Susan's Comments

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At 11:36am on January 7, 2011, Terri - Autumn's Mom said…

Hi Susan,

I looked at your memorial site for Roman, what a nice tribute.  I bet a lot of friends and family find comfort there.

Autumn was my oldest child and only daughter.  She was born with a tethered spinal cord and had nine surgeries and had been in the hospital over 30 times in her short life.  She struggled with health issues her whole life and was finally happy.  She was a very creative artist and was going to college for art and had an apartment she shared with my niece.  My niece spent the weekend with my sister and her family and arrived home on Monday, December 6 and assumed Autumn was sleeping.  She called my sister and my sister said that she should check on Autumn that she should be awake by this time.  This is when my niece found her.  The coroner said at the time it looked like she died from the flu and she died peacefully.  She had an autopsy done and the results won't be in until the end of January and honestly, they results don't matter.  She's gone, no matter what the reasons.  I had spent so much time with Autumn through out her life and watched her fight one battle after another, we had a bond I don't have with my sons.  It is just so so horrible.  Most of the time I try not to think about it.  I went to the grocery store the other day and almost broke down near the spices just because Autumn liked to cook and would tell me about all the spices she liked using.  I know when my brother died, I worked at a gas station in high school and a guy came in that looked so much like him and also had his mannerisms, it took my breath away and really shook me up.  I'm sure I'll have moments like that with Autumn too.  I'm not looking forward to it.  I really appreciate your listening to me and for sharing your story of Roman.  It does make a difference.

At 9:00am on January 7, 2011, Terri - Autumn's Mom said…

Susan,

I am so sorry about your son.

I want to thank you for your message, you said some things that really made me think.

I really appreciate you leaving me your e-mail address and phone number, there was a time yesterday where I truly felt the need to use one or the other.

I'm sure I'll be talking to you in the future, I just want you to know how much I appreciate your post.

At 6:41pm on December 11, 2010, sharon dorshimer said…

sasan,It's the  holidays,any advice?What do we do now?

At 6:41pm on December 11, 2010, sharon dorshimer said…

sasan,It's the  holidays,any advice?What do we do now?

At 2:12pm on November 8, 2010, Marcy Tilmann said…
Hi Susan:) No problem with the stupid caps key LOL! I am so glad to hear from you...not many friends on here so really helps me to hear from you. Not that I'm lil miss social butterfly anymore LOL!! Glad to hear about the 29th...sometimes we so dread certain days that the build up before the day is worse than the day itself. I must admit I shed quite a few tears on the 26th...to be honest I find it hard to cry sometimes especially in front of others...just makes me feel so vulnerable & weak. I understand totally about the years gone by...how sometimes it seems like yesterday & then others it seems like a lifetime ago. The holidays are fast approaching...a time of year that I used to enjoy so very much & now I just work to make it through. Ian had a younger brother...he is now 31 & is the father of my granddaughter so Christmas is still a day for love with my family. My public charity that I run in memory of Ian is a huge success! It helps so very much to know that I am making a difference for other skaters & saving lives. One of the most wonderful feelings...I received an email from a skater that received a helmet from me...he told me how he had an accident recently on his board & if he had not been wearing the helmet I gave him...he was sure he would have been seriously or fatally injured. It gives me some comfort to know that in Ian's memory I am saving lives & keeping another mother's child safe. Thank you so much Susan for thinking of me & for being my friend. Hugs to you...Marcy
At 4:45pm on November 5, 2010, Marcy Tilmann said…
Hi Susan...I'm so sorry that I haven't responded sooner, but like you October is a hard month for me. Ian's 34th birthday would have been on the 26th...his birthday was the most important day of the year for him...he felt Christmas was a day that everyone shared, but his birthday was truly his day:) It is always a hard day for me. Thank you so much for your comforting words & for checking on me. The family is doing good...time does somewhat ease the intense pain that one feels at first, but the loss just becomes so much more apparent...so much time has gone by since I heard Ian's voice, his laugh or gotten one of his huge warm hugs:( It has been over 5 years now (sigh). How are you & your family? I am thinking of you & sending you big warm hugs...Marcy
At 11:07am on October 26, 2010, Lindsay said…
Thank you Susan for your kind words. I am having an especially hard time today since it is my Mom's b-day and Sophia would have been 7 mo old tomorrow. I am torn between complete and utter sadness and this unrelenting anger. I know that my oldest daughter was eating solids and all that good stuff I will never see Sophia experience that.
I understand that my Mom raised 4 children and that is why I had all the confidence in the world when I left my babies with her. It kills me to know that all that comfort was not real, nothing is within our control. I know she did not set out to have her granddaughter die that day but in the end, she did.
I just wish I...I don't know what I wish for because I know we all are here because we do wish something had gone differently.
Just one more kiss, one more hug, one more smile, just one more....

I think about what my Mom would feel if I were to go. I don't know. I am the same age your son would have been today and I cannot imagine your pain. I'm so very sorry.
At 7:36pm on October 16, 2010, sharon dorshimer said…
still not good,but I will try to write you soon
At 7:36pm on October 16, 2010, sharon dorshimer said…
still not good,but I will try to write you soon
At 6:19pm on August 14, 2010, sharon dorshimer said…
susan, thanks,i will write you soon,now is just not good.
At 6:19pm on August 14, 2010, sharon dorshimer said…
susan, thanks,i will write you soon,now is just not good.
At 9:35am on August 11, 2010, JAY GRABOWSKI said…
Dear Susan,
Thank you for writing back to me as you can understand more the loss from a motorcycle accident than others. I just get so angry that the law treats this as the hazard of riding a motorcycle and that those in cars have a pass to kill someone because they were on a motorcycle. If this had been a motorcycle policeman people would be up in arms that a person could be so negligent and not wait for the motorcycle to pass and you can bet that the person would be charged with more than a moving violation, but then the rational side of my brain tells me that my son would not want this person life ruined because of an accident because that was the kind of person he was, I just want to be more like him and I do not understand why God took him and left me he was such a better person than me - will I ever have a day that the tears do not flow? I will go to your website Thank you
At 6:29pm on August 4, 2010, Angela Blacklidge said…
Susan, thank you for taking the time to write me. Yes, like you I feel like screaming my head off. I just can't wrap my head around it. I still sometimes feel like I am in denial. If I don't think about it, then it didn't happen. That he is just deployed and he will be home soon. Sometimes I think that is the only way I get through the day. Then I go to his grave and the reality hits me like a truck and I know it is real and I grieve so much I am almost sick. I need to have some hope that I will be a somewhat normal person someday. Justin didn't have any kids and I think that is one of my worst regrets. I am very sorry that you have to go through losing your baby too. First, middle or last, they are still your babies. LIke you, I will be here for you if you need to vent. Or just to remember great times about him. my email is angelablacklidge@hotmail.com
At 6:29pm on August 4, 2010, Angela Blacklidge said…
Susan, thank you for taking the time to write me. Yes, like you I feel like screaming my head off. I just can't wrap my head around it. I still sometimes feel like I am in denial. If I don't think about it, then it didn't happen. That he is just deployed and he will be home soon. Sometimes I think that is the only way I get through the day. Then I go to his grave and the reality hits me like a truck and I know it is real and I grieve so much I am almost sick. I need to have some hope that I will be a somewhat normal person someday. Justin didn't have any kids and I think that is one of my worst regrets. I am very sorry that you have to go through losing your baby too. First, middle or last, they are still your babies. LIke you, I will be here for you if you need to vent. Or just to remember great times about him. my email is angelablacklidge@hotmail.com
At 4:24pm on June 14, 2010, Susan - Donny's Mom said…
Happy Birthday to Roman...I believe he is still celebrating in the stars. Maybe he and my son are buddies up there. Donny loved everyone and everyone loved him.
Last week we celebrated his youngest daughters 14th birthday, her 8th grade graduation, his oldest daughters graduation from high school and my birthday. Bittersweet all of the celebrations, missing him bad, but have to be happy for the girls. They have their whole life ahead of them. I believe we need to set a strong example of moving on, but never forgetting their Dad.
We toast to him, talk about him and even made buttons for all of us to wear during all these ceremonies. Whatever I can think of to honor him I do.
Hope you are well.
At 5:05pm on June 9, 2010, Tammy Egberts said…
susan, i appreciate your kindness...sometimes i do need to talk because i don't have anyone who wants to listen to me so i keep so much inside. sometimes i just don't want to go on with my life, but i know i have to...we all have alot of pain, and heartache that is so strong that it consumes...i had my son's little boy today(my grandson) it helps to be near him, it makes me feel closer to Robby...i am very sad for the loss of your child, and want you to know i am here for you too if you need to talk...thank you, tammy
At 12:30pm on June 9, 2010, Marcy Tilmann said…
Hi Susan...thanks so much for stopping by to say hello:) I wish there was something I could do or say that would have helped you to feel better last week, but really there isn't. I understand so well how you feel when Roman's birthday comes around...Ian's is in October...he would be 34, too. It is so aggravating to me when people try to make you feel better by repeating old sayings that they feel are appropriate like "time heals all wounds"...not going to happen! I just do the best I can to live with it. It is a sad place for any mother to be & my heart goes out to you & all mothers who have had to endure this pain. I appreciate your thinking of me & please write to me anytime. If you need anything or just an ear to hear you...I am here. Hugs for you....Marcy
At 3:06pm on June 7, 2010, Marcy Tilmann said…
I visited the website...a beautiful tribute to Roman. I enjoyed reading about your son. You & your family are in my thoughts always....Marcy
At 2:50pm on June 7, 2010, Marcy Tilmann said…
Hi Susan...thank you so much for your comment. I am so sorry for your loss & truly appreciate your kind words. I will be going into Roman's site as soon as I sign off of here. I don't have a memorial site so to speak for Ian but there is a website for our Foundation that we created in his memory. If you would like to visit www.theiantilmannfoundation.org there is a page called About Ian & there are some pics of him there. Learning to live with Ian's death is the only way I can think of to deal with this grief...I can't change it...I can only go on. At times I have wished my heart would just quit beating so that this wouldn't hurt so much, but then I was reminded by a dear friend that with every beat of my heart my wonderful Ian lives on. To live the rest of my life in despair would not be what Ian would want for me so I am doing the best I can. I was so blessed to have had him for 28 years as my son....that is what keeps me going. Many hugs to you & take care...Marcy
At 9:19am on March 19, 2010, Susan - Donny's Mom said…
Morning Susan....couldn't sleep this morning so went into Roman's website and went through the all the pages. You should be very proud of that work of great memories for Roman. The music was beautiful too.
I know how pretty Arkansas can be. My husbands family are all from Oklahoma/Arkansas border and we traveled back there and I was very surprised how green it was. They are from Ft. Smith and then a tiny town of Sallisaw, OK.
With the help of my daughter I am going to try and get some family pictures here on my page. She is quite the computer wiz (I am not) so we will work on it soon.
Take care and hope you are having a good week.
Susan

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