thought i would be dealing with the loss of my Philip. Keep in touch what is your last name so i can look up your Philip
Diane, Thank you for listening. This sorrow is so consuming, my thoughts, my senses and my strength. I guess I have to try to do my best for my son. You will also have to be there for your sons. We can't allow ourselves to lose any more than we already have. Can't figure out how I make it through the day at work. I guess the thought and vision of Morgan is what does it. Now home and crying. Probably fall asleep soon. Like always you and Philip are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care, Larry
Diane, Hope you are ok. I know your not really ok, we are on journey nobody wants. We just go on for the memory of our children. Morgan and Philip are always next to us and in our hearts. I talk to Morgan all the time. I just can't seem to stop crying even though I know she doesn't want me to. Sorry I just needed to talk to someone. I miss Morgan, and you miss Philip so bad. I just hope some day we get to be with them again.
Please take care, Larry
Im ever so sorry if God bless offended you, i just read your comments and you wanted no prayers. i understand and im sorry, if you would like to talk i am hear to listen, we are all here for one reason. take care
I was rereading thru my page of my son Philip Nicholas Connelly born January 18, 1996. He passed sept 5, 2009 now i can actually read and understand what is being said after 5 months, at first it was all a blurr. Im so sorry for your loss as well. I dont really know why we picked the name Philip first name was supposed to be Nicholas but when he came out it was Philip. He is the most kind, caring, loving child. I am still so proud of him, the monmouth and ocean county food bank named an award after him, i miss him so much. my email is firstname.lastname@example.org i am from brick, nj but am soon going to visit nc, im going to duck, nc i dont know if thats anywhere near you, i have never been there but i am going to visit a friend who recently moved to southern shores. March 5, 6 and 7th. keep in touch, and remember our Phils are having fun and maybe even have met eachother in heaven, they are our angels. God bless
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this journey we have a common bond. They called my son Big Phil he was an amazing person. I hope our boys get to meet one another up in heaven. We are amazing parents as well to have had amazing children that's why we must stand on our beliefs until we meet our boy's again. His son's name is Sean Phillip Jackson. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Your new friend and pray warrior
Philip must have had a "sweet" heart for Valentines to be his favorite holiday. I am sure that this must be a tough day for you. I used to tell people that no day can be tougher than any other, but I was wrong. Days that we shared with our child that are filled with the tradition of family bring an unbearable sadness to their loved ones.
I went early this morning to Chad's spot. I still can't bring myself to say grave. I placed a card, rose petals, candy hearts, a chocolate rose, a stuffed teddy bear and and tied a helium baloon that said "I love you". I remember a year ago, though. On February 10th, I texted Chad and said "are you gonna remember to tell me Happy Valentines Day" this year. He texted back "idk if ur lucky". Then at 1:37 pm on Valentines Day I got a text from him that said "happy v-day". I saved that text and others from him. Also saved special texts from my other kids. He'll never say happy valentines day to me again. I am having such a bad time this week. I just want my son.
I loved reading about your son. A handsome young man. I just feel writing to you that you are a
"hell of a mom". I am sure Phil knew that.
From what I gather, you must be a fifth grade teacher. I think that is special in itself. Making a difference in the life of a child is the best thing we can ever hope to accomplish. Thinking and praying for you and your family on this day that means so much to you as you grieve a son who means the world to you. Lisa
Phil, sounds like a wonderful son. I did read his guestbook. A very handsome son to be sure; inside and out. You can find Chad's guestbook, by googling "chad holbrook guestbook" it is online at the worcester telegram and gazette until October. My youngest daughter calls this: "life, part 2". So true isn't it? We now all are faced with the task of finding meaning in this life (even though we still have other loved ones here) every day. Doesn't seem fair to us, and we certainly don't feel life was fair to our precious children. My email is email@example.com. I have a feeling our sons would like each other as well. Thank you for your phone number. North Carolina is a beautiful state. Thinking of you and knowing that we are not alone in our grief. There are people who understand. The cord at birth became a cord of love, and that cord between our children can never be broken. Lisa
Thank you for you caring words. Your right though, feel like I'm dead now too. You love Phil so much too. Visiting the grave makes it feel like I'm closer to Morgan some how. Dreamed she wanted a balloon. She always loved balloons. So I took one to her grave and tied it on for her. I had a vision that she was holding the balloon and smiling. I'm sure Phil is enjoying those candy hearts too and smiling. Take care.
we publish a support newsletter for bereaved parents who have lost a child and we did one special issue on going through that horrible second year of grief. if you would like a copy, you can email me at jerrymudge@bellsouth and we will send you one. if you would like to get them every three months you can let us know. Blessings, Jerry
I agree with you. And I love hearing other moms talk of their deep love for their children. I know how deep the need is to talk about our sons or daughters. The little things are so huge somedays. The feeling of your son walking into the room and plopping down to say hi; the one on one conversations we would share when I didn't feel like driving to the store and would ask him "want to drive me". Throwing the ball together or playing a little basketball in the driveway. Of course, I couldn't play to save my soul but it was fun anyway. Just watching my four children together. Nothing better than that. The sparkle has certainly gone out of the lives of my husband, myself, and three children. At 9:40 pm my 17 year old son, on the way home from a long day of school, basketball practice, and staying for his girlfriend's jv game texted me and said "Mom, is the cemetary open?". I said "funny, I was just thinking of you and your big brother". These things are just not right. When he came in at 10:30 pm you could tell he had been crying. I just have a vision of Travis standing in the dark, cold cemetary crying for his brother (they were 18 mos. apart) shared a room and a life together. I get angry as well when people tell me to be glad about the good memories. Nobody needs to tell me what to be glad about when it comes to my son. I think you know what I mean.
How old was your son Phil and what happened that you lost him? Chad may have been lucky with me for a mom, but I was so lucky to have him for a son. Something tells me its the same way between you and Phil. Lisa
I just read about your son. Again, I am so sorry. I think each day is so hard. I think it hurts so much when I think of small things. . .like the traditional Wal-Mart 3 Brother Christmas picture I will never have again, or that wonderful question each always asked upon coming in the house. . .where are the brothers. . .I would like to think that time heals but it is strange to me that I feel worse in different ways. In some ways, I think I was better last year. I still cannot believe that this precious person is not a part of my life like her once was. I get angry when people tell me to be glad that I have such good memories. I miss Phil so much. I read about your son's girlfriend. I think about how horrible it must be for her. Phil had a lovely girlfriend, too. Her name is Stephannie. She has had a very difficult time. . .left college, had to be in the hospital. I know she must go on but that makes me sad too. I think about what a special lady you are with all the grief in your heart to invite me to talk about my son. Chad was lucky to have you for his mom. I am sorry to have gone on and on.
Always Proud Mom of Philip Dillon Lean
Thank you for your kind words. I would love you to tell me about your precious son. I know I never ever will get tired of talking about Chad. I have no words for how much that boy meant and continues to mean to me. I am so proud of him today as yesterday and for all time. I wouldn't even know how to begin to explain how much that boy means to me and my family. He was a mama's boy though; but all man about it. He told me once "just because I don't say it doesn't mean I don't feel it". His love for his family and especially his connection with his mom always shone brightly; just like his brilliant smile. Mom's and their children. Love doesn't get any deeper than that. I would love to hear about your son. Lisa (firstname.lastname@example.org)